Thursday, September 27, 2007

What doesn't this guy endorse?

Last night, I saw Ty Pennington on a commercial endorsing yet another product - Bayer aspirin. I've never been a fan of Extreme Makeover Home Edition so I wasn't amused when he started showing up on Sears commercials with a mega-phone yelling into people's faces. At least he has an excuse for that, though. I learned through his sponsorship of Aderall (?) that he has ADHD. That sponsorship was followed by his Alltel commercials. I just wish that he would sponsor a product that I know he uses - a nice bottle of some Jameson.

My Concert Ticket Wish List

There's some good concerts coming to town over the next few weeks & if anyone feels like buying me a three month early b-day present, I'd appreciate it:)

1. Tori Amos on 10/15 @ Tower Theater - I feel like poor Tori's just about fallen off the map. I'm not sure who would be in the audience. I imagine it would be full of Lilith fair type chicks.

2. Kelly Clarkson 10/18 @ Tower Theater - after cancelling her first part of the tour, Kelly had to relaunch it to play at smaller venues.

3. EVE 10/15@ WXPN - it's called Red Carpet Launch or something like that. EVE hasn't had a good song in about 4 years, but it's supposed to be with Timbaland & about 3 or 4 other people.

My boyfriend's in town & I can't see him

When I heard last spring that Bono was going to be in town this September to accept the Liberty Medal award, I immediately began to think of ways to see him. I've been a fan for as long as I can remember -which is 2nd grade when my cool, older brother took me to see Rattle & Hum, the documentary. To me, nothing's hotter than a rocker with a cause. In 2003, I learned that I had just missed him by a few weeks in the French Riviera where I was doing my study abroad & he has a summer home. In 2004, when he came to Philly to do the graduation speech for UPenn, I went, got an autograph & photo. I did not attend Penn. Nor did I graduate in '04. But I found a way. In 2005, when they were on tour I attended the Philly concert. Now it's 2007 & he's in Philly again, 'cept I won't be able to see him 'cause I don't have tickets to the damn awards.
So sad.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

My Tastesbuds Are All Growed Up...Well, Sorta

things i now enjoy eating that i used to hate as a kid:
egg yolks

things i may never learn to like:
brussel sprouts

things i used to like when i was a kid, but now would never eat:

Memory Lane Is Sweet

beanorams mentioned Lila Fowler tonight, which was a character in the Sweet Valley books. once she said her name, i just couldnt stop thinking about them.

i LOVED my sweet valley twins, Jessica Wakefield (the slutty one) and Elizabeth Wakefield (the smart one). i much preferred the 1st series of books, titled Sweet Valley Twins. i sort of lost interest when they went to Sweet Valley Junior High and really was over them by Sweet Valley High School, but didnt have the heart to tell my mom, so she kept buying them for me.

oy, the guilt.

you can imagine how pissed i was when the twins decided to go to college. would it ever end?!

the book covers pictured with this post, REALLY bring back the mems. i used to stare at these covers over and over again, imagining myself being as pretty as these effing twins. i loved jessica's clothes so much too. she was the coolest.

thanks for the good times francis pascal.

This Just In: Boobs More Important Than Life

“I woke up, and it was like Christmas: I was a nervous wreck, but I was just so excited at the same time. Spencer said, “I’m so proud of you.” It was like he was wishing me well off to school: “Love you! Bye!” But surgery is a very big deal. Right before I went in, I was like, What if I don’t wake up? Oh, this is scary. Then I thought, I don’t care. If I don’t wake up, it’s worth it. I just wanted it so badly.”

this quote truly disturbs me. especially after having a deep conversation with some lady friends about body image just a few days ago. at the end of our confessions of what we hate about our bodies and what we wished could change, i asked if we could each name at least one thing we liked about ourselves.

mine: i have absolutely awesome fingernail beds.

Homo Says What?

Iran president: "We don't have homosexuals in our country"

yeah, man. neither do we...

Oh, No...He's Not a Scally...

you crack us up Tommy. you really do.

you probably really think you're da bomb in that there uniform, don't you? well, slap a gold star on yourself, Tommy, because you are!

Monday, September 24, 2007

What's Wrong with this Photo?

As I'm sure you've heard, there were some nudie pics of Vanessa Hudgens, of High School Musical fame, "leaked" on the good 'ol internet. I'm not upset with the photos for some of the reasons that other people are. Mainly because I don't have any school-age ankle biters that look to her as a role model, I'm not Filipino & look to her as some sort of role model & I'm not some perv that was eagerly awaiting her 18th b-day. Of the reasons listed below, what do you think the problem is with this photo?

A. Vanessa is clearly wasting her time sending nudie pics of herself to her yet-to-come-out-of the-closet bf, Zac Efron.
B. Her tacky lingerie.
C. Surprise that photos of this girl closely associated with such saccharine-filled, plot less Disney films and is an idol to millions of 8 year-olds, ISN'T considered child porn.

If you guessed B, you guessed right. Vanessa, I know that you're making good money from these stupid movies. So, why don't you step it up a bit and get some nice lingerie already? I know that you like to shop - I've seen the photos of you & your 100% hetero bf shopping together, so what's the prob? You're a grown-up with a boyfriend. And, if you're going to act like a grown-up & do the whole celeb nudie thing, you need to dress appropriately. I think that there are legitimate high school girls with better undergarments. Where did you find this get-up - the discount bin at Kmart? If Zac wasn't gay already, this had to put him over the edge.

The tacky crushed velvet-looking push-up bra, the cheesy cotton/spandex blend lacy top undies. To make matters worse, you tied this awful ensemble together! Could you not find a matching set of tackiness or is that all Kmart had in the bin? Remember, a blend of faux fabrics like crushed velvet, push-up underwire with goody-goody cotton do not make for a "come hither/make him straight/wish he was there/immortalized on the internet" moment. Fabrics such as silk or satin do.

I'm not saying that it always has to be La Perla, Agent Provocatuer or Natori. You can get some high-end department store lingerie like Felina, Donna Karan or Calvin Klein. If this is too much for you, just start with a reliable basic, like Victoria's Secret.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're going to take nude photos of yourself that you suspect may be leaked onto the internet (and let's face it, you knew this would get out & hoped that it boost your career), take a little extra time to get something more scandalous and/or switch teams worthy. You obviously made sure your room was clean & the imitation Louis was in the frame before you hit "click", now don't you think that your lady bits deserve the same kind of attention?

Chick Flick Alert - Confessions of a Shopaholic

I just heard that Isla Fisher (gorgeous, crazy redhead from the Wedding Crashers & Sasha Baron Cohen's fiancee) will be playing the heroine Becky Bloomwood from the Confessions of a Shopaholic book series. Just in case you haven't read this book series, Rebeca is a thinner version of Bridget Jones, with the same high jinks and adventures & written by a British author.

I can't wait to see it. I just hope that it won't be a letdown like the Nanny Diaries & that it will be on par with Devil Wears Prada, which apparently has set the bar for chick flicks.

Out Damned Spot!

Last week, the Today show was running a segment on stain removal. Just when they were about to get to the most important part - how to remove ink stains- the show was interrupted by an annoying press conference with the President. He was busy yelling at Congress over health insurance. I was particularly annoyed by the interruption 'cause ink stains are the only stains that I can't manage to get out.

A few minutes later, I had to leave the house for an appointment & I'm sure that by the time the Today show came back, that segment was over. Now, I'll never find out the answer to my burning question.

Do you know how to get an ink stain out of your clothes?

You'd think that I would have learned my lesson by now....

but I clearly haven't. I'm hoping that by putting this in "writing" I will no longer continue to make the same mistake over & over again. Never again will I try to see if my flat iron has reached the appropriate temperature to style my hair by touching the ceramic plates. The stream of smoke coming off it should indicate that it has in fact has reached the appropriate temp.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Tell me honestly.

I need a new duvet cover. My current one is 5 years old, has a tiny stain, and some rips. I am ready for a new one.

My apt is generally light green and yellow, so I think I'd like to stay in that range. I am strangely attracted to this cover with ginkgos from The Company Store, but I am afraid it could also be hein.


Me Time

taking a random day off to do nothing in particular is absolutely awesome. i am so glad i did it. as i told notorious and bean-o last friday night at dinner, i actually enjoy going hours without talking to anyone. it really feels good to me for some reason. do you think thats an early sign of something bad? is hermatism a disease?

anyway....note to self though-when taking random day off to do nothing in particular, try taking off a monday or friday next time. taking a wednesday off is sort of like getting weekend blue balls.

but alas, tomorrow is thursday which means that only one more day till week-end (read the word weekend in the same voice as the british dyson vacuum cleaner spokesman/inventor).

A Reminder to Examine Your Breasts


monthly self breast exams are an important practice.

you wax your eyebrows, feel your boobs.

you whiten your teeth, probe your nipps.

you paint your nails, check for abnormalities.

don't say you don't have time and don't say you forget. just do it!


she's like the 27 year old, discount shopping version of Vogue editrix, Anna Wintour.

your recent posts on clothes have tickled me pink and while on the phone today with andrew (yes, old man andrew) he pointed out the same delightful thing. he has gotten kick out of your very discerning fashion reviews.

keep 'em coming. i love clothes shopping for fall. i am getting quite hungry for a new bag.

An Ode to Silent O....

Dear Silent O,

You are a kind man. I miss having brunch with you at random diners in our hometown, but I am happy to know that I can always count on you for a funny text message, a wonderful email forward, delicious Yankee Candle scents, and for helping me out in a pinch.

You are so nice.


Crocs + escalators = mangle

Everyone is all abuzz about how crocs and escalators are dangerous. They melt, they get caught, they cause all sorts of problems. But here's what I have to say: are crocs really meant for the escalator environment?

I mean, I really like crocs. I have for a while now. But when I learned of them, I was on a wet, rocky island in New Hampshire. Those rubbery soles stick to wet rocks like you wouldn't believe. I also spotted them years ago on natives in Hawaii... they probably know the joy of rubber shoes as good beach shoes.

I don't so much see the smarts involved in crocs in a concrete jungle. (I mean, I wear mine to work when it rains, but I am careful to avoid ALL ESCALATORS.)

People hate the shoes. They are ugly. But they have their own beauty. Just wear them accordingly.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Not everyone can perform.

Heiders, this looks like something I would do in front of my mirror when I was 16. You have no moves and no voice. You do have large fake breasts.

Spence, you're a douche.

thanks, Mo.

Would It Really Hurt?

My office building consists of three floors, each with a set of stairs and an escalator. The escalators to floor 1 to 2 and 2 to 3 have been broken for the past month. The options are to take the stairs (which are not the creepy, kind enclosed behind cinder block walls) or wait for a freight elevator.

I opt to take the stairs. It's good for you and it's only two flights. I am continuously shocked and awed by the amount of people I see waiting in line for an incredibly slow elevator. Taking the stairs is much quicker!

Laziness is so unpretty.

Monday, September 17, 2007

A Low Vera.

The ads for Vera Wang's new Kohl's collection really worked on me. I felt the urge to get into my Subaru and drive... drive... drive to where? Where is Kohl's, again? I don't know, because that store is so boring it's never crossed my radar. Bad choice, Vera. Bad choice.

Their web site is pretty damn impressive though. I guess Vera is the best thing that's happened to Kohl's in a long time so they threw all their efforts behind her line, Simply Vera. And per the web site... it's a pretty paltry collection. Where are all the clothes that were in the ads?

I'm vera confused.

Carrie Bites.

When Sarah Jessica Parker, style maven for the 21st century (too much? too soon? ok) released a clothing line, I was hoping for Carrie Bradshaw clothes on a Roseanne Barr budget. Alas. We really just got Lifetime Movie wardrobe--- pretty boring stuff.... at first. Then her fall stuff came out and it was a tit better.

But still. Not worth handing over my shabby $20. Boo, Carrie. Boo. This is worse than when you dated The Jazz Man.

GO International, luv.

Target's GO International line is consistently good in theory, not so good in execution. The designers (latest was Libertine) usually dare to do something different, but it's just not that great up close. And the one or two good items they normally carry--- like an awesome coat my Behnaz Serafpour (sp) are not in Target price ranges.

But even still, my buddy my pal ALG and I get excited and look over the goods every time. We feel cautiously optimistic about the new line by Alice Temperley. I really like a pink tank sweater, okay? And more! But I guess I have to go to a Greatland and see for myself.

Design for one and all.

I don't see the point of Lauren Conrad's new collection. There is nothing in there that I couldn't buy at Macy's or Forever 21, and it's totally overpriced! Boring-a-roo. Verdict: get creative or head for The Hills.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Life is TOUGH.

I really must say, putting a shower curtain up must be one of the harder domestic chores. You are balanced on the thin lip of the tub, arms above your head, popping open the rings, working your way through all twelve loops.... oh vey.

Bye. No more blogging today for me. I have nothing interesting to say.

My toesies must be kept cozy.

Last night I was the only person in my little group not wearin boots or sneaks. Rather than closed-toed shoes, I was still shivering it out in front of a campfire wearing my beloved flip flops. I totally forgot-- what does a girl wear in Fall if she doesn't want heels or sneaks?

Then my good pal ALG reminded me: ballet flats. So I pulled mine out and I am here for Fall.

(This is stupid but I am exhausted.)

Friday, September 14, 2007

The WORLD is not fair.

I know in the year 2007, women are allowed to admit they like sports. But let's face it: generally, women do NOT know as much sports trivia as guys do. A fact.

So how is it fair that in a friendly game of Quizzo, they can ask sports questions and not balance them out with questions about fashion, beauty or Sex & the City? Something strictly in the women's arena.

I think it's BS.

It's BAAAA-aaack!

My freckle is back on my face. Right where it should be.

Thank you, Nancy Drew.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Just in case you needed a visual

When I read A.T.S.'s post on Moose Knuckle, I kinda guessed what I meant, but I had my suspicions confirmed once I google'd it. For your viewing pleasure :) And, may we pray to God & intimate apparel manufacturers that they have mercy on our vaj-jay's that we don't wind up in a similar predicament.

Nancy Grace - the new dumb broad that I hate

Until recently, I never really had an opinion about Nancy Grace. I’ve only seen her on The Soup or SNL skits getting made fun of. However, this past week I caught her on the View & I wanted to punch her in the face. Why? 1. She’s Southern and her accent drives me crazy.2. She’s self-righteous.3. I’m pretty sure that she’s a Republican. Everything that she was saying was being “hmm-mm” and backed up by Elizabeth Hasselbitch. Elizabeth doesn’t speak up or come to anyone’s defense unless it’s for someone who shares the same opinion. The moment that Elizabeth wasn’t disagreeing with her, I became suspicious.4. She’s dumb. I know that that’s not really a fair reason to dislike someone, but she’s the worst kind of dumb. She doesn’t realize that she’s dumb and she thinks that she’s intelligent. And, for me, that’s a worse offense than being unintelligent – someone who just doesn’t get how dumb they truly are. Nancy reminds me of the Tracy Morgan character on SNL, Brian Fellows. “Like, you’re not fooling me, buddy. Birds can’t talk!” Except, in the clip that I saw her swift-thinking self, she was putting some “expert” in his place because he was demonstrating on a Cabbage Patch doll how a DNA sample can be taken from someone’s mouth. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that she made certain to give his ass a proper chewing out for trying to pull the wool over her eyes as though that doll were a real human being! The nerve! Since my conclusions aren’t exactly scientific - am I misjudging her or is my dislike justified?

Stay in school, kids

I think that I once read somewhere that the always eloquent Avril Lavigne had dropped out of high school at 16 to pursue her punk singing career. I think it was during said interview that she called Hilary Duff a "mommy's girl". Below are some quotes from her latest interview. Too funny."People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts," avows the ersatz punk princess (via Us Weekly). "And anyway, if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me." Avril's unique version of the I'm-rubber-you're-glue philosophy will probably prompt her to label oodles of people "losers" after they read the interview, in which she discusses her altruism ("I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, 'Take it to Katrina!' I also like to give stuff to people who are my 'workers,' especially if they don't make much money") and her belief system ("I'm not particularly religious, but I am spiritual. What kind? Feng shui, mostly, and energy. I'm good at picking up people's energy, like I'm receptive or something"). When not ordering her underpaid minions to send her used Dr. Martens and plaid miniskirts "to Katrina" and bowing down in prayer in front of a perfectly placed sofa, Avril is winning friends with her ladylike behavior at social gatherings. "When I go to a party, I am the party! I'm the girl doing shots, jumping on tables, screaming and getting wasted," she brags to the mag, before adding, "Am I advocating drugs? No! When I say get wasted, that doesn't mean go crazy. Drink in moderation. Be responsible, yeah?"

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

My Tears Dry On Their Own

this thursday night i would have been going to see THE amy winehouse. i don't know if you know this, but i like, LOVE amy.

but alas, her wicked drug addition, self mutilation and abusive marriage to blake the snake has stolen that chance from me.

and now i too will go back to black. i told ya', she was trouble, ya' know she's no good. me and mr. jones agree. but, oh well, my tears dry on their own.

(fans will get those last four sentences. losers will not.)

but seriously amy. i love you anyway. please come to philly soon to see me.

Dear God, What Is Mooseknuckle?

oh. gross.

Get. Ready. To. Laugh.

this guy is the biggest "Brita-looney" ever and his dramatic crying is unparalleled by anyone, i'm sure.

p.s. is it wrong that i want to copy his hairstyle?

p.s.s. thank to jmoney for the clip. no its not jmoney IN the clip, but thats pretty much what he looks like.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Time to move.

Okay, God, I hear you. It's time for me to move. If the year of squirrels, handyman downloading porn, broken dishwasher, 3 cockroaches, messed up plumbing, brutally hot heat that I can't control, crumbling plaster, and mushrooms growing out of my ceiling wasn't enough, this last little trick has DONE ME IN.

I came home today to not one, not three, not five, not seven but EIGHT, countem EIGHT dead or dying flies scattered around my apartment. Um, I have never had a fly problem before. I have never really seen any in my apt. Then I find eight? And they are all dying? WTF.

This place is cursed.

Monday, September 10, 2007


Not as funny as the original ("my bff, jill") but worth a second look:

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Damn, I Blogged My Ass Off

and now its time to let my laptop cool off. thanks for checking in tonight mo, cath and incognegro. nothin but love for ya.

Tina Knowles Strikes Again!

seriously, B. eventually, we are just not going to accept the excuse "my mother is making me wear this" much longer. take back the power you gave her. you're the bread winner, so stop letting her put you in stale outfits that only make you look like you have rolls and accentuate your buns.

(like all of the carb references in that last sentence? yeah, me too.)

The Hills Have Thighs

a few things came to mind when i saw the hills chick-a-dees present an award.

first, whitney is a fucking gorgeous sonafabitch. seriously, she is almost as stunning as i am on sunday mornings.

second, lauren's ruby red lips are poppin'. i think i am going to wear red lipstick on my next big night out. i heard once that there is a red lipstick for every girl out there, you just got to find it.

last, audrina should thank her fucking lucky stars that she some how landed this gig because while lauren is a bonified pop icon and whitney a bonified babe-o-rama, she is about three olives short of a dry martini.

Speaking Of Freedom

alicia did two things tonight:

1. reminded me that she is a hermaphrodite.

2. reminded me that my all time favorite music video is "Freedom" by George Michael.


Get A Stylist, Save A Celebrity

go hayden p., you little tight ass cheerleader, you! give your stylist a bonus because she finally transformed your appearance from a young, doofy mousekateer to a hot and sexy celebrity looking for a little fun with a side of DUI.

very reese wither-haal too. i am sure she is flattered that you copied her.

Sorry Jesus, But I Have Hate In My Heart

i have grown to hate lily allen and see her now as nothing more than a big mouth, british version of avril lavigne. these two should be locked in a cage with spider monkeys.

amy winehouse better win best new artist. i voted. you should too.

Check Out Dude-a-kis On Far Left

Fall out boy. never dug 'em, and never really cared.

however, i am posting about them for precisely two reasons:

1. notorious alg gives them the Douchebag Award for destroying their instruments (don't know when that happened actually)
2. and i give the dude-a-kis on the the far left the "I want to steal Rihanna's hairstyle" award. fyi buddy: you are not a young, beautiful black woman from barbados. you are a douche.

Hi, We Can't Make Up Our Minds

on again, off again.

on again, off again.

sort of like li-lo's alcohol monitoring anklet.

break up and g.o.i. for the kids! they will thank you once they get out of rehab.

I Can't Tell If Lil Mama is 14 or 44

not too long ago, while eating some grub at the new silk city diner, beanorams made a hysterically true observation of person that sat in the booth behind us...she could not tell if this person was 13 or 35. i agreed, literally astonished.

i am reminded of that story now as i look at this picture of lil mama. don't get me wrong, mama definitely has had my pelvis poppin' this summer with her smash hit, "lip gloss". but, let me be honest. she definitely could pass for a 44 year old.

that pacifier hanging out of her mouth does not fool me.

Kanye West Is MTV's George Clooney

kanye, you are either gay or adorable. i can't tell which.

you are seriously smashing in that tux. you are like the video music award version of george clooney.

new nickname: kanye clooney.

now go make out with rihanna before i cry.

Imagine This Sex Tape

the best outcome possible (besides fitty shooting paris 9 times in the face) would be a little fitty jr. i guess he would be called nick, jr.

also, shout out to JT who used his 15 second acceptance speech to demand MTV pay homage to its actual namesake: play more music videos!

The First of Many, I'm Sure

congrats Ri-Ri (aka little miss sunshine) on your win for monster single of the year. "Umbrella" is definitely one of my fave songs of 2007. you look fabulous in that hot pink dress too.

now do me a favor: dump that shiloh dude and get with kanye clooney. not only would that make me happy, but it would also give beyonce some well deserved confidence.

Hey Alicia Keyes:

Sarah Silverman did it better, babe. sit down. don't feel bad though-you don't need to talk. you have amazing skin.

(even though i heard you are a hermaphrodite.)

Its Britney Bitch

this is what the producers must have been thinking:

let's pack the stage with at least 100 dancers (who arent high, like she clearly is) and maybe no one will notice that she is not really singing, dancing or coherent.

things i did notice mr. producer man--her freakish blue contacts, her nappy ass weave and her pot belly.

i am so thankful i never did drugs.

so unpretty rating: F-

Separated at Birth

are paris hilton and that creepy MTV host, John Norris (you know, that 85 year old guy with the gap in his teeth) going to the same hairdresser now? seriously those blonde bobs are too much.

interesting/sadly...he has more make up on than she does.

bring on the brit!

Live Blogging Tonight Starting at 9:00 PM

yes, bitches, its the shit show we've all been waiting for.

the mtv music awards. britney's comeback. more celebs than you can fit in the frame of a sex tape.

should be exquisitely lame and we will be live blogging during the show, so definitely check in.

seacrest out.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Follow a Stranger...It's Fun!

Yesterday, before our Gouda debate, beanorama and i followed a stranger. not first.

she was a petite brunette with excellent self confidence and an eye for fashion. she was decked out to do what seemingly looked like just going for a stroll. she had her hair slicked back into a ballerina bun. she wore dangly earrings and an ipod. her figure was wrapped nicely in a black, tailored "vintage-inspired" dress. she pranced up 18th and down walnut streets in black, patten-leather pumps and made each window shopping gaze a demonstration of her sly ability to look without really looking interested.

she was also smoking, which made her look ten times more cool. this is where i lost beanorams, who tore her apart. i also expect her to have more than a couple of nasty comments to this post.

but i still like her. i will name her...Marisol von Otten.