Thursday, November 30, 2006

* Editor's note to the OTHER blog: Bring it on!

In the words of crazy ass Zell Miller, I challenge the whatthefphilly crew to an 80s pop culture duel. Once again, someone from that blog has come to our blog talking smack. This last comment was to egregious to ignore. So Unpretty readers see below:
"Tone loc said...ben stein from ferris bueller's day off. now ask me something that requires thought."

Well, if it's a challenge you want, here it is! I've selected some questions below that I felt would properly challenge both Unpretty readers & whatthefphilly readers alike. I looked for questions that were relevant to the babies of the group (basically all of the whatthefphilly contributors), & wasn't gender-biased. If you think you have the answers ( without cheating), name a time & a place so that we can see if the questions "required thought", punks :)

Unusual & Flip-Flop: I think this is a potential Office Olympics game:)

1) Who was Mallory Keaton's fiance? ( Clue to the babies - some 80s show called Family Ties)
2) In Family TIes who was Alex P. Keaton's idol?
3) What was the name of the cat in the smurfs?
4) Who was the leader of the good Transformers?
5) What did He-man say when he lifted his sword and gained his strength?
6) What was Michael Jackson advertising when he was nearly killed?
7) What star of the Breakfast Club was also part of the original cast of the facts of life?
8) In Knight Rider, what does K.I.T.T's name stand for?
9) What's the name of the show that had a robot girl?
10) What was her name?
12) On the show Knight Rider, what was the name of K.I.T.T.s evil double?
13) Mork & Mindy was a spinoff of what TV show?
14) What show was Family Matters a spin-off of?
15) What island did Balki from Perfect Strangers come from?
16) Name the children on "Just the Ten of Us"
17) Who was the famous TV painter from the 80s?
18) What show was a spin off of Transformers?
19) Which professional wrestler popped both of John Stossel's ear drums during a 20/20 interview?
20) What was the anme of the tv show with the theme song that began " Believe it or not, I'm walking on air..."?
21) What was the date in 1955 did Marty from Back to the Future arrive on?
22) Name the twins on the Thundercats.
23) What was Rosanna Arquette's character's name in "Desperatly Seeking Susan"?
24) What was the name of the home that Sofia Petrillo lived in before moving in with her daughter on the Golden Girls?
25) What show did the Simpsons first appear?
26) Can you name the 5 original MTV VJ's?
27) On Cheers, what was the name of the bar that always played practical jokes on the gang at Cheers?
28) Why was Wesley from Mr. Belvedere afraid to go to junior high?

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I've said it once & I'll say it again...

... I can't believe parents let their kids play with Bratz, or as I like to call them, those Whore Dolls. When I first saw the collagen-injected lips, streetwalker makeup and ho-bag clothes on dolls for little kids, I was incredulous. But they have become huge! So popular that Barbie make a knock-off... "My Scene" dolls. Barbie's have categories, like the "My Bling Bling" My Scene doll. Vomit.

Why does Abercrombie sell thongs to kids? Why do kids know what Coach bags are? Why can't little girls just be little girls? I don't get it. American marketers are so unpretty.

A little bit-o-Delaware making Philly that much sweeter.

Unusual Suspect... you were right. We did need to break the ice. I was going to post, but stopped halfway feeling silly and shallow. But now that you have been silly first (after such an awesome post about Amy), I feel I can too.

I'm-a just going to say how pleased and excited I am that my all-time favorite coffee shop from D-Ware is heading to the Gayborhood in the Illadelph! Oh, sweet Brew Ha Ha...At swim practice in high-school I used to dream about your O-Noodle Salad (that's "Oriental Noodle") to those of you not in the know. In college, I studied hours on end at the Brew in Newark, drinking cup after cup of Harney & Sons cinnamon tea while reading about ancient Irish literature and always running into Dana & her physics pals. And now... the Brew in Trolley Square is such the place to see all the young Illmingtonians...

Brew Ha Ha, I love you.

I Love You, VH1 !

As the events from Thanksgiving continue to unfurl ( yes, it was a week ago, but someone should tell my in-laws that), I reflect upon my most favorite moment from Thanksgiving 2006.

My favorite memory from this year's Thanksgiving is... watching VH1.

See, I'm a very quiet person. My idea of a good Thanksgiving is sitting around, eating a great meal, & then watching a movie or curling up with a book. Now that I spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws, the eating part is no problem - it's the quiet time that's a problem. Theirs is a very unnecessarily loud household. So, when I was finished eating, I grabbed my Bette Davis biography & headed for the bedroom. However, it's was so noisy that I couldn't even read! In order to drown out the noise in the rest of the house so that I could read, I turned on the tv. At some point, I decided it was a lost cause & decided to go ahead & see what was on the television. Well, that's when it happened. VH1 didn't punk out like some other networks and aired some Charlie Brown Thanksgiving B.S. NOPE! They just happened to be airing The Best 100 Songs of the 80s marathon! I was in heaven! I love 80s music!

VH1 saved the day because they provided me hours of entertainment with cheesy trivia ( who's headband is it?) & songs that I now know the names of so that I can download them from Itunes. On Monday, I checked out their website to get some more cool 80s info & saw that they're casting for the World Series of Pop Culture, my second favorite show on the network. Most of the questions center around the 80s,television, & odd celebrity trivia - all things I know that I would be great on. Three people make up a team. Unfortunately, I don't know anything about sports & boy movies ( Star Wars, etc.), so I need at least 1 guy as another teammate. Plus, I need a cheesy team name.

Who's interested? Anyone, anyone, anyone...... ( Guess what awesome 80s movie that's from:) ?

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Give Me This! (Great Gift Idea #2)

so, we all know how awesome andy warhol was and what he's famous for (just nod your head yes, and google it later).

well, barney's is selling these limited edition cool soup with authentic reproductions of Andy Warhol designed labels. these make for a fun and definitely unique stocking stuffer.

even better-they're wrapped around an actual and ordinary can of campbell's condensed tomato soup. de-lish!

yes, i know they're odd, but they're also really neat and for just $12 you can give someone the gift of pop art. and who doesnt love that? oh...just me? ok...sorry.

thanks to chris for the tip :)

Talk Charlie To Me

so, i'm watching a charlie brown christmas special tonight and i just can't get over how disgustingly cute the voice-overs are for this cartoon. every character's tone and diction screams adorable...well, except for peppermint patty, who even as a child sounds like a bull dyke.

you can tell in the old charlie brown specials that the kids who did the voice-overs were just normal, untrained kids; not the little nazi freaks they put in cartoons these days, who talk like they're reading shakespeare and most likely are divorced from their parents and will end up married and in rehab by age 15.

good grief.

Break the Ice Much?

sorry we've been so quiet the last two days. guess i thoroughly slowed our roll :)

well, game on. bloggers, mount up!


Sunday, November 26, 2006

A Tribute

you won't see this type of thing on such a snarky, but fun-loving blog like "so unpretty" often, but i am a person who believes in giving credit when credit is due.

only a few of us know how "so unpretty" really came to be, and i thought that the time was right to post exactly who this blog is in honor of. (please humor my need to commemorate for just a moment; i promise not to bring everyone down for too long.)

her name was amy and she was many things to me...including my dearest and closest friend. this past thanksgiving day she would have turned 40 years old. even though she only had 39 years of wonderful to give us, the amount of things she taught me i could spend a whole lifetime looking to learn. she was an amazing human being; compassionate, loving, strong and spirited.

she could really work a room too. many of her friends would tell me that when they first met her they would feel two things immediately...they were usually intimidated by her striking beauty and fabulous sense of style, but then after the insecurity would wear off, they were won over by her genuine kindness and openness to making new friends. see, i believe those cheesy stories supermodels always recount on talk shows-you know them...that when they were little, they were ugly ducklings that were isolated from the cool kids and constantly made fun of. that's exactly what had happened to amy. in high school, she was tall and stick-thin..had frizzy, kinky curly black hair, braces, the whole nine yards. she never went to prom, or hung with the cool crowd. those years were hard ones. but once she finished school, she really started to come in to her own.

suddenly, being 5'10" and 130 pounds was more hot than odd. after the braces came off, amy had a smile that could knock a man over where he stood. finally, a hairstylist at a high-end salon in Center City explained to her that she had curly hair (not straight) and convinced her to throw away her hairbrush and taught her how to play her amazing locks up. hard-earned money from a full time job bought her nice clothes that showed off her enviable figure.

...but most importantly, only the outside changed. on the inside, she was the same amy. she never forgot what it had felt like to be teased or worse, ignored. and that's what people cherished most about her.

what did i cherish? her strength. our late-night talks over hot cups of tea. her sneaking me in to clubs when i was only 16. her introducing me to all of her unique and brilliant friends. our shopping sprees and movie nights. so much.

she died on september 30th from brain cancer. the doctors had told her when she was first diagnosed in April 2004 that she had 18 months to live. but, she proved them wrong and fought for nearly two and half years. see, that's when i got to see the fighter in her--the one that had gotten her through the first part of her life that i was not apart of.

i started writing on this blog about eight months ago, when things were really starting to speed down-hill for amy. the name of the blog-which some people swear is from a TLC song (and trust me, i love chasing waterfalls, but alas, its not the source). the title actually comes from an inside joke between amy and me. like i have said, we were very close...and when you are close to someone, you get to see them at times that very few people get to see say for instance, first thing in the morning; before you wash your face, before you brush your teeth and hair, and apply make-up. we joked that while we loved one another very much and wouldnt change a thing about each other, and while we definitely were not ugly, first thing in the morning...we were so unpretty :)

when i told her about the blog, she smiled and nodded. she was very sick by this time, and i'm not sure if she knew what i was talking about...but, part of me realizes now that was not the important part; the important part was that i was able to briefly remind of her of our little, private inside joke.

i love you amy.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

How to (Not) Succeed at Business....

Y''s 1:00 on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and my office is a straight-up tomb. I have been reading USA Today for the past few minutes and while venturing to the Life section, I was pleasantly surprised by a new Orbitz game.

Orbitz travel site has pop-up games that have littered the internet landscape for at least 4 years. I remember my father and I discussing these games when I first starting working here.

Well, the geniuses at Orbitz compiled all of the games into one free website:

Enjoy. I love you, procrastination. You are my best friend.

CityPaper is funny, in a mean but clever way.

Today's cover story in CityPaper was quite enjoyable. It's not all mushy-gushy about Phila, but it's smart.

It's in full here:

Happy Hatesgiving!
In honor of Turkey Day, help yourself to a heaping helping of things we just can't stand about Philly.
by The City Paper Staff
Published: November 21, 2006

Yeah, we know we're supposed to be giving thanks and counting our blessings and rolling around in leftover cranberry sauce like a Wing Bowl contestant in his own slop. Well, after the City Paper staff did all of the above at a meeting last week, we concluded that we're most thankful for our God-given right to bitch and moan about anything and everything that gets under our bog-fruit-stained skin. Of course, every last staffer may not agree on every last entry, but we'd hate it if there weren't a little dissension over here at Second and Chestnut. So, unbuckle that belt and gorge on 130 things that we just can't stand about this town of ours. —Brian Hickey

People who run up the Rocky steps
People who bike and blade down the Rocky steps
People who write books about the Rocky steps
People who, despite taking Kelly Drive into town each morning, still cut us off because they're in the wrong lane in front of the Rocky steps
The classless degenerates who think it's acceptable to spit on the sidewalk
Douchey scenesters who mill about Rittenhouse Square every weekend preening like peacocks
Independence Mall rent-a-cops who preen as if they're on the front lines of freedom defense
Post-concert bouncers at the TLA who preen as if they're on the front lines of freedom defense
The inability to smoke in a taproom. (But, man, is it fun to hear smokers complaining about the rules for a change.)
Brian Tierney's filthy lies
Constant "breaking-news" updates about the hell that Brian Tierney's filthy lies have wrought at the Inquirer and Daily News
Two daily newspapers, one Web site
John Grogan's dead dog
That people still want to free Mumia
That Beanie = celebrity
What Hall did to Oates. (You know what we're talking about, Daryl.)
That the city tells you it will take one year to assess a dead tree on your sidewalk before it can be scheduled for removal, even though someone set it on fire
Getting tickets for putting the trash out too early
The classless degenerates who rip trashbags open and let the contents spill out onto the sidewalk as if we're throwing away gold bullion
Tired homeless scams. How about some new grifts? Or at least some manners, yo.
Jim Belushi touting Philly. Seriously, ditch him and raise Clifton Davis' profile. Got it? Amen.
Do we really need four hours of Barrymore Awards?
Do we really need assigned seats at the Bridge?
Gaper delays
That they'll never be able to fix the delay-spawning traffic pattern where 76 meets 676
When the radio lands on the Big Talker when we're stuck in traffic because of a gaper delay
Or on 610 during evening drive time, so we're stuck listening to Howard Eskin's moronic bullying
The Chinatown bus to New York: We can deal with the diarrhea scent, but not the attitude that they can treat us like cattle because we only paid $20 for a ride.
On second thought, we can't deal with the diarrhea scent.
Loud people on any bus
SEPTA stations that don't sell tokens
SEPTA stations that sell tokens but don't fix the broken token machines
Inaudible SEPTA station agents
Downtown drivers who tell cyclists to use the sidewalk instead of the street
Downtown cyclists who use the sidewalk instead of the street
Storm drains in bike lanes
Bike lanes in car streets
Starting everything, or replacing any "f," with "ph"
Jennaphr Fredrick
The fucking "e" in Olde City, which should be forever excised considering it's actually Old City
The fucking people in Old City on Friday and Saturday nights who should be forever excised considering they're just sooooo douchey
The player, and the game
People who think Liz Spikol works at City Paper. Because she totally doesn't. Believe us, we'd know.
The rotting produce for sale in the Italian Market
Soft hoagie rolls that bend like elastic
Californians who ask where they can get a good burrito. The answer, Spicoli, is nowhere.
That our City Council will consider banning foie gras while Cheez Wiz keeps flowing like sewage
That our City Council has given a proclamation to a sandwich
Chris Wheeler
Chris Webber
That there isn't a Weber's Root Beer drive-in closer than Cherry Hill
Cherry Hill, for turning Garden State Park into a fucking strip mall with condos
Anybody who has, had, or intends to have Benergy
The first person to suggest changing the name of 30th Street Station to Ben Station out loud
Oh, what the hell: Ben Franklin
Steven Singer
Every last thing about Philadelphia International Airport
Every last thing about the casinos that are coming to town except the fact that we'll be able to gamble in them, like, right around the corner from our house so we won't have to worry about hiding $5.50 for tolls
That the Market-Frankford line has no stops between 15th and 30th streets
That every new house in Center City has a garage and a friggin' curb cut
Zoning laws that let developers throw up flimsy houses with fake-brick fronts in historic neighborhoods
That the more water you use, the less the Philadelphia Water Department charges you per cubic foot
Bowling with a dress code
CSX, for still leaving trains full of trash next to Schuylkill River Park
Our lack of benches
Parking in Fairmount after 7 p.m. any night of the week
Driving past a designated Philly Car Share on-street parking spot when we can't find a spot to call our own
That when you leave a jacket in your car in Fairmount overnight, you're guaranteed to have to step over a pile of shattered glass in the morning
That you actuallyhave to go to the Parking Authority to get a parking pass, like we're in some Third World country
The cars that park illegally in our hard-earned, free, conveniently located press spots, forcing us to go to the Parking Authority to fight the tickets we get after we park halfway up the block and they ignore the press sticker in the back window even though there's a note on the front window telling them to look there, but they're so fucking stupid, they never looked there
That the Parking Authority is the most efficient department in the city
That I-95 still isn't underground
The bully elephants who made Dulary cry
That we love the elephants so much that it's only right to set them free
That the guy at our favorite bagel shop is practically sweating blow while making our breakfast
How you'd think there were no Jews in this town considering how hard it is to get your hands on a decent bagel
How, with so many friggin' Italians around, we still can't find great pizza. Seriously, do it for Sicily or something.
The sorry state of the mob
Uruk-Hai, and the Flyers' penchant for signing them to long-term deals
We know what an iPod on shuffle sounds like, Mr. Peterman, and neither you nor your BEN FM provide the same experience. So go back to the Himalayas or something.
The woman on Eighth Street who doesn't clean up after her dog
That people won't fix their pit bulls
That people won't fix their kids
That It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia has never gotten an Emmy
That it's not always sunny in Philadelphia
That we got Hack, but Baltimore got The Wire
And that Baltimore politicians came to Philly and exploited our homeless
Mislabeled Regional Rail trains
That SEPTA must have robots somewhere, but doesn't use them right and by the time they do, it'll be too hard to control them since they'll have developed minds, and emotions, of their own
The absurdity of still operating the Ridge Spur
And not being able to make a left turn off Market
That people in Pittsburgh —what would you even call them, Pittsburgers? — think we know they exist
Tom Knudsen's hairless cat, death-ray turret and cold, black heart
Those among us who don't appreciate Milton Street as a beacon of civic pride
The dirty rats who brought Rick Mariano down
People who don't realize that Jimmy Tayoun's Public Recordis a bastion of legitimate journalism
That the outdoor Rizzo Rink has been left in such squalid conditions when it could be, like, a legitimate recreational draw
These cans
What those dirtbags at Villanova tried to do to the Big Five
The incessant rehashing of us having thrown snowballs at Santa
The incessant, misplaced condemnation of the fact that we cheered the end of Michael Irvin's career. Because we did. And we're proud of it to this day.
That the mayoral race will be a racial race. Like how every mayoral race becomes a racial race.
That Frank Keel and Sam Katz haven't gotten in a fistfight. 'Cause we'd watch.
That the revolution will not be televised. 'Cause we'd watch.
The ubiquitousness of Terry Fucking Madonna.
What Oates did to Hall. (You know what we're talking about, John.)
The fuckin' burbs
New Jersey
Jersey bashers
The Haddonfield Bulldogs
The fact that there aren't nearly enough ferries running back to the big city after shows at the Tweeter Center. Not to mention how they cut them off too soon.
Dear LCB, can you please let us buy beer and wine in the same store?
And let us drink after 2 a.m.?
The weed drought before every election
Scott Rolen
Peter Forsberg's mutant ankle
Jeffrey Lurie's smarminess
Dallas Cowboys fans who were born and raised in the Delaware Valley
People from Philly who say the Eagles are their second favorite team. (Hickey: Unless they're sporting the orange and blue of the mighty Denver Broncos.)
That it's been 23 years since we had a championship parade
And our lone champion, Bernard Hopkins, ain't fightin' no more. Except with that Eskin douchebag.
Hip Hop, the Sixers mascot. Seriously, a rabbit? Why on earth would you pick a fucking rabbit? We'd even accept some colonial looking dude with a musket. But not a rabbit.
Real estate agents with soft, slimy handshakes
Port Fishington. GradHo. And the people who call their homes by such contrived names.
That Bob Casey is our hero
That we live in a country where Rick Santorum could actually make a run at the presidency
And, finally, yo mama.
© Philadelphia City Paper

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Dove Real Beauty Workshop for Girls

ALG, thanks for sending. this makes me feel better about the horror that is me first thing in the morning, when I look like a corpse. She wasn't bad looking to start with.
Hey Ya, Charlie Brown!

via Philebrity

Latest Celebrity Trend: Racist, Expletive Rants Caught on Tape

Well, it's only been a few months since Mel Gibson was caught by on tape cursing & spewing ignorance at LAPD while "drunk driving". Mel's excuse at the time was that he was drunk & didn't mean any harm in his anti-Semitic, misogynist rant. He quickly darted off to rehab because, you see, alcohol seems to bring out the racist in all of us. Thoughts that we would never verbalize when we're sober. It wasn't until his public embarrasment that he realized that he's an alcoholic.

Just over the weekend another celeb has found himself embroiled in a similar debacle. After the pixie dust has settled after Tom & Katie's wedding, news & video broke of Michael Richards ( a.k.a Kramer) flipping out on a few African American hecklers at a comedy club in LA. Once again, was able to supply the video. In addition to being an idiot, Richards proved that he isn't funny because he lacks what every comedian needs: timing. Michael Richard's stand up meltdown occurred the weekend prior to a Season 7 Seinfeld dvd being released. I am a huge Seinfeld fan. This weekend, when I saw the commercials, I was thinking about buying the dvd even though I could probably catch about 3 or 4 episodes on any given night between Fox & TBS. Even with this knowledge, I feel that I need to own the dvd for the episodes that they don't air when I want to watch them. However, this incident has tainted the way I view the show and Jerry Seinfeld.

Last night, Jerry Seinfeld started doing the rounds on various shows to promote the latest dvd. While he just happened to be on the Dave Letterman show, Michael Richards coincidentally enough was live via satellite to apologize. He said that he's not racist & he just lost it. Jerry came to Michael's defense & said that the whole incident was a "mistake". Which begs the question, which part is a "mistake"? Showing one's true colors & it was caught on tape or the statements? In this instance, poor Michael doesn't have alcohol to blame his previously unbeknownst to him racist side on.

Whatever the vice is...Anger, Alcohol...that brings out someone's true personality... Ignorance... is So Unpretty.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I Need a Hero

does anyone watch "Heroes"?

i do and i don't (more don't then do). one thing i can't stop hearing in commercial after commercial for the NBC show is "save the cheerleader, save the world". and now it's stuck in my psyche...much like the Sally Field line in Steel Magnolias: "drink the juice, Shelby, drink the juice!"

but, back to the point..."save the cheerleader, save the world" just cracks me up for some reason. shouldnt it be "kill the cheerleader, save the world"?

Give Me This! (Great X-Mas Gift Idea #1)

amy sedaris is one of the funniest women alive and this book is a riot. she is the freaky genius behind Comedy Central's "Strangers With Candy", which also is being made into a movie.

this book is by no means your conventional guide to's a sample recipe:

Paul’s Zucchini Fritters

"I don’t use a measuring cup when I make Zucchini fritters although I probably should. I suppose I like the crap-shoot quality of cooking without specific measurements. It’s exciting. Although, there is some safe ground, because whenever a recipe calls for breading and then frying in olive oil, it’s hard to go wrong. Here is basically what you're going to need:

One zucchini
Garlic, sliced
1 onion, chopped
One-quarter pound of feta cheese
1-3 eggs
More flour than you think you'd ever use
Salt and pepper
A little parsley, chopped

The first step is to grate the zucchini, and then place in a strainer. It’s important to get as much water out of the shredded vegetable as possible. It helps to salt it and then place a heavy lid on top it and press down. When you think you’ve got all the water out keep pressing, because I can tell you, you haven’t. Meanwhile, in another bowl mix flower, egg, or eggs, salt and pepper, a onion, chopped and garlic. Your goal here is make a light batter. Add more flower if it seems watery, or another egg if it’s not binding. Place the drained zucchini into the batter and mix with your hands. You are really going to have to get in there. Coat the bottom of a frying pan in olive oil. Heat it up. For best results, make sure your pan is good and hot before adding fritters. Scoop a fist full of mixture from the bowl and shape into a small patty and place in skillet. Makes about 20 to 40 fritters. No one can really say for sure."

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Boneless Wonder

i absolutely love boneless buffalo wings from applebees. but, this past friday night, as i ate them, i had one of those moments where you acknowledge to yourself that you really arent sure what it is exactly that you're consuming. (scrapple eaters NEVER have these moments, because if they did, they would likely cut their tongues off).

anyway, i had that moment and now, i need to know.

a. where does the meat come from
b. is it really a de-boned buffalo wing
c. what is the inch-think gushy stuff piled around the meat

until i find satisfactory answers to all three of these questions, i'm afraid i'm gonna have to do without...but wait, who am i kidding? in two weeks i'll forget why i'm boycotting them and just say fuck it and dive in.

Kevin "Just Call Me Shakespeare" Federline does it again

oh, Kevy, Kevy, Kevy. Tagging a shower door with this affectionate little haiku really says "class"'re right up there with George Clooney and Cary Grant, man.

now, Bitch, give him his kids!

Friday, November 17, 2006

This weekend: Do Not Turn on the Television

Well, we're less than 24 hours away from the Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes wedding. This much hyped & anticipated by only entertainment news shows wedding will be Tom's 3rd, Katie's 1 1/2.

We've already heard in painstaking detail the guest list ( interesting, of all the A-list guests, did anyone hear whether or not Katie's parents were invited?) & Katie's new lingerie trousseau(ick).

So, since this is the last weekend before Thanksgiving & traditionally a slow news weekend, expect every news outlet to be fawning over the details of Tom & Katie's wedding in Italy. I feel awful that a beautiful country is being defiled by these idiots whose divorce proceedings are going to last longer than the marriage, but I'm happy that at least it's not happening at home.

Also, I won't have to spend my Thanksgiving depressed like I did last year when news broke that Nick & Jessica broke up. I know, I'm way too obsessed...

Tom & Katie... So Unpretty

Thursday, November 16, 2006

And in other cat (?) news...

... I'm completely freaked out. I know Hybrids are popular, but this?

Here I am.

My name is Ruby. I am ten weeks old and I just got adopted last night by a kick-ass new mom, Beanorama. My old mom was a full-bred Persian, but she was a little bit slutty and did it with my absentee Dad. So, I’m a sweet, long-haired half breed Persian and I am all black and so soft. I smell a-some too.

Can you believe it—I am already litter-trained! (But at 6 a.m. this morning I stepped in my poop, then climbed into bed with my new Mom, causing her to pull off the sheets and scour the floor with cleanser—oops. Oh well, I am just a baby. I’ll learn.)

I just wanted to say hi. I’m looking forward to exploring my huge new studio apartment and breaking stuff.

PS: I’m much cuter than I appear in pictures.
Stephen Colbert, George W Bush's Words

OK, Blue States, let's go.

Thanks to Smedelicious:

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The If Game

O.J. Simpson will stun the nation once again. This time he left his white Bronco and snug gloves at home. In his infinite public relations wisdom, he decided to write a book called “If I Did It.” Yes, it is what you think. He will detail how he would have killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman…if he had done it. I guess he figures it is ok to flirt with the fantasy of the crime as long as he maintains his innocence. His book will be preceded by a two-part special on Fox entitled – deep breath – “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened.” I don’t think there is anything I can write that will top that.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Oh, Gov...We Love Ya' Even Though Your Son is So Unpretty

The price of victory.

By Angela Couloumbis
Inquirer Staff Writer

Gov. Rendell's landslide victory over Republican Lynn Swann on Tuesday could end up costing him thousands of dollars - literally.

The governor admitted yesterday that in a moment of weakness in February, he made a bet with his 26-year-old son, Jesse, while they were at the Philadelphia International Auto Show. Jesse Rendell said his father would win the election with more than 60 percent of the vote. Gov. Rendell said no way.

In front of them was "this beautiful teal Aston Martin convertible," Rendell said, so he took a gamble: if his son were right, he'd buy him the sleek British sports car.

Yesterday afternoon, with 99 percent of precincts reporting, the governor had 2,414,541 votes - or 60 percent.


A 2006 Aston Martin V8 Vantage sports car retails at $110,000, according to the automotive Web site

Rendell said yesterday that he would somehow have to make good on his promise - although he joked that he never said what year Aston he'd buy.

His wife, Midge - U.S. Third Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Marjorie O.
Rendell - is currently negotiating a compromise.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Maneater-Nelly furtado

ok, i love this song. it definitely replaced JT's Sexy Back in my fickle heart. however, the opening of the music video for this song is so fucking weird its hysterical.

whoever pitched the plot for this video to nelly had to be a friggin moron. and she must be one as well for saying "yeah, sure. let's open it with me searching for my dog, Toby." because that makes the most sense for song titled "Maneater".

I Love Ya, Rach, But Geez...

ok, so i used to love rachel ray. like, loved her before oprah; loved her before all of her 15,000 cookbooks were published; loved her before she became the face of such brands like Ritz Crackers, yada yada yada. mostly, i loved her goofy banter, old fashioned kitchen appliances and her nonchalant way of convincing even retards like myself that it was possible to cook a whole meal in 30 minutes.

but, i have fallen off the rachel wagon. it's been awhile since i tuned in. mostly because i was sorta over her (overexposure rearing its ugly head, i guess).

however, i did happen to catch tonight's episode and i must say, she still has the ability to amaze me. she cooked an entire thanksgiving meal for eight in 60 minutes. how is this woman human? i think maybe she's not. or maybe its drugs...yeah, more likely drugs. she once admitted in an interview that she sleeps only four hours a night. apparently, she loves E.V.O.O.(extra virgin olive oil) as well as methamphetamines.


Not only has my landlord (Green Street Properties) wasted 5 days ignoring my 5 phone calls and emails about the crack in my balcony door and the bigger-than-a-mouse animal running around in my ceiling... but I also got big-timed splashed by a Septa bus this morning. Dirty rain water soaked my wool skirt and literally pooled in the feet of my knee-high boots. It was like a scene from a movie, but no one is paying me $1,250 a word (like Jessica Simpson got for Employee of the Month).

So unpretty.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

lucky louie intro poppy the pussycat

the first time i saw this, i think i pulled my small intestine, i laughed so hard.

please watch. i promise, it will make you want to download the song.

Next "Surreal Life" Cast Predictions

after thinking about it for, oh, three seconds, i compiled a list of pathetic celebra-losers that should be on the next season of VH1's "Surreal Life".

envelope please...and the losers are:

Fed-Ex, the asshole formerly known as K-Fed.

The guy that claimed to be Anna Nicole Smith's 2nd Baby Daddy.

Bobby-Christina Brown. With guest appearances by Whitney and Bobby.

Kane from Project Runway Season 3. Or even wack-job Vincent would do if Kane was unavailable.

Nazi Republican, Elisabeth Hasselback from The View.

Howie Mandell. And three of the dumbest suitcase girls.

Isaac Miz-AH-rahi.

Lisa Loeb. Without her guitar.

BONUS PREDICTION: Fed-Ex will hook up with Lisa Loeb in the first episode, but by the season finale, ends up with Kane from Project Runway.

Seriously, why?

ok, question.

why the hell does a hot dog take only 20 seconds to cook in a microwave?

seriously, i think it may the fastest thing you can cook in a micro. i don't know of anything else (that's edible) that you could cook in less than thirty seconds besides a delicious, nutritious (yes, i'm in denial but to be fair, i only eat kosher dogs) hot dog? even melting a stick of butter takes longer.

p.s. i love melted butter. and the picture for this post; not even certain thats a microwave but w.t.f., right?

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Jeans, Jeans, Good For Your Heart

Ahhhh...Ooooh yeah...Uh-huuuuh....

sorry, i'm being very unpretty, but i don't care.

see, it can be explained: today i got a pair of Seven jeans and i am in ecstasy. i've never had jeans this nice before and it will take me awhile to get over myself and how good my ass looks in them.

special shout out to owner of Charlie's Jeans, Sebastian, who helped make this obnoxious self-love are a god. you never even asked me my size. you just knew. you made this tall girl very happy for once because unlike many of your other vertically challenged customers, i need not take you up on your alteration services.

Hand me my Depends, please.

Last night, I went with Notorious ALG and Unusual Suspect to a concert. We were yelled at by three parking attendents on three seperate occasions, yelled at by the bouncer outside and the bouncer inside, and were felt up by a security guard. (We enjoyed that though.) We semi-appreciated the John Mayer-wannabe opening act, and were blown away by the out-of-control beatboxing by the next act. But then the beatboxer started singing some beatbox/metal/emo songs and lost us. Plus, his name was Kid Beyond, I kid (beyond) you not, so we clearly couldn't take him seriously after that.

Finally, the lady we were there to see came on: Imogen Heap. All I knew of this lady was that she sang the electronica-sounding song at the end of the season of the OC when Marissa killed Ryan's bro. Well, in real life, her other songs were... interesting. Some wailing, some electonics were involved. And then... halfway through the $33 concert, ALG turns to me and said "Are you ASLEEP!?" She turns to Unusual Suspect: "Are you asleep TOO?" Alas, we were. We passed out sitting straight up in the midst of electronica and wailing. We dragged our old bones out of there before we even got to hear the OC song.

Imogen Heap? OK, if you like that sort of thing. Falling asleep like an old lady at the ripe old age of 26? So unpretty.

Friday, November 10, 2006

The inspiration behind Borat uncovered

...and very unpretty; but still, AMAZINGLY FUNNY

this website was live as of 1999 and this guy is real. he is supposedly suing the producers of Borat, the movie for identity theft.
Ursula 1000 's Boop performed by Dames A Flame

Um, not sure what is going on in this video. but, a nice distraction it definitely is.

Thanks to Jim for sharing this unpretty distraction.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

The Brie Cheese Stands Alone

so, i saw Marie Antoinette last night and i am still swooning.

the music...the costumes...the cinematography...the acting...tre magnific!

the movie in five words: two hours of eye candy.

but alas, only me and the Bean loved it so. the other people we were with chose to relate to the angry french mob in the flick and hated it. they cursed. they swore. they said things like, "i want my money back" and "is that it?!"

but me and the Bean just looked at each other and smiled. we both knew and we both got it. and sidebar: sophia coppola rocks the hiz-ow. fuck the mob.

in conclusion, i will quote techno musical group, the chemical brothers and say, "I guess they didnt know..."

Ugly Betty, Tyra, Willa & Vanessa: When Pretty People Act Stupid

Who knew that fat suits were making a comeback among the pretty & thin in Hollywood? Recently, I've noticed this trend slumping its way back into pop culture. I thought it was over after the movie Shallow Hal came out. You remember - just how did they get Gywneth Paltrow to look fat? Who's the real fat chick? What's it like to be that fat & unattractive? Fortunately, Gwyneth Paltrow's movie flopped, she moved her skinny ass to England and popped out a few kids that gave her cellulite. That experience made her develop a social conscience & helped her to start thinking that she was above Americans. And the trend went away.

Well, with the popularity of ABC's breakout hit, Ugly Betty, this very serious issue has come to the forefront for Americans to deal with: conduct a "social experiment" by having the beautiful people walk around in fat suits! Let's get them to walk around in a fat suit so they (and America) can see what it's like to be experience the only acceptable form of prejudice left - openly critizing fat people. I guess from the outset it sounds like a good idea - get people to think twice before judging a book by its cover, blah, blah, blah... So, my problem isn't with the premise per se, it's with the execution.

Instead of just getting a regular person dressed in a fat suit, they go out of their way to get some traditionally beautiful person to don a fat suit & clothes that NO ONE ( fat, unattractive, nerdy, lacking any fashion sense, glasses-wearing, bad skin having, no sex having, social misfit, wallflower, crazy person, homeless person, serial killer or otherwise) would EVER wear! Let alone pair all the aspects of a hideous outfit together for a complete ensemble. All of the women that participate in this 'experiment' resemble both the looks & social ineptness of the Pat character from SNL.

I think it started with the Tyra Banks show. Last Spring, Tyra performed the "unthinkable" by donning a fat suit for a few hours, getting uglied up and walking around town to see what both men & women's reactions were. So, she proceeds to get done up in the ugliest outfit the world has ever seen. Tyra rolls the footage to her audience. Both men & women treat her badly. She gets indignant & angry at possible suitors. She rips off the fat mask to reveal her glam self to surprised men. Her audience swoons with sympathy. The camera cuts to Tyra. Tyra's literally sandwiched between two big mamas. I worry that Tyra may have fallen through the sofa cushions. Then, the truly unthinkable. F------ Tyra is being COMFORTED by the 'real' ugly & obese! Like, " there, there skinny one. It's a good thing that you don't have to go through your entire life looking like us. It's good that you only have to do this for a few hours with a camera crew." Ugh.

You'd think & hope that the insanity would have ended there, but it gets worse.

Recently, The Insider/Entertainment Tonight thought that it would be great to have Vanessa Minnillo (Nick Lachay's gf) dress up too. Vanessa, frequently the subject of paparazzi photogs, got made up in her two-tone wig, fat suit, hideous & huge clothes and took to the streets of NYC. While watching the story, I didn't know whether to be insulted or laugh at a nervous & shaky Vanessa getting prepped. Vanessa asked what size the denim skirt was that she was going to be subjected to wear - wait for it - a whopping, fat size 12! While trolling the streets of NYC, poor Nick Lachay's girl got the shock of her life & experienced (gasp!) discrimination. She stood crying into the camera. Sadly wiping away tears with her well-manicured nails.

At the same time, the entertainment news show Extra decided to take Willa Ford, a Playboy model & Dancing with the Stars nobody & do the same to her. They had Pretty Willa & Ugly Willa. To get Ugly Willa's look just right, they added pimples, thick glasses, crappy, messy hair, a hideous outfit & an aura of no self respect. Ugly Willa stumbled & fumbled her way through the day. Pretty Willa walked into a room & had men wrapped around her finger within seconds of entering the room. Willa was upset & horrified over the difference in treatment she experienced from people based on her appearance.

She asks the camera in a tone of righteous indignation "Don't these people know that I was in Playboy? Grrr..."

At that instant, my mind flashed back to a scene where Ugly Willa is bending over in the street hopelessly fumbling about. All I could think of was - well Willa, maybe they would have recognized you if you were bent over that way ... and had no clothes on.

Pretty people pretending to be Unpretty ....So Unpretty.

I am just as bad as he.

I feel awful even posting this, because I am just going to be mean, so I will just let this speak for itself.

Karma's a bitch when your kids have to pay, huh Ricky-Dicky?


I became a homeowner in February and the joy of homeownership has yet to cease. A new roof, new hardwood flooring, downed wires, painting the porch, and the latest - a broken heater - continue to keep me entertained and thankful that half of my pay check goes to Wells Fargo. Oops, a little too early for cynicism? Sincere apologies.

Even though I had a change of address that needed to be processed and my license expired on my birthday, I procrastinated getting a new driver's license until last evening. Ah, the DMV. It's a toss-up between whether I love the DMV or the dentist more. So in the pouring rain and amid disastrous hunger pains, my sister, my dear friend Sam, and I made the trek past the strip clubs and industrial headquarters of the First State and waited for a mere 15 minutes until our numbers were called. Kudos to Silent Observer for commending the DMV on their newfound efficency.

All of my information was accepted without a hitch and the woman asked me to wait in line for a new photo. Although I resembled a drowned rat, I looked into the camera and gave the man a winning smile.

"Oooh," the photographer says.
"What?" I ask.
"Come look at this. Do you like it?" he huffs.

I admit, I was not 100% pleased with the photo, but I thought it was acceptable as drivers license pictures go.

"Yeah, it's fine," I say.
"I don't think so. Let's take it again," he insists.

Imagine my shock and awe at this role reversal. Usually the driver is the one complaining to the photog about their mug, but instead, it was the photog telling me I was heinous. The picture is bad. I look like I am in serious need of a tan. But I don't do that anymore.

I need a can of soda. That's right, I said a can.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Word of the Day is: Schadenfreude - meaning: taking pleasure or satisfaction from someone else's misfortune

This morning, as I was getting ready for work & thinking about the two newsworthy events that have taken place over the 24 hours, it occurred to me that this was the perfect word to describe how I'm feeling today. Yes, it may be a dark, wet & dreary day; but, I'm basking in the glow of schadenfreude as if it's my own personal ray of sunshine.

Why? Well, for the same reasons that Beanorama & Unusual Suspect have already written about today. And, yes, I realize that being both happy & elated over politics and pop culture is a bit incongrous (but don't those two topics overlap anyway?).

Schadenfreude - taking pleasure in the fact that Dems are finally back in control. At least until the Prez takes to the mic at his press conference and declares a recount.

Schadenfreude - Deriving satisfaction of being able to say "Gee, how's it feel to have the shoe on the other foot? You want a recount? No!" to losers who are walking around with their tails between their legs & making their concession speeches.

Schadenfreude- Laughing my ass off that Britney Spears has said "Auf wiedersehen!" to the worthless, good-for-nothing but-babies K-Fed.

Which brings me to my 2nd word of the day: Auf wiedersehen - meaning: goodbye. Source: Heidi Klum, Project Runway.

As in:

Auf wiedersehen, Kevin! Hope you saved your allowance from Britney & trade in your Ferrari. Early reports are saying that you'll have to pay your own legal bills. Bon chance!

Auf wiedersehen, Republicans! Things are about to change for the better.

Yep, I think that I'll be basking in this schadenfreude for as long as possible. Who knows when I'll feel this way again. In the political arena, this feeling may be stomped out by a simple press conference. If I look to pop culture, I may not feel this way until Angelina drops Brad's sorry, emasculated, well-toned ass (comments, Unusual?).

And Today In News That Should Not Shock You...

Mr. & Mrs. K-Fed have called it quitsies. i think i speak for most human beings with a brain when i say that i am not shocked at all. just one thing has me scratching my head...

most expected and welcomed break up of 2006?
a) The Brown-Houstons
b) The Phillipe-Witherspoons
c) The Federline-Spears
d) The Republican-Americans

Who rocks the House?

The Democrats rock the House.
And when the Democrats rock the House
they rock it all the way down.

(Let's just hope they rock the Senate too.)

Boo ya. My faith in America is restored after 2004, when we voted Bush in again. Again!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

CERRONE - Give Me Love

Stressed? Fatigued? Fed up? Watch this, and I promise you will find your groove.
Love, Me
P.S. Thanks to Jim for the great find!

'Tis Better To Give Then Receive...But, A Chili Cheez Dawg?

ever get pure joy and satisfaction out of forcing a friend to try something new? i don't know if its because i'm borderline capricorn/aquarius, but i get off on it.

it can be anything...a good book, a new song, a great store. it just makes me so happy to share and recommend things to people. without analyzing myself, i just chalk it up to good heartedness (and by good heartedness, i mean egomania).

so, i know i do it all the time and today is no different. today i bought Beanorama her FIRST chili cheez dawg. needless to say, i indulged in a little dawg action too (is the way i'm spelling dog bothering you yet, because it's starting to bother me too).

we ate them together, like two flaxen-haired, little angel children, gitty and giggling about how gross and delicious it all was. cheese wiz and beans were everywhere and it was amazing. Beanorama agreed, she certainly loves chili cheez dawgs now.

and i am now content. i have convinced someone to love something i love. this little flaxen-haired angel can now triumphantly move on with her day (all the while burping up beans much to popsie's dismay). so unpretty.
Faith Hill Poor Loser at CMA

As my office-mate says, "a great four seconds of film." Faith Hill is pissed. You know what I want to tell her? To let Jesus take the wheel, Faith. Let 'em take it.

I love the die hard fan that wrote this on YouTube: "Obviously those of you that are posting negative about this do NOT know Faith... C'mon people Faith just wouldn't do that to Carrie."

Either that's Faith's publicist or a blinded-by-love fan.

Monday, November 06, 2006

November: National Coming Out of the Closet to People magazine month

As some So Unpretty readers know, I have an unhealthy obsession with celeb gossip & news. Well, during my daily perusal of my favorite gossip website - eonline (THE best source for breaking celeb news, btw) I discovered that Neil Patrick Harris ( a.k.a Doogie Howser) came out of the closet on Friday! Neil revealed his sexuality in an interview with People magazine, just 2 days after his publicist denied that he's gay (duh). Unlike Lance Bass, I truly have to admit that I'm surprised. His convincing role as a womanizer on How I Met Your Mother is the only reason to watch the damn show. Eonline also pointed out that Neil is the 3rd person in recent months to admit to People magazine that they're gay ( The previous two being Lance Bass & some guy from Grey's Anatomy). As I said before, Lance Bass - no brainer. Dude from Grey's Anatomy - I think fellow castmate Isiah Washington "outed" him in a reportedly disgraceful, expletive filled on set fight.
I'm kind of surprised that it's Tuesday & there as yet to be a huge celeb media reaction.

Is that because: a) We're finally at a point as human beings where if you're a somewhat celeb (or a regular person), your sexuality is no longer headline making news?
b) This is election week - so there's been more important news to cover?
c) Good 'ol Doogie Howser just isn't newsworthy? Now, if he were Oprah, that would be a totally different story....

I guess my point is this, if you're a C or D list celeb, People magazine is obviously the magazine to conduct your exclusive sit down interview with to come "out".

And, I hope that one day option 'a' will be a reality.

Septa, you is funny.

I totally don't get it. Today I got a letter at work from Septa, addressed to-- I kid you not -- Supreme Bean.

What the Eff?

And the letter inside was really weird too, with pseudo-Septa letterlead and an email address with a comcast url.

Don't Forget to Vote! ( Except if you're Republican or a Steelers fan; if you're a Republican or a Steelers fan - go shoot yourself)

. Well, we're less than 24 hours away from Election day. Pretty soon, it'll all be over - political commercials with guys that have bad Republican hairstyles, pictures of Lois Murphy gesturing to her nether regions asking "What's going on Down There?"& Patrick Murphy's unexperienced, boyish good looks, audio of Casey Jr. inaudibly agreeing to pass legislation that would make it legal to eat kittens & puppies, & Lynn Swann walking around Montgomery County as though he has a snowball's chance in hell of winning.

So, here's just a reminder to vote. Vote to get Democrats some control back in our government. Vote to prove that as Americans, we may be dumb, but we're not so dumb that we're falling for this last minute "November surprise" with a guilty verdict of Saddam Hussein that came in just in time with a not-so-subtle reminder that we have a Texan to thank for our security. Vote to prove that even though Sen. Kerry may have committed a political gaffe that just wasn't funny, that in no way a bad joke distracts us from the real issues. Vote to prove to fat, bloated punks like Rush Limbaugh that it's not OK to make fun of people with Parkinson's Disease ( No, d---, he's not faking it).

P.S. - don't forget to rent something so that you don't have to watch hours of Election Day coverage. Hell, even tonight NBC was providing down to the wire coverage instead of my beloved Access Hollywood. I will be celebrating Election Day by watching Nacho Libre.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Jingle Ball, Jinge Ball, Jingle Ball Dork

i have a confession to make. i want to go to Q 102's Jingle Ball 2006. go 'head...JUDGE.

but whatever, i don't care. i'm sorry i love music; even the kind that is so corny, it has those little fake corn on the cob holders sticking out of it.

but what's worse is those who JUDGE, are trying to convince me that i will be the oldest person there and everyone will laugh at me. yeah, i check off the box of 25-30 these days. people are warning me that this concert's average age range is probably 13.

is this true? could it be? both good questions. but here's the third and most important: do i care?

do i care enough to not go? if you cut me, do i not bleed? if you yell at me, will i not cry? if there's a shoe sale at nine west, will i not buy?

sorry, but i don't think i should have to miss out on a line-up that includes The Fray, The Pussycat Dolls, Rhianna, Nelly Furtado and Nick Lachey just because i'm an adult.

who's with me here? who wants to stand up with me and say "fuck you" to the man by going to Jingle Ball 2006 on Dec 13? who wants to dance and sing and buy beer for minors?

...anyone? no? ok...thanks.

Let Them Eat Cake...and Popcorn

i am literally chomping at the bit to go see Sophia Coppola's newest cinematic masterpiece, Marie Antoinette (past ones being The Virgin Suicides, Lost in Translation).

and i must admit i have a 2nd degree crush on the ill-fated Queen, portrayed by Ms. Kirsten Dunst (its 2nd degree just because of her past association with the lovely, intoxicating and scrumptious Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal).

if the full length film is half as beautiful and enticing as the previews, this is sure to be my favorite movie of 2006. the story, the actors, the soundtrack, the set and costume design has me more excited than a 50% off sale at Loehmann's.

i plan to see the flick this week and will be sure to report back. God save the Queen!

An End to Pimp Costumes

would anyone care and back me up on this? i call for a ban on pimp costumes at Halloween, or any time of the year for that matter.

it was funny ten years ago, for like a second. and now, every time i see some jock in pimp gear, i just want to scream. the psychological profile for those who choose to "pimp it out":

a wannabe ladies' man...insecure little boy inside...secretly intimidated by a real woman...thinks he's the funniest person he knows.

ok, i might have gone a little far, but i guess i could just say it plain and simple: he's a dumbass.

pimp unpretty.

p.s. there is one pimp that i met this weekend who is not a dumbass. he's actually a really nice guy.
see, i have a heart.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Adventures in High Rise Apartment Living, Part II: Sweaty Old Man Balls

Ok, so in addition to Smelly Chick, I have another "gym grievance". There's a disgusting old man ( not really old, probably in his 60s. Just old enough to make me feel like an ageist); that works out in the fitness center at the same time as me, Smelly Chick and Crazy Girl that Sings Out Loud to Herself ( I know, I'm running out of nicknames for these social misfits).

What does he do that pisses me off? Well, first of all, every time I go to the gym on a day when I don't feel like exerting myself ( which is most of the time), this Sweaty Old Man Balls already has his ass parked on the 1 stationary bike that our gym has. Which means, I have to actually work up a sweat on the treadmill or elliptical. So, in addition to this old man slowly pedaling away on the bike, he has this stupid dull look in his eyes that's just aggravating as hell. His gym uniform consists of too short khaki shorts and a button down shirt ( WTF?). With every pedal, I have to watch his shorts inch up perilously close to his "coin purse".

But the really aggravating trait that earns him his nickname is that he NEVER wipes down the bike or any other machine that he touches. The first few times that it happened, I assumed that maybe he just overlooked it. But, after seeing this several times, I decided that this pig just has absolutely no gym etiquette. So, when he's done working out, he wipes his sweaty forehead on the sleeve of his shirt and moves onto the next machine. I'm a slight germaphobe, so all I can think of is his creepy germs on the seat of the bike . One time, I looked pointedly at him as I cleaned off the bike before using it. He just looked back at me with the same dumb look. Jerk.

Sweaty Old Man Balls + No gym etiquette = So Unpretty.

Rich girl, poor girl.

Here's a fun little internet tool (via Daily Candy) that will make you feel great, and then awful:

Global Rich List

Plug in your salary. Expect, like I did, to have all your bitching and moaning vindicated. Then realize, we live in America and we are wealthy and spoiled and fortunate and I have not gone hungry, seriously hungry, and I should stop my bitching and moaning.

I am the weakest link, goodbye.