Thursday, June 28, 2007

Speaking of Rittenhouse Square

Beano's post below about Rittenhouse Square inspired me to write this notice. Soon enough, the park will be my new home. Check the benches. That's right, my blogging buds. Before we know it, I will join the elite ranks of the Philadelphia homeless population. I CANNOT APARTMENT HUNT ANYMORE!!!

Thank you and goodnight.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Christmas in July...Fa' Real Though

who was it that said, "Tis Better To Give Than Receive"?

Paris Hilton i think...

ah, anywho. "why is she thinking about christmas when its nearly july?" you may find yourself asking. well, its because my wack-o next door neighbor told me a few days ago that he spent most of his sunday making his christmas card list.

yeah, exactly.

how does he make his list? by going through all of the christmas cards he received the previous holiday. if he got a card from you, you make the list. no dice. there's a few disturbing things about this.

1. dude, you save your christmas cards for six months?
2. dude, you are harsh.
3. dude, where are your balls at?

Official SoUnpretty Weather Forecast

Today's temperature: Melt your make-up right off your face degrees

Today's heat index: That burning sensation when you have a UTI degrees

What to wear: Pretty Woman Sun Hat, a Vicky's bikini, and Jessica Simpson wedges

What to eat: kiwi water ice and sourpatch kids

When will it be over? when Paris Hilton gets sprung from jail...oh wait-she's out already you say? damn, nevermind. its still effing hot.

I Hope My Car Doesnt Have an STD

its that time again. inspection time. oh, how i hate thee. ginger the jetta is at the mechanics as we speak, getting poked and prodded and "inspected".

its completely necessary though...she's been really "getting around" if you know what i mean. and she's been doing so without insurance protection.

(hardee-har-har. nothing like a little motor vehicle-sex analogy to get your day started.)

stay cool m-effers, its gonna be a hot one.

Havin a Heat Ms. Marilyn Monroe

she certainly can...can-can!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Profound Quotes...From the Movie,"Elf"

today, while email-chaining with smedelicious, i rediscovered how funny the Will Farrel christmas classic, "Elf" is. here are a few choice lines that send fits of laughter through my soul:

Buddy: Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?


Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?
Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite!

and last, but not least

Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy.
Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.
Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'.
Buddy: You're a fake.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Rittenhouse one & two.

I spent a lot of today reading in Rittenhouse Square. First, I tried out the SW corner...something new and diff. I pretty much stared at the bare chest of a hot dude the whole time. And when he left, he asked if I wanted his Sunday NY Times. (Did I ever!)

Next, I was in the NE corner. It was a little more crowded. I ate a delicious avocado-tomato-basil-jumbo lump crabmeat salad (courtesy of DiBrunos & Unusual's garden) and then read a book & chatted on the phone. As it was getting dark, a semi-hipster comes up and asks about my book. He doesn't smile once. I asked about his book, and he proceeds to tell me all about the history of India and The Buddha. I ask if he is enjoying his book. He very solemnly nods, no smile. He comes back 20 mins later and asks if he can read beside me, but I was just packing up to go home, I said. So then he tells me he is going to his brother's studio to rebuild a piano. He is still very serious, and very polite. Never cracked a smile, but told me it was enjoyable to talk to me about books.

Ahh... lovely Rittenhouse. It Rocks and Rolls.

Some funny dealings upstairs.

I'm pretty sure my upstairs neighbor is a drug dealer. First of all, he has a lot of people always coming and going. More "friends" than the average joe, plus, even if a person has a lot of friends, they are not always visiting your apartment.

Second, I've only seen him twice. The first time, I overheard someone ask if he was in school, and he said "No, but maybe one of these days I'll go back." Not being in school doesn't mean he is a dealer, but the fact that he never appears to be going to work kinda makes me wonder what he does with his days. The second time I saw him he was smoking a bowl outside the bldg.

Third, on two occassions, two different young guys have seen me go in the front door & asked me to hold the door for them. The first guy saw my hesitation (I'm not letting strange men into the building!) and said, "never mind, he'll just throw down the key for me." Then tonight, a kid asked me to keep the door open for him. I closed it, then opened it a crack, and said, can't you just use the buzzer?" And he was like, "don't worry, he'll just throw the key down for me." Ummm, so it's a common thing that my neighbor is just sitting in his apt having all these people come visit him?

And my bike got stolen.

I don't think we are talking hard core drugs here. All the kids I see appear to be in decent health, and while they seem a bit off the mainstream, no one seems really cookoo. And besides the bike incident, they've always been polite.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Nice Weather We're Having, Eh?

can you believe this weather lately? highs in the upper 70s...a nice, flowing breeze, bright sunny days. weatherpeople are happier than ever, finally reporting the weather as if they were responsible for it. "hey folks! its a beautiful day! your welcome!"

wtf? where's the humidity? where's the stifling heat? the putrid smells of the city?

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Best S & The C Lines Ever.

God. Sex and the City is such a "I'm a girl and I love shoes and cosmos" cliche sometimes... but truly, it has some great effing lines, many of which can be heard here:

Here are some of my all-time faves:

"You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me, Aidan. You have to forgive me. You have to FORGIVE me. You have to forgive me." --Carrie

"I choose my choice!" -- Charlotte

"The loneliness is palpable." --Carrie

"That baby is an asshole." --Samantha

"I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted. Where is he?" --Charlotte

I welcome your input. That means you, ALG. I know you have some.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

What Happens When A Panda Does A Dog

FUN FACT: bamboo makes up 99% of a panda's diet.

Coffee Breath Is The Grossest

not only does it smell, but it tastes bad too. like asparagus.

the only thing that takes it away is a cigarette.

(just kidding. that was a little dig on all my ciga-haters out there).

Braindead and Rainhead

i may be alot of things (a mother to Sadie Girl, a gifted toe-wrestler, a great kareoke singer) but, two things that i am definitely this morning:

1. Braindead: i am so tired and out of it these last few days. is it the heat? is it my iron count? who knows. i need more zzzzzs.

2. Rainhead: this weather does not work well with my hair type. i have naturally wavy, thick hair and on days like this, when its rainy and humid, my hair looks like a rat's nest.

P.S. Speaking of rats nests...has anyone ever actually seen one? i imagine its the most disgusting thing on earth.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Ruminations on The OC: Part One

In Season Three, there's a new kid in town, Matt Ramsey. He works at the Newport Group with Sandy. (I'm just up to the part where he effed up the low-income housing investor meeting because he got a strip dance because he was so sad that his fiancee broke up with him. If you know more... don't tell me!!)

Anyway... doesn't he kinda look like Chase Utley? Chase Utley, THE PHILLIE THAT I HEART SO MUCH??

Monday, June 18, 2007

Simply guilty.

My mother and I have a guilty pleasure: the past two Sundays we've watched The Simple Life... and loved it. If the idea of ana-Nicole and jailbird-Paris counseling campers at fat camp makes you retch, I totally understand... it made me retch too. But then I watched it. And it made me laugh. And it made my mom laugh too.

Paris and Nicole are actually sort of sweet. And really funny in a ballsy sort of way. I don't give them all the credit for their particular brand of sweetness and humour, because I am sure editing has something to do with it, but either way, I got a lot of chuckles from the show.

Am I awful?

Dear Comcast, You Suck

yes, you do. i hope some little blonde PR Jessica for comcast is paid to surf the internet to find positive/negative stories and she finds this one.

not only did comcast screw us this weekend by making us go to not one but two different locations looking for a hi def box, but then, we discover they gave us a bad box once we got home and realized it "could not receive a signal". this term "signal" is now black-listed in my house. we have referenced it, said it, explained that we do not have it, way too many times.

then comcast, then you do the number one no-no. you say that you will send a cable guy here monday between 7 and 8am to figure out why we don't have a "signal".

too bad its now 8:45am and you still arent here. fuckers.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

I'm radio-friendly, I guess.

I think by Year 2010 there will be enough songs about "Caroline" to make a full-length record. Until then, here's a sampling of *my greatest hits:

Kaiser Chiefs: Caroline, Yes
("You got everything so why oh why /Did you have to take Caroline?")

Beach Boys: Caroline, No
("How could you lose that happy glow / Oh, caroline no.")

Kate Nash: Caroline Is A Victim
("Caroline sits in her own place / Playing killer killer killer killer beats")

David Grey: Caroline
("Ah but Caroline / It seems like everytime / Honey all I get is further away")

OutKast: Roses
("Caroline! See she's the reason for the word 'bitch'")

And who can forget the greatest of all time:
Neil Diamond: Sweet Caroline
("Ohhh, sweet Caroline, good times never seem so good.")

I'm not even going to get into how many chick lit books use "Caroline" as the name of the heroine's best friend.

*Not my real name :)

It's Poppin!

WARNING: Watching this video by Lil' Mama will result in instant addiction to drumbeats, lip gloss and of course, Lil' Mama, who's musical genius surely warrants an mtv music award.

Golden Girls...True Poetry from this Heart

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.
And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

EXTRA CREDIT: which golden girl are you? blanche? dorothy? rose? sophia?
i am 60% dorothy, 10% blanche, 30% sophia

Ferraris, Versace and Now...Panzarottis!

the italians have given us so much. great cars, great style...what more could they possibly give? silly you for asking.

last night i went to the famed italian festival in wilmo (shout out to beanorams for being my flaxen-haired guide). it was much bigger than i expected it to be. lots of people, some dressed to the nines, having a grand ole time celebrating anything mambo italiano. there were booths, beer gardens, games, rides, bands playing music, banners waving in the air representing different italian cities and there was also...panzarottis.

what is a panzarotti? i asked myself this question while waiting in the second largest line of the entire festival (second only to the beloved funnel cake line). six bucks later, i got my answer.

it is this: a deep fried pocket of cheese, pepperoni and sauce that you can hold in your hands and devour in about 15 bites. its probably the superior ancestor of the modern day hot pocket. from whence it came, dunno, but glad its here in wilmo and glad that i tried one.

other highlights: winning a gye-goondo pink elephant while playing 18 rounds of skee ball, almost puking on the rainbow ride, and scoring free drinks from a guy who may or may not have been a cop named sunny.

that's amore!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Kind of Sad.

I am sorry to start everyone's Thursday off with a sad note, but Frankie from the Real World: San Diego died today.

She had cystic fybrosis, although they are not confirming that's what it was from yet.

On a lighter note, I loved Brad and Randy from that season. Especially when they were the Mario Brothers for Halloween.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Mornings = Hard.

Before 9 a.m. yesterday, I had:
  1. seen a chihuahua with a huge dong
  2. had a homeless guy on a bike tell me "you're dumb"
  3. gotten diagnosed with 2 almost-cavities
Before 10 a.m today, I have:

  1. overslept til 8:45
  2. poured my splenda not into my coffee, but into the trash, as a stranger watched and laughed
  3. walked out of Wawa with my shirt dress open to my waist.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

My mother is a social media guru.

Apparantly my moms knows how to works the internets big time. She sent me this video, claiming this adorable baby isn't cuter than my # 1 nephew. (She's right.) But he is pretty damn cute.

Ruby's new trick.

I love her, but if she does this again, she's catnip:

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Eating lunch is an act of bravery.

Today I had a work lunch with 4 other ladies. One was a coworker. Two, I had never met before. Within five minutes of sitting down, the conversation turned not to editorial and advertising and magazines and what-not, but to scales. And hipbones. And skirts. Not just any scales though-- scales that can send an electric current through you to measure your water weight. Not just any hipbones--but hipbones that jut out enough so said hipbones' owner can measure her weight. Not just any skirts--but a 20 year old skirt that skirt owner wears once a week to gauge her belly fat.

Ok, this was all disturbing enough. Then, the waitress read the specials, I thought the pasta sounded good, so I ordered it. Let me tell you-- it's like I had just announced I was going to run for Mayor of Philadelphia.

"You go girl!"
"Good for you! It's your birthday! You deserve it!"
"If you can't eat pasta on your birthday, when can you?"

At this point, I am utterly confounded. I didn't think pasta was that daring of a lunch choice. And I don't usually talk weight at a lunch meeting. WTF. Well, now that I am 27, I guess I have to learn these things.

(Disclaimer: my coworker was pretty sane throughout and did not really add to the madness.)

Oh where, oh where has my Ash-a-Lie gone?

There's a boat on the ocean
Sailing the South Seas
It has my Ashlie
Bring her back to me, please.

Today is my birthday
But I feel a great rift
Bring back my Ashlie--
She'd be the best gift.

Press kits and presents
Magazines galore...
But without my Ashlie
This office is a bore.

27 is the new 22.

I bit that.


I wish you a year of tapdancing, yellow-purses, pad thai, Red Bull Sugar Free, toes in the sand, good books, well-behaved kittens, adorable nephews, flawless weddings, good friends, and good jeans.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Good for you, Walking Party!

My cousin did an amazing job with the Simultaneous Photography project... he has great images from all over the world, taken at the same time:

(I was a loser and couldn't work my email correctly, since I JUST FINALLY set up my wireless in my apt, so I don't know if my pic will be included.)

My newest fave.

I can't wait till this little lady, Kate Nash, releases an album. But then it'll prob be another year til she comes to the States, wah. (Let's also pretend I'm not old enough to have babysat her.)

Friday, June 01, 2007

From my cousin:
No use for small talk anymore, as the project date is finally on the horizon… I will not have access to the internet again until the morning, so this will be the final reminder. Thanks again to everyone who helped in spreading the word -- your assistance has been very much appreciated.
What? Take a picture of whatever you're doing.

When? Tomorrow at 2:00 PM Eastern Time.*

Why? So you can sit back, put your feet up and say "I was part of a unique and interesting project," that's why.

After you have uploaded (or developed and scanned) your picture, please e-mail it to Be sure to include the location of your shot!

If you have any questions, please visit . **

* If you are not on the East Coast of the US, please click here to find out when your picture should be taken.

** The official website ( ) is currently under construction so that it can be used for the project gallery. I apologize for the confusion.