Oh. Em. Gee.

If you don't love this, then you certainly weren't a tween in the late '80s, early '90s: What Claudia Wore.

A blog dedicated to the outfits of Claudia Kishi! You know, Claudia? The dyslexic Asian in The Baby Sitters Club [the BSC]?

God, Jezebel, I love you.

Real quick, a rundown of the other characters:
MaryAnne: annoyingly shy and goody toeshoes
Dawn: diabetic California surfer girl. Older than her years.
Stacy: cool blonde. Destined to be a coke head in college I bet.
Kristy: a lesbian
Mallory: younger, a dork, bad hair
Jessi: younger, a dork.

Lost in translation.

I was watching the news this morning and the newscaster was asking the store ownder questions. She only spoke Espanol, so her bilingual son/friend was translating.

Reporter: "Have you ever seen the burgler before?
Woman (en espanol): "No."
Translator: "No. She said she has never seen him before in her life."

We were robbed.

Judd (Jude?) Apatow has a portfolio that goes way beyond Knocked Up and Superbad. Many of you have heard of Freaks and Geeks -- an awesome, yet short-lived, show about highschool. But are you aware of Undeclared? Given just a short, one-season run, this show is fantiddlyastic about a group of kids in their freshman year. You see cameos by Pam from The Office and Paul from Freaks and Geeks. Seth Rogan (the cop in Superbad) is a main character. Cindy the cheerleader from Freaks and Geeks is in Undeclared as a sorority little sister. Rufus Wainwright's dad is even in it. PLUS there is an annoyingly gorgeous Brit and you know I love those accents.

Anyway, what I am trying to say here is: netflix it.

The world is deluded.

sigh. i just finished reading this jezebel post about this Philly mag article and was feeling pretty shitty. worrying about the little girls of the world and worrying that my baby's first words will be asking me to tint their eyelashes or something disturbing.

and then i read this. jessica and elizabeth wakefield are too fat?!?
puh-lease.

girl world needs a break. like a serious time-out. all the make up, straightening irons, hot wax, etc. needs to be locked up for 3 months until everyone comes down from their botox highs.

i'm disappointed in womanity.

Oh, No She Dih-Ent!

i heard a rumor that chelsea clinton was appearing at woody's tonight!

omg, those gays must've gone balls crazy.

i can just hear it now, "oh chells, i loooove your new hair! your mother's a riot! go girl!"

Philly Bridges Falling Down

GLOUCESTER CITY, N.J. — Authorities have taken a man into custody on the Walt Whitman Bridge, ending a three-hour standoff that closed the bridge connecting Philadelphia and New Jersey.

A woman and child inside the white SUV with the man, whom authorities said had a gun and a baseball bat, were unharmed.

The incident started earlier Thursday when authorities tried to stop the vehicle in New Jersey for a speeding violation.

The driver failed to stop, and continued onto the middle of the bridge, before stopping.

Traffic was halted on both directions of the bridge.


what a shit show this caused. dude! i hope you didnt do all this funny business just to get out of paying a speeding ticket!

In Case You Missed This...

God Damn You, LOST!

i can't believe i'm addicted to this show again. and of course, its playing with my emotions once more. there won't be another new episode until 2009. nah, just kidding. end of april. but it feels like the same thing.

god, i'm pathetic.

this being a "slave to the network" shit makes me appreciate how much more awesome it is to watch a series on dvd-- - via netflix is ideal.

Playlist for Spring Training

here's some tunes to put a spring in your step aerobics. these get my muscles moving and my booty grooving.

1. Jump by the Pointer Sisters
2. Hung Up by Madonna
3. Gimme More by Britney Spears
4. Paper and Planes by M.I.A.
5. Mistaken for Strangers by The National
6. Big Pimpin by Jay Z
7. Finally by CeCe Penniston
8. A-Punk by Vampire Weekend
9. Like This by Kelly Rowland
10. They Don't Love You Like I Love You by the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs

cool down
1. Killing Me Softly With His Song by Fugees
2. Die Without You by PM Dawn
3. Intuition by Feist

You are the sunshine of my life...

i just had a blueberry yogurt luna sunrise and woah, that ish is good.
i know, i know, you're supposed to eat it in the a.m. but i was hungry now!

anyway, it tastes delish for a "healthy food bar." like a chewy granola bar with fresh blueberry yogurt poured on top.

now for the impressive part, it is majorly healthy. tons o' fiber and protein, serious amounts of vitamins (half your vitamin c and e for the day!), flaxseed, calcium and antioxidants.

most importantly, my bf picked up this little bar for me yesterday while grocery shopping and you know if the personal trainer approves you are good to go.

so go forth ladies, and enjoy.

Luna Sunrise - Not Just for Breakfast!

Disappointed.

So, Madonna and JTimbs partnered on a new song. There had been rumors swirling about it for weeks and I was expecting an awesome dance hit that would easily catapult me into the excitement of the summer.

I heard, "Four Minutes to Save the World" this morning on Q wiggity 102 and it was disappointing. I just feel like it could've been much better.

Srsly, The Hills? Srsly?

I'm sorry, but Whitney Port who works at Teen Vogue and has a closet of labels I could only dream of would not be in Paris and say "Give-in-chee." Any gal worth her salt--especially a Conde Nasty-- would say it like the French -- jhoo-vinch-eee... (or something, I can't spell phonetical French). The Hills: fake as Heidi's breats.

Dress Shields...They're Like Maxi Pads, But for Your Pits!

um, i had no idea these even existed. but, i can say that i'm sorta thankful that i discovered them (on amazon.com-god, is there anything you can't buy on that site???)

i don't like admitting this, but i have been self-conscious for years about my sweat pits. i've known two other girls that have had the same problems and up until recently, thought the only solutions were:

1. wear only dark clothing
2. never lift your arms in public
3. apply that awful, painful anti-persperant (certain dry, or B+Drie)
4. the papertowel trick (don't ask-and fyi, its rarely successful-just as Chris McKenna)

but alas, my sister-in-law told me that she visited a dermatologist last week and although she did end up prescribing her some maximum strength anti-persperant, she also recommended she get her thyroid checked out. if there's nothing wrong with her thyroid, then she is going to give her BOTOX INJECTIONS. this will stop the sweating for 4-8 months!!!!

none of you non-sweaters can even appreciate what that means to girls like me, who have to shop for tops that either hide sweat stains by the color or how the sleeves are made. sounds really painful to get an injection in your armpit though. and sounds a little dangerous too. isnt botox a poison???

I Heart HBO

i really, really do. i can't imagine cable without it.

my newest reason why: the new miniseries, John Adams.

its so good.

the only thing i can't believe is that they didnt think it made more sense to release it around July 4th...but thats a petty thought-forget i even said that.

back to why its good.

1. great acting. paul giamatti and laura linney are superb as john and abigail adams. the supporting cast (tom wilkinson, justin thoreaux great too).

2. the history is presented in a very exciting and interesting way...i only really get it and appreciate it now as an adult and can't imagine why we expect kids to understand the immensity of this stuff.

3. the sets, costume design, just everything is so well done.

what an amazing man, j-ad was. i had no idea what a significant role he played in forming our nation. gee mom, learning IS fun!

Urban Decay

this is so not fair, what i am about to share.
(i didnt mean for that to rhyme)

so, i scored a pair of really cool black sandals from urban today. i was a little unhappy about the price, but they fit great and i was really excited to have spring/summer shoes on. i figured what the hell and i bought them. they were $48 bones.

but then, i go on urbanoutfitters.com and the SAME exact shoe is only $38 online! what the fuckety fuck?

so then, i gave them the bennie of the doubt, added the shoes to "my cart" and proceeded to check out, to see how much the price goes up for shipping and low and behold, they are still cheaper online, only totaling $43.95.

this is such a lose/lose situation. of course $4 isnt going to inspire me to go through the hassle of returning the ones i have at that the store and then ordering and waiting for the online ones to come. i just wish i wouldve known about this rip off before i bought them!

consider yourself warned.

urban, you suck!

This Just In: My New Favorite Snack

what brings joy to my work afternoons more than having a snack? not a thing! well, there is one thing--leaving work early.

but when thats not possible, the only thing that gets me through the 3:00 o'clock hour, is snackie snack.

in the past, snackie snacks have been:

1. chips (so unpretty)
2. dried cranberries (yummy, but can't have too many or i have problems)
3. coffee (so not healthy and stains the teeth! not to mention afternoon coffee breath is just unacceptable)
4. pudding or yogurt (sorta fun)

but now, oh now my snacks are straight bangin'. i have combined my goal of eating 1-2 fresh fruits daily, with my love of rich gooey stuff.

behold: my favorite afternoon snack is currently sliced apples with nutella.

try it. love it. pass it on.

Adventures in Behavior Modification

well, this weekend was quite an eye opener for me and the hubby. you see, on saturday, we had our very first session with wendy, a professional dog whisperer (think Casesar). why do we need a dog whisperer you may wonder?

well, our little bundle of canine joy, Sadie, is a little...nutso. OK, a-lot-so.

exhibit A--she doesnt like to go for walks. in fact, she NEVER goes for walks. she has a nervous breakdown if we force her. and she has an overall fear and anxiety about being outdoors. she will go to a park, but only for a minute or two, and only if its completely desolate and no one or no thing is in there as well. you can imagine how hard that is.

exhibit B--she has a lot of anxiety and general fear of people, noises, hangers and hats. oh, and the pizza man. oh! and the...well, i think you get the idea. she's afraid of everything.

i must say, i was very nervous to meet wendy. i didnt really know what to expect. what if her advice was to put Sades in a straight jacket? or worse, put me in straight jacket?! but, alas, i was extremely delighted that after talking to her for 10 minutes, both chris and i felt confident that not only did she know her shit, but she also believed that Sadie's behavior could be modified and that with lots of practice and patience she could one day be normal!

unfortunately, and hilariously, wendy tactfully revealed to us that the reason Sadie was so effed up was because of...us. out of pity (she was a rescue) we have let her emotionally manipulate us from day one and have catered to her every whim and therefore, lost control a long time ago.

we are really optimistic and hope that our five sessions to come are as productive as our first!

ING, You Fail Me.

Remember the good old days when ING's interest rates were in the 5% range? I just checked my account and it's like 2.9%! That's BS. I know if my wads and wads of cash were in a regular savings account, it would be even less than 2.9%, but still, that stinks.

Cat scratch fever.

I discovered a quirk about my cat, quite by accident. Yesterday I saw her kookily grabbing her tail and trying to bite it. It was weird but I figured it was some grooming ritual about which I was unfamiliar (that was my attempt not to end a sentence with a preposition). So I thought I'd help her out, and I scratched the base of her back where it meets/becomes her tail and she went nuts licking. She licked whatever was closest... her side, my hand, whatevs.

I tried again tonight, and it was so weird: I scratched, she licked. I stopped, she stopped. Like clockwork. First I thought it was funny, then creepy, so I had to turn to a professional: Google.

Google tells me that this scratching/licking scenario is a common cat reflex, much like how dogs shake a leg when you scratch them. It's super weird.

After I felt soothed that she didn't have scabies or anything, I picked up Ruby, scratched her back/butt/tail, and whispered into her furry little ear: "You're just so odd and sweet."

And then I watched Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Also odd. But not sweet.

Me and AI

Your very own Flip witnessed the triumphant - and touching - return of AI to Philadelphia last night. The crowd was awesome and gave a long and loud standing O when he was announced. (Of course, they booed the rest of the Nuggets players, but that's not what this post is about.)

Yes, I must admit that I got a little misty. The outpouring of admiration and affection from both the Philly fans and Iverson was awesome. And he was announced right after the national anthem, which always gets me a little choked up. So, it was a recipe for some tears.

Anyway, I'm glad I was there to see it, even if I was in the absolute last row in the place.

(Look at the shout out on his feet.)

If you have 10 minutes...

...This is an awesome article in the New York Observer

...and this is an awesome response in Jezebel.

"Mistaken for Strangers" by The National

You have to do it running but you do everything that they ask you to
cause you don’t mind seeing yourself in a picture
as long as you look faraway, as long as you look removed
showered and blue-blazered, fill yourself with quarters
showered and blue-blazered, fill yourself with quarters

You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends
when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery citibank lights
arm in arm in arm and eyes and eyes glazing under
oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults

Make up something to believe in your heart of hearts
so you have something to wear on your sleeve of sleeves
so you swear you just saw a feathery woman
carry a blindfolded man through the trees
showered and blue-blazered, fill yourself with quarters
showered and blue-blazered, fill yourself with quarters

You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends
when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery citibank lights
arm in arm in arm and eyes and eyes glazing under
oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults

You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends
when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery citibank lights
arm in arm in arm and eyes and eyes glazing under
oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults

Good Playlist for Gym Workout

i LOVE listening to this whole album at the gym. its so good to zone out to as i pump iron and climb mountains (okay, i really mean lift measily 5 pound weights and walk treadmills on an incline).

can you suggest some good gym tunes?

What the F---

mmmkay, so last night i watched "Half Nelson" starring one Mr. Ryan Gosling. if you are expecting sweet, innocent, passionate ryan from the notebook, keep walking, sister.

this movie was straight up disturbing. i think it was good. because i was disturbed. and a movie that can disturb you must be good...right? or is that my inner hipster scratching up to the surface of my superficial life?

no matter.

this movie could have stood to be demoted on my netflix queue a spot or two...or ten.

speaking of netflix, my next movies are (and in chrono order):
Volver
The Last King of Scotland
The Invisible
Helvetica
Evan Almighty
Fur
Cleopatra
Quinceanera
All About Eve
Good Luck Chuck
Perfect Stranger

Dancing With The Whores

ok, i know that some people are mad obsessed with this stupid show, but i must say these so called "Stars" are straight up limelight whores.

and someone needs to tell lisa marie presley to get a new face. she seriously is scary looking.

sorry DWTS fans. but i'd rather watch kevin kostner dance with wolves. and i HATE kevin kostner.

a. because he is a jerk
b. we have the same birthday
and
c. he is a jerk that i share my birthday with

Vaya Ven Frida Kahlo

go see her exhibit at the pma.

don't be cheap and def get the audio tour. frida's work is so meaningful, you simply are cheating yourself if you don't have the narration as you walk through the exhibit.

if you fall in love with her and her work, then i recommend doing two things.

thing one: renting "FRIDA" starring salma "i love my breasts" hyack

thing two: reading any one of the many books about her and her interesting life

More Laura.

Welcome Home, Baby Boy!

Hooray! He's home! He's finally home! After three long months, little Samuel Charles is finally home from the hospital!

The little trooper was born at just 2 pounds, 2 ounces on December 19, 2007. He beat the odds, developed his lungs, learned how to breathe and eat, gained about six pounds, and is finally ready to join his big brudder Ben Ben at home.

And your support was invaluable.

(Here he is with his Aunt MKVOB-B)

You Wanna Be On Top?

My top picks for top model: Marvita and Claire (tie)
Favorite underdog: Lauren. Girl needs to learn to walk.
I also like (but she won't win): Katarzyna (Ty Ty can't probounce her name)
Next out: Fatima or Aimee

Madge's Way...or the Highway

rest in peace madonna and guy ritchie's marriage (unconfirmed report)

...and also I-95, which done cracked up last night and is now closed.

it was a good run while it lasted.

most hilarious quote, as heard on FOX Philadelphia this morning, that bonehead Jen something said that 95 will be fixed "Temporarily Permanent" as opposed to "Permanent Permanent".

what?

Another stupid thing.

So, all of Florida's primary votes don't count. Florida is an idiot. Don't you think they would have figgured it all out before this? Also: should we be wary of Obama & Clinton's negotiating skills that they couldn't come to an agreement as to what Florida should do?

A stupid thing.

Seriously, is this news? Good Morning America had a segment on a 19 year old kid who fainted in court after hearing he could face the death penalty. They showed it 4 times, in slo-mo. Um, my sister faints all the time, but she's not on GMA. Poor kid.

Nike Plus is the coolest.

The Best Toy Ever for a Niece or Nephew!

Leapfrog, a learning toy company, has some new caterpillar toy that teaches kids curse words. I totally want to get this for my nephew, but I'm sure some people ( i.e. his parents) won't see the humor in it ;).


Cursing caterpillar has dirty mouth

Arrivederci!

Try not to miss me too much.
And don't post too much, or I'll never catch up!

I'll be sure to drink lots of vino and bellinis for you and arrange some sexy Italian marriages.

So, kiss kiss! Ciao Ciao! (I just learned that means Bye Bye! Who'd a thought.)

Ci vediamo!

Hey, Unusual - What's for Lunch?

Whenever I would hear Unusual Suspect heating up her Hot Pocket for lunch, I always thought of this Jim Gaffigan bit. I, myself, have never eaten a Hot Pocket & I'm grateful that I missed out on this culinary experience. However, whether you've eaten one or not, you'll enjoy this Hot Pocket humor.

Yael Naim, the Commercial

in response to Beanie's comment on her Original Yael Naim post:

Newsweek: How I love thee.

Let me count just a few of the ways:

-Fareed Zakaria: I would marry this guy. He takes the complexities of the situation in the vast Middle East, and makes them understandable. He also has a very realistic--yet hopeful--outlook on the world, which I love about him. He can sum up "These are the ways the US / current administration has majorly fucked up our place in the world, but hey-- we can repair it if we do this... " Awesome.

-Raina Kelley: She went freegan for a month. She used to edit Tipsheet (the awesome section in the back). She admitted on the pages of a major newspaper that she was too scared of people's opinions of her choice to vote in the primary. She seems nice and smart.

-The cartoons and the quotations page: yea, yea, I know Time does this too. But Newsweek does it better... always have. When I was just a tyke, this is the only page I would read. But honestly, it summarizes the issues of the week quite well.

-My Turn: a column written by an average joe about a simple aspect of their lives. They one time published a satirized My Turn, and oh! it was just so spot on.

-Anna Quindlen: I don't really like her books. But I love her last pages in Newsweek. She takes complex, gray-area issues and just talks some common sense into us fools! She gives you permission to not have black and white opinions. She was the first person that I read that actually made the sensitive and common-sense argument that you can be pro-choice and feel badly about it. Although she said it much smarter than I just did.

Newsweek, I have read you longer than I read my other beloved periodical, Jane Magazine (may it rest in peace). You are the best thing in my mailbox on Tuesday. Keep up the good work, Jon Alter and your brilliant minions!

Just call me John Kerry...

...cause I'm the biggest flip-flopper in town. At the beginning of this little primary race, I briefly flirted with the man from my home state: Joe Biden. Then he got mouthy and I got serious and slid into Obama's camp. All that talk of Hope, you know? But then... he got surly at Hillary, and she seemed pretty durn smart, so I jumped ship and landed with Hillary's camp.

Debates insued, early morning strategy phone calls with my sister MKVOB occured, and I realized: who am I kidding? She's as slimy as the Republicans!

So I was back with Obama. Firmly, so I thought. Plus, it didn't matter- by the time PA's primary rolled around, there would be no question.

Until... Hillary came outta nowhere and won Ohio and Tejas! And PA is the NEXT BIG THING. And you know what? In my heart of hearts, soul of souls, I was happy for her when she won. I was relieved.

So, Mommy I'm coming home. I was wooed by the wonder of the new man, the man of change... but I'm done flirting and I am ready to get serious with Hillary. She's experienced, yo!

Hillary -- ahem, Senator Clinton -- you ARE change. You are tireless. You work really hard!

I'm not campaigning on this blog post, more like I am just showing how stressful it all is. I can't choose based on supporting one race over the other, or one gender over the other. Or worry that one's experience = old cronies, or one's inexperience = immaturity. I just have to go with my gut. And pray that McCain loses.

Another new love: Yael Naim

What could be...

...cuter than her accent?
...lovelier than her cheekbones?
...more charming than her video?

My new favorite: Laura Marling

What is it with me and young British gals (ahem, Kate Nash, Lily Allen, Adele)? Well, now I am obsessed with folksy towhead Laura Marling.

Here she is in New Romantic: "Maybe I should give up, give in... give up trying to be thin, give up and turn into my mother... God knows I love her."

Or, in Typical: "I'll keep on going, I've got nothing to lose. I gave up morals when I took up you."

(Coda: I love how the Brits say "fit" for "hot.")

A Thousand Splendid Suns Visual

If you're a book club member & have read Chapter 21, you may be wondering what the Bamiyan Valley looks like. I've provided some pictures for you so that you can visualize what the author is referring to.

Enjoy! Oh, & if you haven't gotten this far in the book yet, start reading! This is an amazing book. Thanks to whomever suggested it.

First look at Britney in new video. Really?

Seriously, this is supposed to be Britney in her new video, 'Break the Ice".
This doesn't even look remotely like her. Seriously, this could be any random ass person. I don't get it...

It kinda even looks like the wicked witch who hates the smell of popcorn.

Ha ha, you know who I'm talking about...

The Path Not Taken?

what is it about our love's past loves (or flings, one-night stands, what have you) that is so grossly compelling?

beanorama very accurately described the feeling you get when you realize your significant other had a past, and that past is full of wo-men. "you get excited, nervous and a stomach ache all at the same time." it's akin to a car crash - you do not want to look (how morbid!) but you must satisfy your curiosity.

of course it is silly - everyone above the age of 12 has had a crush and the older we get the more exes we collect. it's not rare to be confronted with "the ex," either in person or through pictures or stories, so why is it so yucky?

i got to thinking about this very subject this morning and of course my mind eventually came around to a SATC episode.

remember when carrie keeps running into big's new woman, natasha, and she is humiliated and wants to look good to impress the tall, skinny and beautiful new mrs. big?

thinking back on this situation i see that carrie is crazy - no matter that natasha is gorgeous and has the guy. she has to co-exist with a woman her husband not only once loved, but that detailed all the intricacies of their relationship in print! talk about a stomach ache.

Put This On Your Netflix

its good. real good. i love wes anderson films.

all three actors are charming in their own way.

and i bought the soundtrack from itunes.

Journalism At Its Finest

me and my husband have been obsessed with christiane amanpour for years. why? take your pic. the beauty, the brains, the deep voice with an accent that you just can't place (think Tina Turner or Madonna, but much much cooler).

we watched the iconoclasts episode which featured her and renee zellwegger for like the third time this weekend.

side note: this is really a good show only on sundance channel which takes two icons but from different worlds, puts them together, perhaps for the first time, and then film them as they get to know one another, and understand what the other one does. its like wife swap meets celebrity fit club meets inside the actor's studio.

back to the wonderful christiane. here are some interesting facts about her:

Shortly after her birth in London, her father Mohammad, an Iranian airline executive, and her British mother Patricia, moved the family to Tehran. that explains the accent i guess.

Amanpour moved to the United States to study journalism at the University of Rhode Island. During her time at U.R.I. she worked in the News Department at WBRU-FM Providence. One of her college housemates was John F. Kennedy, Jr, who was attending Brown University; they remained close friends until his death in 1999. wow.

It was her coverage of the Persian Gulf War that followed Iraq's occupation of Kuwait in 1990 that made her famous, while also taking the network to a new level of news coverage. Thereafter, she reported from the Bosnian war and many other conflict zones.

Based out of CNN's London bureau, Amanpour is one of the most recognized international correspondents on American television. Her willingness to work in dangerous conflict zones has reportedly made her one of the more highly (if not the highest) paid field reporters in the world.

She speaks English, Persian, and French fluently.

She sat down with North Korea's chief nuclear negotiator Kim Kye Gwan on February 26, 2008 after the New York Philharmonic visit to North Korea.

In 1998 Christiane married James Rubin who at the time was an Assistant Secretary of State and spokesman for the U.S. State Department.

Forbes magazine named her one of the 100 Most Powerful Women

Just To Give Myself a Pick Me Up.....

I just told Beanorama that during my workday, I like to watch the Sex and the City trailer because it makes me feel so good and propels my through the rest of my day. She told me I was nuts, but we laughed with glee about the upcoming movie.

I.

Cannot.

Wait.

Here is the official movie website: http://www.sexandthecitymovie.com/

Two things to know.

ALG and I both learned important things this week:

• I taught ALG that if you order from the red phone at J. Crew stores, you get free shipping.
• Unusual taught me that if you deposit a check sans envelope, they scan it and give you a little picture right on your receipt! It's so clever.

I'm Ashamed Too....

Can we please get a show of hands for how many SoUnpretty contributors & readers enjoy B. Spears' Blackout album? Last week, I heard her "Break the Ice" song on the radio & was shaking my tail feather as much as humanly possible while driving in a sedan.

At first I resisted the impulse to jam 'cause I thought it was Heidi Montag. Then, when the DJ announced who the singer was, I still wasn't sure if I felt any less ashamed. Well, it's been about a week since I heard her song & now I'm jonesing to hear it again. I also found out that I'm not crazy about the Heidi Montag similarity . That photo-op opportunist is doing a "duet" with Britney. Meaning, she & the Spence got a hold of some Britney tracks & Heidi is singing along with them.

Anyway, last time I checked these are the SoUnpretty Britney Spears Blackout fans:

1) AlltheRage
2) Mo Cheeks
3) Unusual Suspect
4) Flip Flop Girl

Anyone else? Anyone? Anyone? You might as well 'fess up now 'cause it's going to come out eventually. It's ok, just stand up & announce to the room, " Hi, my name is your name here & I'm a Britney Spears fan." Or, "I'm here, I'm not queer, but I can't wait to go to Woody's & shake my ass with a bunch of guys that know how to get their groove on to a Britney Spears hit!"

Really, it's OK. Here's the song in case you haven't heard it yet.

Why? Why? Why?

I saw the preview for Bachelor Party 2 while watching some other DVD. I don't know about you, but I loved the 80s original with Tom Hanks. I think & hope that this is going straight to DVD. Why they decided to make a sequel (& a crappy-looking one at that) some 20-odd years later is beyond me.

Here it is for your viewing pleasure. Blech.

What "We Own the Night" Should've Been Like...

I'm not sure if this post title is grammatically correct, but whatever. Anyway, this movie looks excellent. It stars Jon "my daughter's crazy" Voight, Colin "crazy eyebrows" Ferrell, and Ed "an Ivy-Leaguer that does a damn good job playing mentally-challenged characters" Norton.

P.S. - We Own the Night was pretty disappointing considering the star power. Feel free to drop it to the bottom of your queue if it's on your list.

We Haven't Come A Long Way, Baby...

Another outcome of my car accident is that I've had to drive a rental car all week. Since I haven't been in a newer car recently (my car's an '02), I was under the impression (due to car commercials & articles) that car technology has changed to accommodate female drivers since research has shown that women primarily make the major purchasing decisions in a household & since women are usually doing the majority of the driving.

However, I learned during this week that while cars are making tremendous improvements in lots of areas (seats that move easily, MP3 compatible ports, etc.) that car manufacturers still haven't' created what I really need - a space to stash my handbag! I'm not talking about the passenger seat, either. Every woman knows that when you have a passenger in the car, it's kind of rude to toss your purse into their lap. And we also know that tossing it all the way onto the backseat is just damn inconvenient. If it's on the backseat, how are you going to apply your lipstick while at a stop light?

Also, I'm not a smoker, but have you noticed that car manufacturers are almost forcing people to quit smoking by not having an ashtray in your car? Think about it - ashtrays in the car are quickly becoming a thing of the past. I think lighters are next, too. Which I'm going to miss 'cause my mom told me that you could use one as a weapon if you're ever attacked near your car.

Great, when we're old, we'll be telling our grandkids - " Kids, I remember when there were ashtrays in your car. So that mommy could smoke her cigarettes & apply nail polish at the same time".

I'm really thinking about bringing this to the attention of a few car manufacturers. Anyone else willing to sign a petition?

What happens at the office...

Sometimes the office is an alternate reality...and I don't mean the tv show. For example, this conversation actually happened:

Me: "Yea, so I am pretty nervous about getting robbed 'cause I'm American ... or about getting malaria..."

He-who-shall-not-be-named: "Are you writing this down? You should totally write this down. In five years you will look back and laugh at the things you worried about when you were young. You'll be like, omigod, that is like, nothing."

So... in five years... my valid concerns will be more like, running out of champagne at Bump?

Is Anyone Else Afraid of Safe Auto Car Insurance?

As a result of the car accident that I was in on Saturday, I've become extra-sensitive to foolish maneuvers & behavior that I see while behind the wheel. This is not a good mind-set to be in when you have to commute to & from work everyday.

Anyway, I've started to pay closer attention to the Safe Auto ads recently. While some are humorous (there's this one commercial where a couple is driving through a shopping mall parking lot & people are fleeing in every which direction to avoid being hit by the driver 'cause everyone knows that he has a horrible driving record), is anyone else concerned about how Safe Auto keeps advertising themselves as willing to insure anyone? No matter what their driving record is or how little coverage they need? Something just doesn't seem "safe" about that.

Maybe it's just me.

Tyra- STFU & learn something

The story below is about a former supermodel named Katoucha Naine. She was found dead in the Seine recently. She was an activist against female circumcision. It's a shame that a model that has contributed to raising awareness about a worthwhile & infrequently discussed cause has passed away.

Tyra could afford to learn a thing or two instead of constantly running her mouth & acting as though donning a fat suit for a day really contributes to a better society.

You can read about Katocha here:http://cbs5.com/entertainment/Katoucha.top.model.2.666120.html

Green Confusion

I don't know if you've noticed, but this season the color green is popping up everywhere in stores. As much as I like the cheery color, I'm just not sure how much is too much. For instance, I'm really torn about this Ann Taylor loft sweater. What do I wear it with? Khaki-colored pants? Since the safari theme is in this season too, I'm afraid that I'll either look like a camp counselor or some electronics store employee. I've also seen cute green shoes but I'm afraid that they're too trendy & I won't be able to wear them a year from now, or past St. Patty's Day. Plus, I don't want to wind up looking a like a leprechuan if I wear too much green.

Help! My disposable income depends on your input.

I love this thing!

This is the second time that the City Paper has done this amazing bracket showdown! If you don't live in Philly, you won't "get it" (sorry). VOTE HERE FOR YOUR FAVES ON ALL THINGS PHILLY!

(Shout out to Game 32... go Enrico and the700level!!)

Definitions

boob itch

noun. an annoying and sudden sensation on or around the breast (usually female) that sometimes leads to inappropriate and embarrassing scratching. (syn: raw bra)

Adopt Me, Please?

let me introduce you to Harrison Ford. seriously, that's his name. find out more.

Someone Hand Me a Fly Swatter

how ANNOYING are those BlueFly.com commercials? you know, the naked lady ones. she's all naked and shit and she's walking through an airport security checkpoint. everytime i see this stupid spot, i just shake my head in disgust. dumb.

well, tonight, i saw that same naked lady in a new and equally corn-dog scenario. wait for it...wait for it...she's catching a bouquet at a wedding. naked. wow, will that EVER get old?

(that music is weird too. its like robot-conveyor belt-80's music or something).

What Do Kangaroos and Great Snacks Have In Common?

they both come in cute little pouches!

my newest, favorite food is anything that comes in one of those new 100 calorie portion control pouches. you name it, they pouch it.

cheez-its, doritos, sun chips, nutter butters, cheese balls, chex mix, cookies, fig newtons, the list goes on.

they are so easy to grab and throw in my bag and bring to work. and i feel better that i am practicing portion control. i have little to no will power. this i know.

and yes, i also know i am paying more for the pre-packaged convenience, but i tell you this---i never ever took the time or effort to pack my snacks before i found these things. just didnt, wouldnt, couldnt. so don't even go posting your comments about "self control" and "wasting money". these things are like "blah, blah, blah" to my eyes.

Pucker Up, Mother Sucker

behold, the new face of louis vuitton. keith effing richards. LV's ad team must have run out of real cash to pay their celebrity endorsers, and only had coke and jack daniels to offer. keith was like, "bloody alright then!"

his skin would better serve as a duffle bag.

seriously, seeing this makes me never want to smoke or drink again.

Project Runway

oh project runway, how i love thee. as i settle in this fine eve, giddy and excited to watch the season finale, i can't help but feel a bit sad. i don't want it to go away! its sooo good.

i hope and pray my favorite little fagbot, christian, wins tonight. he's so "fierce". and what a petite little man is he.

the other two designers are good, but no comparison personality wise...gillian needs to stop taking xannies or something. girlfriend always sounds so sedated when she speaks. and rami, he's just annoying in a way i really can't explain.

p.s. i propose a runway walk-off tomorrow afternoon should christian win. and if he doesnt...well, i'll just die.

It Has Been Chosen

Let's get to reading!

Period. End of Sentence.

if having my period is a prison sentence and taking the pill is a metaphor for parole from pain, suffering and general discomfort that usually comes with the territory...then i think i have been denied parole.

i think my pill just doesnt work like it used to. in the last 6 months, i have started getting symptoms that i've never had before usually a few days before aunt flow comes to visit. long-lasting headaches, lower back pain, anxious feelings...this is so not normal for me. i've been on the pill for 10 years. wait! TEN YEARS! omg. i cannot believe that. jeez, i'm old.

is my contraceptive starting to break down? what's going on???

In Da Club

Our inaugural book club gathering was held on Sunday. I think it was a resounding success. While our first book provided a daunting task (973 pages!), we got through it and appreciated the challenge. Can't wait to get started on the next book, whatever it may be.

I Hate When That Happens.....

I was so excited about the spring weather today, so I decided to wear a navy blue shirt dress I bought recently with brown sling back heels and what I thought was nicely flat-ironed hair.

I just went to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself and it ain't good. My hair is puffy. I am pale and I do not have enough eye make-up on. I don't look nearly as good as I thought I did.

(Kicks dirt.)

Full of Hot Air

All germaphobes, get your money back! Airborne is coughing up cash for anyone who claims to have wasted money on the product. Without receipts (who keeps old CVS receipts?) the mega-rich company will pay for up to six Airborne purchases per duped consumer. The reason for the lawsuit: The miracle effervescent tablet does not cure the common cold like they claimed; instead, it is an expensive dose of Vitamin C. Read.

I'm back...and *not* better than ever.

But the point is, folks, I am back in my tap shoes and shuffle-ball-changing away! Although my first place fired me (harumph) the instructor found a mini studio on a second floor of a bar. I dug out my hideous tap shoes, literally picked dust bunnies off of them, and re-learned my shuffles and my rudiments and even a little bit of my "Cows" routine.

Oh, it just feels so good to be a dork.

(I'm so glad Smedelicious is with me!)

Senators Clinton & Obama?

Hi Hill. Hi Barack.

I know universal healthcare is a big issue for you as you battle in out in Ohio and Tejas and whatnot. Do me this one favor and help me out here.

I have to get a $h!tload of inoculations before I head to Africa next month. Wow, only $65 for all my shots and the appointment, not bad! I thought, when I was on the phone with the travel doctor. But then she tells me that the U.S. of A. is in serious shortage of the Yellow Fever vaccination, so I have to go to a special clinic and pay a special fee... $150 for just that shot alone!

Now, how come I have to pay extra bc the U.S. didn't procure enough vaccination? And I can't even use my health insurance to pay!

I am totes aware this is a first world problem I am dealing with, but still and all.

BTW, what IS Yellow Fever?