Ah the fallback gift

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry that I am giving you cigars...again. And no, they aren't even your favorite ones. They were out of the Opus X brand that you love, so I chose from the Padron Anniversary series. I know that, on top of this, it is also disappointing to find only three cigars in the gift box. I am poor. Please keep in mind that you are one of the most difficult men in America to shop for. Happy birthday.

Love,

Flip

Poor Pup. Mean Man.

Adopt Me, Please?

This pooch is perfect for you! His name is Bean and he wants to give you love and affection. Check him out now.

Another Reason Why I (heart) Matt Damon

Since we're all in a video posting mood, I'm posting this gem. Just in case you haven't seen it or don't know what it's about - Matt Damon did this little skit with Sarah Silverman last week for the Jimmy Kimmel show. I already have a huge crush on Matt Damon, but this solidified it. I haven't seen him make fun of himself in this way since the movie Eurotrip. He's one cool,suburban dad.

Kids say the durndest things.

So, while we are posting cute videos of kids, I thought I'd throw this gem in. Hadleigh and Megan are my precocious, adorable, sweet, smart little second cousins. They adore High School Musical. It's worth it to watch this video... at least until Hadleigh asks her "question."

(Hadleigh is in a white shirt and pink pants. She's a little blonde gal. Her sis is in red shirt, brown pants.)

CHECK IT.

Yes, it's the return of THE DANCING QUEEN!

Jamil and I are all over this thing... No, we don't work for the Philly Marketing Group or anything but even my fly boots (R.I.P.) made a cameo!

What would Jesus advertise?

The church who advertised that they "Church is cool (and air conditioned too)" has put their marketing team to work yet again. This time they are appealing to the Web 2.0 crowd with this doozie:

Get connected.
With free wireless internet and with God.

Growing pains

About a week ago, my mother timidly asked if I would dog-sit for them so they don't have to board my poor pup. "No problem," I said. Then she informed me that the weekend in question is March 14-16. She said, "Think about it and give me an answer some other time." For any confused readers out there, this is St. Patrick's weekend. The actual day of observance is on Monday this year, so much of the revelry will take place during the weekend.

After a day of mulling over my decision, I agreed to trade in my green beer this year to watch Zip. This is a turning point. Mark the date.

The Stupid Thing Sherri Shepherd Said This Week, 2/4/08

The week is still early, so I'm sure after the Super Tuesday results are in, Sherri's bound to say something else dumb,like, "Oh... what do you mean Ross Perot isn't a candidate this year?" However, thanks to the friggin' Constitution & certian inalienable rights, Sherri Shepherd was allowed to vote & poll places had to allow her in. Here's what she had to say about her experience.

The Stupid Thing Sherri Shepherd Said Last Week, 1/28/08

Just in case you haven't seen/heard the most recent stupid thing that Sherri Shepherd has said, here it is. I have to warn you, it involves voting. The really scary part about it is that I'm not so sure that I want her to be involved with this very important democratic process. She's truly just too stupid to handle it. The major parts of this clip that will have you mystified is 1) how long she thinks that a Presidential term is, 2) how she has never voted & 3) how she thinks her d-list celeb status gaurantees her some kind of extension. Unfortunately, this clip doesn't show that later on in the conversation, her justification for not having voted during her lifetime is that she didn't know what day Election Day is! That first Tuesday in November is a brutal date to remember, I know.

She should definitely stick to stuff that she knows about. Later on on this episode, she & Elizabeth Hasselbitch demonstrate how well they know New Kids on the Block lyrics by heart. Voting? Not so much.

A Drinking Town With A Football Problem

i talked to my dad yesterday about the superbowl. he talked about how excited he was for the giants, blah, blah, blah. THEN he went on to say that he was happier this past sunday night following the giants win than he was two years ago when the steelers won the superbowl.

WHAT?! dad, i said, how is that possible? he is a superfan. this is the man that raised me and my sister - she is so addicted to the steelers she takes off work following games because they don't air in london until 1am sometimes.

he explained that when the steelers won he was just immensely relieved, he needed them to win so badly he couldn't even be happy when they did. but since the giants aren't really his team he could feel actual joy.

"dad, that is sick," i said.
"no, i talked to a buddy at work and he said the same thing!"

of course he did. they work in a steel mill in pittsburgh.

Be Still, My J.Crew-Loving Heart.....

Since the days of Barn Jackets and shetland crew necks, I have been in love with J.Crew. I faltered a bit in my early college days and tried other clothiers, but J.Crew kept me coming back. Do I think their increase in prices in the past two years is inappropriate? Yes. Does it make me mad that their final sale items sell out faster than I can add them to my shopping bag? Absolutely.

But as my dear friend Z said to me today, "Whoever they've got in there these days is working overtime...."

A sampling of how I will blow my paycheck next month/charge up my VISA/the reason I will live on tuna:

The Most Embarrassing Trash Ever

this is heidi montag's "finished" music video.
i don't even know where to start.
the music sounds like she pressed the demo key on her casio keyboard. the lip syncing doesn't even match up!

i think my favorite scenes are when she is lying on a beach towel next to a bottle of banana boat tanning oil. pure class.

oh, and the theatrics. i think michael k. from dlisted may have said it best... "the videos I used to make when I was 11-years-old had higher production values than this. This video is basically Girls Gone Wild without the emotional intensity meets those karaoke videos."

hilarious. "emotional intensity."

Premonition???

this weekend, i had an awful dream. nightmare really.

i dreamt that Feist killed herself! awful, i know. i loooove Feist. her latest cd is mad awesome.

in the dream, she killed herself, because she had been raped in the bathroom of a club she was performing in and she could not live with herself or face her husband.

i'm a real dramatic dreamer, huh? can you just imagine me as a kid? i cant.

The Aussie Omen?

Bindi, bindi, bindi...

at first, i thought you were effing adorable and sweet. my heart actually broke for you when your dad died. but then, i started to see a little red glare instead of childish sparkle in your eye. you seem a little forced. well, more than a little...almost programmed. programmed to take over the whole world. someday, you will sit on a throne of skulls, devouring all of our souls, one by one.

i shiver with fear every time you're on daytime t.v.

Motherly Love

as we all know, tonight was the superbowl. when i casually asked my mom tonight who she was rooting for, she promptly replied and with a sharp tongue, "oh, whichever team tom brady is NOT on."

this intrigued me. i didnt know my mom would even have an opinion, let alone such a specific and somewhat aggressive response.

"why's that?"

she shrugged her shoulders and wrinkled her nose and made a squeamish face. "he's just...TOO perfect. and i hate perfect people. except for you."

i considered it a compliment. sorry, tom.

Ring-what?

today a veterinarian came to my house and looked at one of my two cats for approximately 12 seconds before they both scratched, hissed and hid until he left.

during those 12 seconds and due to my very detailed descriptions of their condition the vet was able to diagnose my babies with ringworm.

ringworm! ew! so now we know where the scaly skin, non-stop licking and color-changing nose came from.

i have to go to a human pharmacy and request a prescription for a patient named "poki" bc they are able to take a human anti-fungal drug. (ringworm is actually a fungus, not a bug) that should go over well.

now of course they are sleeping like little angels and i just want to hug and kiss them... not without washing my hands immediately after - ringworm is quite contagious. :(

Why Aren't You Watching?

seriously. this show is perfect. but nobody watches. i know writers strikes don't help anything, but really... the new york times said, "this new drama about high school football could be great — and not just television great, but great in the way of a poem or painting."

washington post called it "extraordinary in just about every conceivable way."

time magazine said it was #4 on the list of top ten returning series.

and aside from all that it is just GOOD. sigh.

AND you can watch every singe episode of all two seasons (roughly 36 hours of excellent TV) here: http://www.nbc.com/Friday_Night_Lights/video/episodes.shtml

Rebel with a juicy cause

As I bit into a shiny red apple last night, I remembered my short-loved, fruit-related rebellious stage. My parents always told me to wash my fruit before eating. After years of mindlessly obeying their command, I decided one day to stop the water-wasting cycle. For about a year, I refused to wash my apples, oranges, pears and strawberries. (I still rinsed peaches to remove the excess fuzz.) These days, I am happy to report, I thoroughly rinse all fruit.

On a related note, my grandmother used to wash her fruit with soap and water.

I concede

I've always disputed the traditional laundry laws, namely the separation rule. Call me a liberal radical, but I don't believe in segregating clothes simply because of their colors. Two nights ago, I finally got what many people said was coming to me. New red shirt. Cream sweater. White tank. You get the picture. The sweater is almost salvageable, but I really don't like pink. So to me, it's a goner. Soon a lucky Good Will shopper will wear the shirt for an important job interview. Her hard-times look will be softened by the light rose color she dons. She will get the job, work her way up from minimum wage and start making more money than me. But I digress.