New Four Eyes.

I look creepy.

Vacation, all I ever wanted.

In 9 days I will go on vacation with 44 members of the vO clan. My architect uncle made the sleeping plan... voila:

My bike's "before" pictures.

Can you tell I'm excited?

I wish I wrote this about Rubella deVille.

"BARKLEY THE CAT" - Marc Israel Music Video! from Marc Israel on Vimeo.

Belknap!

Belknap is the cabin I stay in when I go to Sandy Island, New Hampshire... where I am going in two weeks! Here is a video that my cousin MvO found to get me through the next two weeks. It's taken by some other campers of the lovely Lake Winnepesaukee outside of Belknap cabin.

My new bike!

I'm so excited! I'm also so scurred. I got a bike- a red bike, with foot brakes! Just what this girl needs. Sorry cabbies: from now on I'll pedal and save my sheckles. I feel like a real Philadelphian now. I promise I'll wear a helmet most times.

Thanks, anonymous commenter, for doin' it up.

Don't pay outrageous 411 prices.

This is cool:

Not just a friend of Monica and Rachel

After a three-hour ride home from the shore today, I decided to reward myself with some delicious culinary delights from Phoebe's Bar-B-Q on South Street. This time I'm going for a sides-only order. The ribs I had last time were great, but it was a huge meal. So, I'm goin for mashed, mac, and veg. My mouth is watering. I wrote this post to kill time. Gotta go pick it up.

(Note: The above pic is not of an actual Phoebe's meal, but it still looks good.)

My Fave Summer Show Returns Tonight

If you didn't have chance to catch MadMen last summer, tonight's the chance to start watching Season 2. I love this show so much & it really should be a show that comes on during the regular tv season. It was already nominated for a whole bunch of Emmys. Just in case you don't know what it's about - the show is based on ad execs in NYC in the 50s & all of the marketing, culture, politics & other fascinating details that were playing out during that era. And, it's really smart & sleek writing. Here's a trailer if you're interested. If you decide to tune in this season & need some background on Season 1, I will gladly clue you in.

Another reason to dislike the Hogan's

I don't know about you, but I've already had it with the Hogan family because of the whole Nick Hogan putting his friend into a coma/I don't deserve to be in prison/public divorce nonsense. For a while, it seemed as though their man-daughter Brooke was the only sane one. Now, I'm not so sure. This clip is just proof that no one in their family should be recorded saying anything without a publicist present.

This time it wasn't Sherri Shepherd....

The only reason why this clip is interesting is because whenever I tune into The View, I keep a running bet against myself debating how long it will take until Whoopi stands up & smacks the shit out of either Sherri Shepherd or Elizabeth Hasselback. And then, which one will it be first? Last week, Elizabeth was the one that said something dumb & I was hoping that it would be followed by Whoopi smacking the crap out of Elizabeth. No such luck. However, if you haven't seen this clip yet, you can watch it & check out Whoopi's facial expressions.

Everything's coming up skank

Marie Claire included a "Sexy 101" list in its August issue, and I found one of the items particularly disturbing.

21. Sexiest weight-loss plan: Red Wine Diet. Drink yourself skinny.

I didn't read on after that for fear of what else they find particularly sexy this year. I guess (read: hope) they were trying to be funny, but I read it while I was in one of my American-girls-are-getting-dumber-and-trashier moods.

Also, while I was in Greece, people told us that foreign guys love American girls because they think they are easy, an opinion based on "Sex and the City" and "Girls Gone Wild" apparently. So, I guess non-Americans aren't that bright either.

Happy Friday everyone.

Summer hot, summer cold.

I have a summer cold. It's not terrible: I am just stuffed up and have a few sneezes. On a scale of 1-10, it's only a 5 or 6. But the bad part is not that it's a cold, but that it's a summer cold. In the winter, it's tempting to go home, eat hot soup, drink tea and cuddle up in bed with your little black cat. But in Summer, when your a.c. barely kicks in, the thought of hot liquids and comfy duvets makes a girl want to sweat.

On the bright side, I get free pizza for lunch today.

I don't think your baby is cute.

Last night I saw The Dark Knight at the Roxy on Sansom Street. I enjoyed the film, but I did not enjoy the crying infant in the row next to me. As soon as I saw the mom/dad/baby entered, I knew the outcome would not be good. Of course he/she kept crying, the inconsiderate parents would keep getting up to go to the lobby, and then they would come back in only to repeat the process. Eventually, they gave up and left the movie, and there was a sigh of relief from the crowd.

Thanks for ruining the first half of the movie for all the patrons who decided not to bring crying babies.

On a related note, I feel the same way about people who bring infants on airplanes. Unless they are going to visit family or making a necessary trip, people should not be so thoughtless to bring a baby on a plane where he/she will inevitably cry and scream from the air pressure. My Hawaii flight two years ago was a disaster - six hours of high-pitched screaming didn't exactly get our vacation off to a good start.

Hurts.

Why do I have to stare at and obsess over any cuts or bruises when I get them? I have never bruised easily, so I enjoy when I get one.

I wish I had a cool story about this one, like I was skydiving and the parachute didn't open so I grabbed onto an eagle and its talon scratched me, but really I just launched myself over a balcony sneaking out of a hotel pool in a bikini. Dumb.

It Sucks.

J.Crew.com redid their sale section and it sucks. Period.

Just because.

Chase! Tee Hee Hee....

Last night, we were watching the Home Run Derby and our very own Chase Utley was up to bat. When they introduced him, you could hear the audience clearly booing him and he said something back, but I couldn't really tell what. But I heard it this morning on the radio, by God, did I hear it.

"Boo? F--k you," he said.

I love it. I am sorry, I know I should worry about his reputation, but to be quite honest, he's allowed to be human.

I'm only human......flesh and blood, a man.....

I wrote, and I conquered.

My realtor informed me that my rent would be increasing by $30 per month starting in September. I mulled it over and decided to write a letter explaining why I think my rent should stay the same for the next year. And, they gave in (to my surprise, honestly)! It was quite a victory. Now how will I spend that extra 30 bones every month? Hmm...

(ECR, never underestimate the power of a letter.)

Should I get stoned?

For the past two weeks, I've had this desire to learn a different language. Nothing crazy - just Spanish. Right now I just put an o on the end of every word. Anyway, I'm running into some trouble. Rosetta Stone is $500 for steps 1, 2 and 3. Here are my problems:
1. I technically don't have a computer. I could stay late at work, but I don't know how that would go.
2. I technically don't have $500. Early Christmas present from mom and dad? (They'd probably just split it. We don't get $500 worth of gifts.)
3. I took Spanish for 4.5 years and only learned to say "Mi madre es muy loca." Maybe I don't have an aptitude for languages.
4. I don't want to take classes because I would not want to go every week. I have never been good at class attendance.

Despite these things, I still really want to do it. Any thoughts or suggestions? Has anyone ever tried RS? Am I destined to be a gringo for life?

Ode to a... Flower Bud?

If you are a long-time Unpretty reader, you'll remember my Odes to various foodstuffs. I would sing the praises of artichokes and coconut soup, avocado and asparagus, beets and mango. (This was a particular dislike of one Mr. Richman, Esquire.)

Looking back, I see the Ode became a favorite of Unusual (lint brush roller), Notorius ALG (Silent Observer) and Flip Flop Girl (milk and clementines).

Well, here's the latest: and Ode to the Caper. The caper is a tricky little food item. Is it a veggie? No. A berry? Sort of. It's a flower bud, all salty and pickly and delish. It goes great in pasta and even BETTER on a bagel with cream cheese. It's definitely savory and not sweet. It's little. It's related to its bigger, less awesome cousin, the caper berry. It's nice on chicken.

Caper: I love you. Don't ever go away.

Another nightmare.

Shoooo-ee, ya'll. I thought my anti-malaria pills gave me nightmares, but damn, they keep happening. The latest? My sister, MKVOB-B, was in prison and was a crackhead. She also was prostituting herself via the internet. [Must have been a liberal prison.]

Really she's a sweet newlywed psychology PhD down in Richmond. She's a natural blonde.

I think I am watching too much Intervention.

Gnawing at my brain

Something has been bothering me for almost a week, and I am hoping that someone out there can help me with it.

In the movie Good Night, and Good Luck, a man and a woman who are married work at the same news station (CBS), but they have to keep it a secret because of company policy. In one scene, the woman reminds her husband to take off his wedding band before he leaves. She says, "What other wife tells her husband to take off his wedding ring before he goes to work?" The man responded, "Ava Gardner."

I DON'T GET IT. Why is this funny/witty? Who did Ava say that to? Frank? If so, I still don't understand. Please, help me.

Back in Black (or brown, tan, white or other neutral color I wear)

Hey kids. While I loved playing the part of a Greek goddess for 10 days, I'm glad to be back with all of you - both in person and online. I missed you, and I know you missed me.

So Unpretty Stars

Beanorama and mo cheeks...

Cash, Money....

When people write me checks for money that they owe me, I get excited. "YEAH! MONEY! WAHOO!," I think and beeline to a PNC to cash the check.

Apparently, I am not the norm. As of today, there are two outstanding checks that I have written to people that have not been cashed. It has been more than two months and it is bothering me. They are not for small sums and it messes me up on online banking. Luckily, I do balance a checkbook, but it still is annoying.

Perhaps those that keep checks for months without cashing them can explain?

I won a prize!

Ya'll! I never win prizes! But I won one for Notorious ALG. Check out this blog post on Brooklyn Bride, here. 151 people tried to win!

A good thing and a bad thing.

A good thing: certain words deserve and extra letter. Like, "hot" should really be "hott" and "sexy" should really be "sexxy"

A bad thing: when you get one of those recurring cuts on the inside of your nose, and you pick the scab (is it a booger? is it a scab?) and it bleeds.

I'm bored.

Why you shouldn't have to work on July 3.

[disclaimer to HR: this is all hypothetical.... hahah just kiddin' everyone knows we don't have HR!]

This is why today is useless. This is what I have done at work today:

1. arrived at 9:35
2. ate a kiwi, yogurt, tabbuleh
3. signed my name on 100 copies of paper
4. ate a salad, smartfood popcorn and chocolate milk
5. lamented the chocolate milk
6. watched a video of the dude from Vanity Fair get waterboarded (verdict: it is torture)
7. practiced my Renegirl dance moves and falsetto with mo cheeks
8. eaten a carrot cake cupcake (Happy Birthday Popsie!)
9. commented on blog posts about 80s cover bands and Xtina Aguilera
10. Facebook, Twitter, Hotmail, Facebook, Twitter, Hotmail, Facebook...