Just Like (Grand)Mom Used to Make.....

My grandmother used to make her own iced tea and keep it in a glass wine carafe in her over-flowing refrigerator. Even though she would never personally drink it, I have never tasted an iced tea so perfectly sweetened as hers.

Until now.

I think she may have sold her recipe to Wawa, because their lemonade tea tastes exactly like the tea of sweaty, humid summer afternoons. I confirmed this with my brother who remarked, "I have been saying this since '02."

It is so refreshing and so good. As if you needed another reason to love Wawa. Now, if they can only add a soda fountain to the one on 20 and Chestnut.

IDK, My BFF Jill?

Probably the best commercial in town right now. Also the catchphrase for my Memorial Day weekend at the beach:

This commercial is "the tits."

S.O.D.A. (So Obnoxiously Damn Amazing)

i heard a report on a NPR that there is a chemical compound in all sodas (Sodium benzoate, which is used as a preservative, effectively killing most yeasts, bacteria, and fungi) that some scientists fear could cause of cancer.

i thought about quitting soda for about three seconds and realized that would be impossible. i love it more than i probably love myself. a day without soda is a day without sunshine.

coke zero is really my poison of choice. its simply amazing. and refreshing. and zero calories.

now, i have also been seeing billboards for a new coke product: coke plus, which supposedly has vitamins and minerals. uh, hey mr. cola, thanks but no thanks. i leave my vitamin and mineral consumption needs to vitamin water. oh wait, what's that? coke just bought vitamin water for FOUR BILLION DOLLARS?

huh. ok...

What to Bring to a BBQ this weekend

Thoughtful ideas:
homemade brownies (no pot)
homemade crab dip
assortment of citranella candles

Easy ideas:
case of beer
pretzels or chips
flowers
ice

Jerky ideas:
napkins
a book on how to BBQ
a loud, obnoxious friend
batteries


Happy Memorial Day Weekend, bitches!

I Have Discovered the Entire Internet.

The day before Memorial Day vacation stinks. There is absolutely no one in my office and because the upcoming months are full of weddings that I am a part of, I need to be extremely judicious about my vacation days.

I only have 4 left.

So, I have been Googling all the live long day. Awhile back, there was a commercial where a box exclaiming, "THE END! You have reached the end of the Internet" displayed on the TV screen. This is exactly how I feel right now. No porn, though.

I have 3 hours to go. And then I am being retrieved to go to the beach. I love you, beach. You make me so gd happy.

Scenes from Chestnut Street: Gold Dude on a Gold bike

For a while now, I've felt that there's some really crazy shit that goes down on Chestnut Street, primarily during broad daylight. Sometimes it's odd, annoying or weird, but for the most part I just feel like, wow, you would only see that in Philly.

After seeing some crazy stuff like a guy dressed head to toe in purple fur or black trannies I've decided I'm just going to have to start taking pictures of it with my cell phone so that people will actually believe me. I saw this guy yesterday outside of Wendy's. He was causing quite a stir. I thought that he would be asking for money & dancing like a robot or talking like one, but no, he was just sitting on this bike talking to his girlfriends.

Fall Lineup – the Geico commercial taken too far

As Beanorama wrote about & many SoUnpretty readers attested to a few months ago, we all love the Geico caveman campaign. Last week, the big 3 networks unveiled their fall 2007 lineup. I think it was ABC that has decided to make a series about our beloved Caveman. Yes, that’s right, a SERIES.

Pilot unseen, I can already imagine that this is going to be an awful show & either get canned or become mid-season replacement series the moment it hits the air. FYI – for all of you who weren’t raised on TV & TV jargon like I was – it’s just the crap that networks roll out in the winter between sweeps months when their good shows would be on hiatus or repeats, or replacing another crappy canned show.

Like, the concept of these cavemen functioning in a modern-day world can only work & be funny for so long ( like 1 episode's worth of laughs). Plus, didn’t Phil Hartman do the same thing on SNL back in the late eighties? Like, he was a Caveman lawyer or something.

After this failed venture, it's probably going to make people tired of seeing the Geico commercials. This show will kill that campaign. Then, Geico will have to rely on the adorable gecko.

Thanks network television, way to go & fuck up a good concept.

Am I high or do I just have insomnia?

So, I’m sure that all of you have seen these crazy ads for Rozerem. If you don’t know what I’m talking about it’s probably because you were too busy scratching your head after the ad was shown to pay attention to the actual product being advertised. Basically, it’s some Joe Schmo who can’t get to sleep comes across ol’ honest Abe & a beaver/groundhog thingy in his kitchen.

The tagline is like, Your Dreams Miss you. Really? Who the hell dreams about those two things? Together? I’d really like to know who thought of this brilliant idea. I totally don’t get it. In my most drunken, craziest dreams I have never dreamt anything along those lines. I’m supposed to want to be lulled into a nice peaceful sleep, not kept awake at night thinking about what the fuck this commercial means.

Rozerem- take a lesson from Lunesta. Their commercials are so nice & cozy I’d kill a pharmacist to maintain a sleeping pill addiction. Every time I see their commercial I want to go and chase green butterlies (now that’s an image that I can understand).

A Case of the Happy Feet

this time of year never fails to ignite within my soul the burning passion to buy lots of shoes (particularly sandals). i don't know what it is, but i'm like a ravenous beast. i can shoe shop constantly...in the mall, online, anywhere, anytime. its a problem but i don't know what to do about it except give in to it, like a p-ditty song. go with the flow and before you know it, its over and you are a better person for having lived through it.

i find myself saying crazy crackhead things to people like, "you hear about any good sales going on???" the amount of desperation in my voice rivals that of any junkie..."just five dollars, man? got five dollars?"

as if money would be enough to stop me anyways. once i see the pair i want, there is nothing anyone can do to stop me.

you know what they say...if the shoe fits, buy it in three different colors.

Unpretty Song of the Day: All These Things That I've Done

by The Killers.


When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can hold on
If you can hold on, hold on

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out, yeah

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
You know you got to help me out
You're gonna bring yourself down
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the backburner
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done

If you can hold on
If you can hold on

Oh, How Art Thou Porcelain God!

Dear God,

Please let me recite the 11th and lesser known commandment, "Thou Shalt Always Check To Make Sure Toilet Seat Lid Is Up Before Sitting Down."

i know, i know. usually women are bitching about the seat being up. i don't have that problem though. what i do encounter once in a while (and probably because my dog is thirsty mongrel) is the lid being down and i'm either being too lazy or rushing too quickly to check before i sit. the result? one of the most disturbing feelings on earth-sitting bareback on a cold, flat surface when you are not expecting anything but air and relief.

sorry to gross everyone out first thing in the a.m. its so unpretty :)

Crazy People Can Be Nice Too

this morning on the el, i observed a crazy woman apply eyeliner for about 15 minutes straight. she also seemed to be lapsing in and out of conciousness. i came up with about half a dozen scenarios in my head explaining her odd behavior...drugs, of course, was involved in all of them.

but then, as fate would have it, i immediately felt bad for doing this when at the end of her ride (her stop was 13th street) she tapped me on the shoulder as she exited and kindly pointed out that my purse was open. she then went on to tell me that she was only doing so because she feared i was too vulnerable to potential theives.

aw, thanks crazy eyeliner lady. thanks alot. have a great day.

Win! Win! Win!

Inspired by a conversation with Smedelicious and Unusual, I entered to win a sweepstakes from Marie Claire for a $200 gift card for some online bathing suit store. Then, I also tried out a contest to win a gift tote from Lucky Magazine. What's inside? Who knows. Someone has to win, right?

And, cue junk mail and spam e-mail overload....now.

Go See This: Waitress

"Waitress" is a very good, very thoughtful film by Adrienne Kelly (unfortunately her last film-this past November during post-production, the 40 year-old mother was brutally killed by a construction worker in her NYC office).

Felicity-er, Kerri Russell, does a surprisingly good job in this movie, which at times is funny, but mostly sad.

its playing at the Ritz East. go see it, you'll like it.

I've been living without you?

Flippy, I've had the opposite problem. This weekend in Richmond, Virginia, I got to enjoy the best American Mexican food I've had in a while: Chipotle! I've been hearing peeps raving about Chipotle for so long, but I didn't buy into the hype until this weekend.

Their minimal menu made ordering easy. I tried both the fajita burrito with chicken and the fajita burrito with veggies. Both were delish though I prefer the chix. The rice had flakes of cilantro. The roasted corn salsa was fresh. The meats were organic. The soda cups had fun stories about nice people and organic farming. The burritos were big enough to share. The only drawback was the runny sour cream, but my taste buds didn't care, oh no they didn't.

I enjoyed this burrito heaven not once but twice this weekend... so much so, that I ran right to the 'net to find out where I can find a Chipotle in Philly. You'd think with a small city like Richmond having at least 2 burrito heavens, a big city like the Illadelph would have more. But alas. No. I am heartbroken. And hungry.

I'll have to try out Qdoba to see if it is a decent runner up.

I Can't Live, If Living Is Without You

This weekend, I visited my aunt in Durham, North Carolina. Just as I was admiring the area and thinking that it is a great place for a family to live, she hit me with, "I can't find any good pizza around here." What?!?! Apparently, the smiling faces and relaxed atmosphere are misleading. This would be a horrible place to live. She has resided there for 10 years and has yet to taste a pie that compares to what we take for granted up here in the blue. Pizza Hut is the best they have (I'm not knocking The Hut, but it's a chain can be found Anywhere, USA). I just don't think I could live without good pizza. Let's all take a moment of silence and thank our respective gods for our great fortune.

Brangelina like doing each other and models.

i heard a report today that Brad and Angelina Jolie-Pitt had a threesome with a Victoria Secret model.

not hard to believe, is it?

the only thing i wonder is who's idea was it? brad's or angie's? quiet, blue-eyed, blonde-haired angel brad or dark, sultry, sexy devil angie?

neither. it was probably the victoria secret model who was a CLASS-A SUPER SLUT.

Obession. By Unusual Suspect.

Songs i am currently obsessed with (and in no particular order):
1. Like This-Kelly Rowland featuring Eve

2. When I See U-Fantasia

3. Rehab-Amy Winehouse

4. Umbrella-Rhianna

P.S. all of these music videos are awesome too. how the hell do i still watch music videos you ask since mtv and vh1 never play them anymore? the answer my friend is channel 144, video soul. praise jesus.

Say what?

"we made sure we buttered both sides of the bread."

...i said that very phrase today while updating my boss about a couple of projects. where the hell did that come from? i don't think i've ever heard it before. don't think i ever thought and/or said it...but, it came out just as naturally as saying "jesus christ" or "wowsers!" is for me. i spent the rest of the update on autopilot, wondering where the hell that came from.

i said it in the same kind of context someone would say "killing two birds with one stone." so why didnt i just say "killing two birds with one stone."? i have no idea and need help.

one things for sure. i definitely am craving toast.

And Now A Public Service Announcement

Diabetes: Warning Signs

Because diabetes can cause serious complications, it's important to be on the lookout for signs that you may have diabetes. The symptoms of type 1 diabetes may include:

Increased thirst.
Increased hunger (especially after eating).
Dry mouth.
Frequent urination.
Unexplained weight loss (even though you are eating and feel hungry).
Fatigue (weak, tired feeling.)
Blurred vision.
Headaches.
Loss of consciousness (rare).

Type 2 diabetes is usually not diagnosed until complications have occurred. Most often, there are no symptoms or a very gradual development of the above symptoms. In fact, about a third of all people who have type 2 diabetes don't know they have it. When hyperglycemia occurs, the symptoms can be the same as those listed above.

Other symptoms of type 2 diabetes may include:

Slow-healing sores or cuts.
Itching of the skin (usually around the vaginal or groin area).
Frequent yeast infections.
Recent weight gain.
Velvety dark skin changes of the neck, armpit and groin, called acanthosis nigricans.
Numbness and tingling of the hands and feet.
Decreased vision.
Impotency.
If you have any of these symptoms, contact your health care provider right away so you can get tested or screened. Even people with pre-diabetes can have the increased risk from heart disease seen in people with diabetes

Mama Mia.

spaghetti and meatballs, extra sauce, garlic bread and caesar salad. so effing good. i think this would be my last meal if i was forced to choose. its just the best.

what would be yours?

Oh, Uncle Sam.

This morning, I was on the phone and my boyfriend mentioned an increase in stamp prices. Who knew? Most certainly not me! He insisted that it had been very widely publicized, but I did not now know that effective yesterday, stamps are now 41 cents a pop.

I cannot believe it. But this is coming from a gal who had a hard time when a call in a phone booth went from 25 cents to 35. Insane.

I cannot believe it costs so much to mail a letter. But more importantly, what if I had never found out and continued using the 37 cent stamps I have in my desk?

Jesus for Mayor of Philadelphia.

There have been a lot of antics in this Mayoral race. Milton Street got on a casket. Tom Knox littered my mailbox with flyers every day. Chaka Fattah questioned Michael Nutter's "blackness." Tom Knox accused Nutter of being a lapsed Catholic. Amidst all the crazy talk, most of us missed one thing: there is a homeless person running for Mayor.

On the ballot this morning, I saw the lone Repub on the right side of the ballot. On the left side, I see my man Nutter, crazy Chaka, "I-grew-up-in-the-projects" Knoz, duncy Bob Brady, good-but-trailing Dwight Evans... and Jesus White. Who?? I hadn't even heard that name. But a quick Google search tells me he is a homeless man running for Mayor.

Check it check it check it out: http://inquirer.philly.com/slideshows/News/070429jesus/

Then vote for MICHAEL NUTTER. Love, Beanorams

Maybe I'm over thinking this, but...

So, I caught an old episode of Friends last night & just couldn't help but think about how disturbing it was. It was the episode when Monica & Rachel are fighting over the last condom. Except Monica was dating Richard & Rachel was dating Ross, Monica's brother. I can almost get past the ickiness of the thought that you know what your roommate is doing in the room next to yours (and you're doing the same thing). I can't, however, get past the thought of knowing some dude is banging your sister in the next room. There was a scene when both Richard & Ross are talking to each other awkwardly while they're waiting for the girls to resolve their fight. I think the dialogue should have been like, "so, you're plowing my sister, huh?" The other detail that bothered me was, it's NY, why are you 2 fighting over the last Trojan when you can go to any 24 hour pharmacy or freaky-deeky store in NYC? This could have been resolved in 5 minutes.

Whatever. I just thought that the episode was disgusting instead of funny.

Who Else Has This Luck?

here is one of those twilight zone moments i must share.

i tried catching a cab last week, late at night, and realized i didnt have any cold, hard cash. shouldnt be a problem right? now all cabs have debit/credit machines for consumer convenience. think again asshole.

apparently, every cab driver in the city has made a pact to LIE and say that their machines are broken because they do not want you to use them-they don't get their tips immediately; instead, they have to wait a couple of weeks. this sucks, but stop fucking lying about it because you are royally fucking me over.

for some reason, i'm a believer that there will be at least one cabbie out there that won't lie to my face and let me use the machine when i am actually in a time of need. so, being the optimist i am, i flagged a cab down and asked the driver before even getting in, "does your debit machine work?"

to which he smugly replied with a generous head shake, "no."

i was more mad at myself, than him. why? because i had the stupidity to even ask. i can't remember what i said exactly, but it was something along the lines of:

"yeah, that's what they all say. thanks for lying to my face!" and then my friend exclaimed, "we should call the cops!"

no, we didnt call the cops. what i did was walk a few blocks to the MAC to get money. then, i walked a few blocks more and waited for a cab for what seemed like an eternity.

finally, a cab pulled over and i anxiously hopped in. i started rattling off my address when i heard a strange laugh coming from the front seat.

"you got cash this time, huh?" the cabbie said.

just perfect. i managed to hail the same cab that just minutes before i was condemning and threatening to call the 5-0 on. needless to say, it was awkward.

Knowing What's Important

this weekend, while treating myself to a peddy, i overheard one of the most disturbing declarations ever:

"I mean, if I can't have acrylic nails, then I don't want to be in that profession..."

what? she must be kidding, right?

no. she wasnt. she was dead serious. she was also wearing scrubs, which leads me to wonder-was she talking about her current job? was she a nurse or a dental hygenist? the thought of her dirty acrylic nails poking me or worse, in my mouth made my vurp (vomit-burp).

and then i wondered, did i have any superficial and seemingly trivial demands of my own?and ironically, i thought of some:

1. if i couldnt attend at least one party a week and drink for free.
2. if i couldnt have access to the internet.
3. if i couldnt buy and listen to my itunes.
4. if i couldnt take my shoes off under my desk.
5. if i couldnt share an office with beanorama.

and there it is. its not acrylic nails, but its enough.

Operator, would you help me place this call?

I broke down the other day and ordered from J. Crew. (I've already been yelled at for ordering over the phone and not through the web, but whatever, I like to ask them questions.) Anywayyyy... after everything I ordered, the operator acted like she was trying to sell me the item.

Operator: "Oh, you want the solid beach weekend dress? Great choice. It's such a light fabric. Great to wear in the garden or at the pool. Will you be wearing it at the pool?"

Me: "Um, ok, yes, I think so... I hadn't thought about it."

Operator: "Oh, and you are choosing the parrot green. I love that color. It's so bright. I saw it in our office boutique and I just thought it was the prettiest color."

Me: "Oh... well, good then."

Lady, save your breath. Sell me on something else, not something I've already decided to buy! So weird.

Tho' now I am regretting not buying on line because it looks like it's on sale online. Humph.

I Love Nutter, Yes I Do...

i love Nutter, do you do too?

vote for Nutter next Tuesday. if you vote for Brady, don't ever read this blog again.

Lohan Does Coke and Cell Phones

Miss LL Coke Whore is quite the lady. i have heard some great gossip about her in the last two weeks and i must share.

apparently, some lucky m-effer claims he has a video of Lindsay doing blow and actually doing a cell phone at a party. how does one have sex with a motorolla (or sidekick-OUCH)?

when i mentioned this to jmoney, he hardly seemed impressed. he said he's seen girls do alot worse with baseball bats, horses and the like.

one thing i am actually jealous of lindsay for is the fact that she lives in a hotel. how awesome that must be. i love staying at hotels and to live in one would be a dream.

Bam!

I finally did it. I cooked grilled cheese. This has been a goal of mine for quite some time. I attempt every so often, usually with pathetic results. For so long people would say, "How can you not know how to make grilled cheese? It's self-explanatory." But, it's not. For instance, I just learned a few months ago that you are supposed to put butter (or mayo) on the bread. How is that self-explanatory? It's not called buttered grilled cheese. So, everyone calm down with that. Anyway, I took another stab at it a few days ago, and I succeeded. Quite a feat. I'm not saying it was great. But, it was edible and that's good enough for me.

Be part of a cool photo project.

My cousin and So Unpretty commenter, MWP, is a creative dude and wants YOU to help with his newest project: A Minute In The Life: The Simultaneous Photography Project.

At 2:00 PM EDT on June 2nd, people from all over the world will be snapping photos and sending them to MWP for an online gallery.

His web site, www.aminuteinthelife.com, has gotten thousands of hits from all over the world, and there have been multiple posts on message boards, blogs, networking sites and via e-mail. Networking is key to the project's success, so any time an e-mail is forwarded or the website address is given to someone new, the chances of it reaching more people increases.

Please make a note of the date/time if you haven't already and snap away!

What I learned.

Today, as has happened many times in the past, I grew irritated with a commercial for realtors because they insist upon pronouncing it "REAL-TOR." Now, I know that is how it is spelled, but don't they know that everyone says "REAL-A-TOR"? My irritation grew and grew, but then I had to put it in check because I remembered that I say "nightgowned" for nightgown, and Unusual says "al-mond" (not "all-mond") for almond. And now all is right in the world. Pace.

Let's Get Ready to Rumble, Greek-style

I know this post is way overdue, but it needs to go up. By this time, I have already regaled most of our readers with the scintillating details. So enjoy, ALG!

A couple weekends ago, I paid a visit to the happiest place on Earth with a few of my friends and witnessed what will now and forever be referred to as "Sorority Fight '07." Keep in mind that this post is not meant to be discriminating against any type of person, as many of my good friends in college were in sororities.

Here's how it went down: SG1 (Sorority Girl 1), SG2, and others were waiting in line at a popular watering hole. Something happened - no one remembers exactly what - that made UG (Ugly Girl) and friends angry with my friends. Some words/eye rolls may have been exchanged, but they remember UG saying something bitchy about SG2's outfit. Please read the following with a bitchy tone.

SG1: Um, did you just come here from work? (UG had gray pants on. Burn!)
UG: Nice Louis Vuitton. I had that bag in 7th grade.
SG1: Why don' t you go to Coach and get the real bag. (UG had a Coach bag that was fake, apparently.)

No one remembers anything else, but I assume after this UG ran home crying. I wonder who will play my friends in the Hollywood version.

More on "Products to Buy": Tinted Moisturizer

I fell in love with tinted moisturizers back in college. Since I have sensitive & dry skin, I have to moisturize before I apply makeup or my skin will break out. The thing that I love about tinted moisturizers is that it's a 2 in 1 product, which is perfect if you're like me & applying makeup while in transit to work. It moisturizes & gives you some coverage at the same time.

While I was in college, I used Kiss My Face, then a while ago KMF stopped making it while they worked on redesigning the packaging. So, I moved on to Burt's Bees, which was a little bit more expensive.

Last week, I discovered that Kiehl's now makes a tinted moisturizer & so I bought some since I ran out of Burt's. It's interesting that Kiehl's is twice the price of both KMF & Burts & it's not even an exact match like the other two. Then, I saw an ad that Aveeno now has one. I'll have to check that out next & it's probably in the $10 range that I like.

You should definitely give this product a try.

Sex to Save the Show

So, last week I was clicking around the telly & landed on "The New Adventures of Old Christine", you know that new Julia Louis Dreyfuss show. Well, on this episode she was at some cabin with her ex-husband. Apparently, she & her ex had a pretty amicable divorce so they can hang out & talk about each other's dating lives, etc. Well, her ex & his gf had decided to go on a break. Then, the gf decided to break up with him completely. Hilarity ensues & pretty soon the ex-husband is asking Christine to sleep with him. Christine & the husband rationalize that since neither of them is in a serious relationship, that this one-time hook-up will be harmless.

At this point, this plot sounds eerily similar to a Seinfeld episode when Jerry & Elaine realize that they have to have sex to save the friendship. I also realized that this show has been on for more than one season, which means that it's been more successful than any other Seinfeld alum show. Is that how Julia Louis Dreyfuss is remaining successful? By recycling plot lines & jokes from Seinfeld?

Hmm..

Sounds like "The New Adventures of Old Christine" is just plain old Elaine Benes.

Busted!

am i the only person who probably feels bad for Alycia Lane?

if you havent heard the juiciest gossip in town, let me be the one to report the news, as unpretty as it is.

CBS3 anchor, Alycia Lane (yes, the pretty one pictured) totally got her ass nailed recently when she sent racy pictures of herself in a bikini to MARRIED NFL anchor, Rich Eisen...who busted her? oh, just his wife!

the wifey turns out to be a little craze-o, too. she replied in an email back to Alycia:

"Boy, do you look amazing in a bikini . . . congrats! Whatever you’re doing, (Pilates? yoga?) keep doing it - it’s working for you. Anyway, sorry but those seven e-mails you sent to my husband, Rich, well, oops, they came to the e-mail address we both use from time to time, but no worries, I’ll forward the beach shots as well as the ones of you dancing with your friends on to his main address. Do you have it?”

don't you have the feeling this is NOT the first time she's intercepted virtual p-mail (panty mail). that response just smacks of bette middler in the first wives' club...

but when life has mascara running down your face, Alycia, make the best out of by smudging it and making sexy eyes. you did make the new york post's page six-thats awesome! who cares why.

I KID Because I Molest

recently, popsie gave someone the impression that he was a child molester.

he did this by asking his next door neighborhood the creepy question, "hey, do you have a kid?"

his neighborhood was weirded out by this question and waited 10 seconds before answering nervously, "uh, yeah."

this family has lived next door to popsie for a couple of months now. despite seeing both husband and wife lugging baby equipment in and of the house, he never has seen the child.

to make up for the embarrassing question, he quickly tried to recover by explaining to the perplexed daddy that he has free tickets to sesame place. to which the now disgusted father replied, "uh, thanks, but our baby is only 9 months old."

so unpretty...

Its Offiicial: So Unpretty Says Today's Weather Was Best of Year So Far

not a drop of humidity, not a cloud in the sky. ah, its spring, my love.

get out and enjoy it. it won't last long.

before you know it, you will be sweating your balls off.

WASPs Wanted.

I was reading Philly Magazine the other day and got to the end where they have personals. Philly Mag has personals? you say? I know. I was kinda surprised too. Well, unlike the "Shemale wants bear for kinky love" that you find in the back of the weekly, these were a bit more tame-- a lot of "handsome 70+ DWM seeks athletic blonde for dinners in Rittenhouse Square. Picture requested."

One in particular caught my eye, though. "Pretty WASP seeks businessman on the Main Line." Gross! Vomit! How obnoxious! Who calls themselves a WASP-- and advertises it to boot? Un-Per-itty.

Weirdest Spam Email Ever

-----Original Message-----
From: Jamaal Blair [mailto:harrowedwheeling's@webave.com]
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2007 8:09 AM
To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Subject: Glance of the eye.

With disappointment in.
Grab with these he.
Those clouds of yellow.
Rest and pray all.
Steep steps that.
Other's insides they.
His child the.
Minutes all the.
-216-.
From shoes to hats.
Those greenwichers are always taking.
But i'll swear that every.
That fanny watched her for.
Months went on.
Pencil except to.
Bright brown eyes.
That things seem to strike.
So sure i couldn't stop.
And defensive attentiveness.
Talk to him like.
For the good.
Oh yes you.
Shade for weeks.
Yorkers do not.
It's just that you.
Heyl but some quiet.
Her whole appearance.
Grand and taxi.
Never learn to.
Crude unfinished chaotic it.
vigor and diplomacy but.
More than admiration such as.
Bewildered the uninspired heard.
Line de luxe {sic} i.
Now don't roar at that.
A vacation instead.
Sat back with.
hello called fanny.
For the actual transaction.
That came from above.
Said ella just to see.
She told herself she.
She was saying.
The haynes-cooper women's.
of this glorious.
Transient where are you how.

Jenny McCarthy, second worst diet spokesperson ever

After Anna Nicole Smith, of course. So, Weight Watchers ( which is one of the most reputable weight loss programs) has Jenny McCarthy as their spokeswoman for their programs. On the commercial, Jenny complains about how fat she got while she was pregnant. Did you see her when she was pregnant? There are probably some overweight women that wished they looked like a pregnant version of Jenny McCarthy! Like, I would think that if you want to lose weight, you want something to aspire to; not make you feel depressed. Like, I'll never look like Jenny McCarthy. No, I want a stuffing my face with Krispy Kremes fat ass like Kirstie Alley as my weight loss inspiration. That way I can say, oh hell, if that fattie can do it, so can I!

Thanks, Weight Watchers. Now I'm going to eat a whole cheesecake.

Network Morning Shows Can Be Poisonous

any time i see a "parenting" segment on any of the three morning shows, i just want to hurl. they bring in these "experts" which are usually older women with a stick up their ass and a slight country twang and remind you of one of the long lost characters from "designing women".

if i were interviewing them (or more likely, being the spring board for their swan dive of condemnation) i would ask them if they ever SHUT THE EFF UP!

sorry, i'm cranky this morning.

i ate way too much at triumph brewery last night and now i'm sicky-pants.

forgive?

When You Forget to Take Your Vitamins

and i always do.

but this spring, i have been obsessed with Vitamin Water, so i feel pretty good about my vitamin intake.

and i like trying them all. and target has them on sale alot. my faves are "revive" and "dragon fruit". so light and delicious, oh how i love thee.