Monday, February 26, 2007

And you thought KittenWar was bad?

OMG. This is awful. Like KittenWar, but for people! If you dare, check out the Who Is Hotter Blog, but make sure to keep a trash can right next to you.

You decide. And I will too.

B: you love the asymmetrical tops. boring. C
Cam: hein dog. Seriously. at least pretend you have breasts. F
Nicole: you's a classy lady, but to skinny. Bows are on their way out but I like it on you. A
Jessie Biel: Nice breasts. And I like pink for a 24 year old. But up close you looked tired. Too many three ways with J Timbs & Scarlett?
Rachel Weisz: The prettiest. The best. The best best best. A+

Mama's Boy

props to ryan gosling. despite losing to forest whitacker for best actor, ryan is a winner in my book for bringing his mom and sister to the academy awards...he also brought a whole lotta sexy.

who would have thought the freak from "murder by numbers" could have pulled this off?

other surprising actors that were nominated this year: mark walburg. yes, as in marky-mark and the funky bunch.

see kids, dreams really do come true.

Glamorous or Morose?

Little Miss Dolly and Little Mr. Arrogant.

Abagail Breslin is adorable. She did an awesome job with Little Miss Sunshine. She's not a child actor robor like Dakota Fanning-- meaning she's in fifth grade and acts like a fifth grader, not like a 60 year old woman. But honestly, bringing the stuffed monkey to the Oscars was a little much. When you are in fifth grade, you are starting to like boys. You're probably not frenching them yet, but you at least know what that is. Fifth graders today probably have cellies and MySpace for chrissake. They are not bringing stuffed monkeys to the Oscars.

(And this is coming from a girl who still has a security blanket. I know, I know. but my older sister does too!)

Will Smith's son, Jaden, on the other hand, was super annoying because he tried to act like a veteran actor. He was cockier than Jack Nicholson. The kid was so annoying that when he got ahead of himself on the teleprompter, then read the envelope wrong, I was like "busted!" I know that's wrong and mean, as he is just a little kid, but it's just the truth. The unpretty truth.

Next in Celebrity News... You Stank.

I was watching E! or the Insider or some such celeb news show, and they had a whole segment on these two regular-joe women who have a malodor syndrome. No matter what these women eat, or how much they wash, they will always and forever smell. One lady says she smells like "burning rubber" and the other smells "like fish." It's due to some problem in the liver. Videos showed strangers waving the air in front of their noses and backing away from the women.

Now, this is seriously unfortunate. But I don't see how it belongs on Entertainment Tonight. Basically, ET was probably like-- ew, this is nasty-- people would love it! Let's put it on the show and pretend to be sympatheic. Now, it would be news if we found out Anna Nicole had the odor problem, and Britney shot Anna in the face with mace to remove it. Alas.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Chick-Flick Alert

I absolutely HATE chick flicks. However, once a year or so I have to give in to my estrogen producing body and watch one. My chick flick of '06 was The Devil Wears Prada. My chick flick of '07 is going to be the Nanny Diaries with Scarlett Johannson. Last year, I was into reading "chick lit" or what I affectionately referred to as my "stupid books" while I spent my weekends poolside. The themes of DWP, the Nanny Diaries, You'll Never Nanny in this town again, Celebrity Personal Assistant, etc. appealed to me. The common theme among all of these books were underappreciated, overworked people. Hmmmm....

Anyway, since this is a movie that I can't take the hubby to, I'll need some chicks to come with me. It comes out April 20th. Anyone interested?

Thursday, February 22, 2007


So, one of the more normal Grey's ladies is leaving the show, getting a spinoff in NY. I should have seen it coming. All that talk with Alex about if she leaves, "would anybody notice?" It's too bad, becaus I like Kate Walsh, the woman, and I like Addison, the character. I think Addison broadens the show a little so it's not so much up McDreamy/Meredith's butt.

If her pilot tanks, she'll be back on Grey's. At least, that's the word on the street.

Love, Beanorama

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Over the hill.

Kurt Cobain would be 40 this year. That blows my mind. Even more mind-blowing? He died at 27... the age I will be this year. I remember my mom picked me up from school in 7th grade, and she told me. We listened to it on NPR, then I put this Rolling Stone cover on my closet, where my New Kids poster had been just one year before, and a kitten poster two years before that.

Being the same age he was brings a little perspective- wow, this was a quiet guy that had massive fame, a drug-addled wife, a new baby, and boat loads of depression. Drugs + depression = Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix... all dead at 27 in the midst of their fame/careers. And they --like Judy Garland, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe-- got to spiral downhill without Perez Hilton documenting their every wedgie pick along the way. That's why I feel bad for La Lohan & Britney Spears... they are so utterly fucked and we all have to see every second of it.

That's Unpretty.

The Secret is...

bizzaro files...

have you heard about the secret?

its this strange cult phenomenon that everyone from oprah to CNN is talking about.

is the law of attraction really that earth-shattering of a realization? i feel like this is just more pretend fun for those da vinci code freaks to get off on.

i am tempted to pay the $5 though and watch the video. who wants to go halfsies?

Thought for the Day

I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams. (Hamlet, II.ii)

please post a comment as to what you think this means...

Harses, harses, harses.

My Mom got mad that I didn't get appropriately choked up over this video, but maybe you will:

There was a herd of horses that were trapped for 3 days on a tiny piece of land in wind and rain in the Netherlands a short while ago. The tiny piece of land was surrounded by deep water, and the water kept rising in the storm. The horses’ natural instincts kept them from swimming to solid land from their tiny perch. There were about 100 horses huddled together against the wind and water. The nation was mesmerized watching this drama as 18 of the horses perished, while others were slowly weakening.

First the fire department, then the Dutch army, tried to rescue them – both efforts were unsuccessful.

Then, with a break in the weather, the water level went down and four women hatched a plan to attempt a rescue by luring the horses into the water.

Here's a video of the successful rescue.

Hot in Herre

So, I am in such a great mood today because Punx Phil is living up to his word. It is finally back up in the high 40s. It's beginning to feel a lot like spring! (Which we all know is just summer's opening act.)

The latest in good girlz gone bad.

Joss Stone used to be a wholesome, crunchy, hippy sort of gal... now she's a mix between Lucille Ball and Shakira. Oh, how the mighty are fallen. First Jessica Simpson, then Nellie Furtado, now Joss Stone. I guess the Americans don't corner the market on "slutty."

Monday, February 19, 2007

Over the tizzy, Izzy.

So, I've discovered the wonder of the Internets, and that wonder is free episodes of Grey's Anatomy downloadable for free on I never seem to catch the actual episode, so I watch it a few days later, after my mom or sister or friend has already spilled all the deets. Anyway, this past episode was pretty good. When McSteamy squeezed McDreamy? Yea, a tear fell. But the tears were a flowing when Sandra Oh found out about Meredith (I'm not trying to give away too many details). When Mrs. Robota/Yang actually had TEARS in her EYES-- wowsers. Sad. But then Izzy goes into this whole "I believe" speech.... waaaaay over the top. No one talks like that. In a life or death situation, no one needs to know if you "believe that butter has no calories if no one is watching." Come on. Note to Grey's: simplicity rules. As does George. I love that guy.

Does I Tunes Play Favorites?

Is it my imagination, or does I Tunes play favorites? I have one Norah Jones album on my I Tunes--and I don't even like it all that much-- but it seems every fourth or fifth song, I hear Ms. Sultry/Jazzy. I know it counts how many times I've played the songs, or if I've rated it... but I haven't rated anything and I don't pick out these songs a lot. Does anyone else's I Tunes play favorites?

If I Was A...

bartender, do you think i would be one of those obnoxious bartenders that jump over the bar to get in and out?

would i also be the type of bartender that throws limes, lemons and cherries into the air and catch them with the cup?

and worst of all, would i be the type of bartender that ignores normal looking or ugly girls and only pay attention to the pretty or slutty ones?

yeah...i probably would be that kind of bartender. never mind.

p.s. read the tagline on the movie poster. poetic genius. i bet tom wrote that one himself.

p.s.s. flip flop girl-you know i meant you when i said "slutty ones", right?

Love At First Bite

Cranberry, meet Raisin. Raisin, meet Cranberry.

(sweet, passionate love ensues...nine months later...)

Push! Push!

It's a...a...Craisin! A delicious, scrumptious, perfect little Craisin!

Telly Savalas? G.I. Jane? ...Oh. No, It's Just Britney Spears.

ok, i bet you didnt have as wild a weekend as britney spears. (though i did. it involved a petting zoo, laffy taffy and a sex swing.)

just how wild did britney get? um, she shaved her own fucking head. i know...wowsers. and she did this right after busting out of a rehab center. i guess maybe she had a spiritual awakening and felt that she was channeling the dali lama. or maybe she was just out of her mind.

brit then went on to getting two new tattoos from a seedy 24 hour tattoo parlor. she did all of this while being filmed and photographed by countless paparrazzi who i am sure had to take breaks changing their cream-filled underwear.

the kicker to this weirdness? the hair salon that britney shaved her head at is now selling her hair

...but wait! there's more! not only do you receive the nappy locks of the former pop queen, but you also get a can of red bull and lighter that she left behind as well as the very clippers she used to shave her head! holy crap, what a steal for a million dollars!

Video killed the video star.

When I go anywhere that has MTV and VH1, I try to get my fill. Well, today, VH1 filled me with disgust. This video, for "Lost Without You" by some chap named Robin Thicke, made me laugh. He was totally nineties, and was trying to be a mix of Chris Isaacs and Justin Timberlake. But he was about 10 years too old to carry off J. Timbs' falsetto. And I thought, no way would this douche be with a girl that hot. (Then I did some research, and realized, it's his real-life wife. Stupid me.) Who is this guy? Is he famous and I don't know it?

Friday, February 16, 2007

Words to Die By

this morning at work started out great. i came in to a fresh pot of french vanilla coffee brewing-i was the first cup (so exciting). the office was quiet and calm. i sat down, turned on my itunes, changed my pumas to my dress shoes and opened my find a nasty email from our editor sent to the entire company. apparently, she was asked to "remind" all of us morons what words we are NEVER to use in press releases or advertising. don't try to make sense of it. you never will. in fact, if you do try, your head might explode.


* Discount (do not use in reference to Philadelphia)
* Cutting edge
* State-of-the-art
* World class
* Hot bed
* Poster child
* Plethora
* Invites (as a noun)
* Ground zero
* Unique
* Institutions
* One-of-a-kind
* Myriad
* Best-kept secret
* Strategic
* Mecca
* Vibe
* Indulge
* Šhas it all
* From Mozart to Metallica
* Flock
* Bustling
* Abounds

Finding Stuff is Fun

Today I decided to clean up some of the "crap" on my desk since I was berated earlier this week for being a cluttered mess. I came across some great notes from a couple blog heads.

"When the wine enters, out goes the truth." I wrote this one to remind myself about controlling my mouth when I drink. Hasn't stuck yet. We are getting a T-shirt made for a certain SUSO (Sounpretty Silent Observer). You know who you are.

"If you had a dime and I had a quarter, we both would not have a pot to piss in." -Unusual
"If you had a dime and (Unusual) had a quarter and I had a quarter, this still wouldn't make sense." -Jmoney

"Staples are very helpful. Before they were invented, the world suffered severly." -Unusual

"Before we had (Unusual), work was done. Not well, but it got done." - Jmoney

Good times. I'll miss you two when I'm on the other side. Don't speak - I know you feel the same.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Stop Criticizing

The theme of this post is going to be perspective. I think I have been criticized a lot lately for certain things, but I believe it is a matter of perspective. Unusual knows that the best-kept secret is one's own attitute. Here are a few examples:

Yes, I just bounced yet another check. But, I keep PNC employees on their toes and break up their otherwise monotonous days. Also, I love getting mail, and they always send me a letter informing me of my wrongdoing.

I can be a little socially awkward sometimes. Excuse me for not thinking that I am the greatest person that ever existed and subjecting certain people to an "all Flip all the time" show. Blessed are the humble...

So, I've lost a couple wallets. Cab Driver Jr. had a great Christmas. And, I keep the PNC Fraud Department busy so they don't despise their jobs.

I overtip. Bartender Jr. and Cab Driver Jr. aren't complaining.

I check the Daily Collegian Web site more times than I care to admit. Instead of being pathetic, I am grateful that I had such an awesome four years. When my current life overshadows the G-Man memories at PSU, I'll stop checking in.

I haven't posted for some time, so my name wasn't under "Contributors." I'm baaaaacckkkkk.

What I Wish:

I wish I had a lady with tweezers, always following me around. That and world peace.

Goodbye. Farewell. Auf wiedersehen.

Notorious.... No, No, Notorious ALG is saying "adios" to her old space as she moves into the new. This means goodbye to windows, but also a big peace out to a somewhat immature supervisor. This means "so long" to a sweet blonde friend, and siyonara gym. Siyonara bell boys. Helllllooo, free parking.

Congrats, ALG. You. Da. Bomb.

Isn't the whole point of a clear bag to avoid situations like this?

Weirdest discovery of the day. I was standing behind a lady waiting for the light to change, and noticed something odd. She was carrying one of those clear tote bags (which I think is dumb anyway-- who wants to see all your shiat?) and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a cockroach IN HER BAG. Nastaroo! I'm not sure what else was in there... maybe some yarn for knitting? But the cucaracha was clearly defined.

I had a brief debate. To tell or not to tell? And I decided not to, for a couple of reasons. One, I heard her speaking, and she didn't speak English very well, so I was afraid my point wouldn't get across and then it would be a clusterfuck. But two, she was with a (male) companion, and I was afraid to embarrass her. Cockroaches carry a certain stigma, you know?

Although, maybe it was her pet and she loved it. Her little unpretty coch-a-loch.


I know, I know. I was the not one to discover this, and if you work with me, you probably got this in your email. But for the readers who do not work with me (hi, mom) I thought you might enjoy this little piece of proofreader's paradise... or nightmare. Congrats, Google! Or should I say... Googe?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Do You Like This Painting?

then you like Lee Krasner, an influential abstract expressionist painter in the second half of the 20th Century. She was born in Brooklyn, New York in 1908 to Russian Jewish immigrant parents. She was married to renowned artist, Jackson Pollock.

Aside from putting up with Pollock's drunken, cheatin' ass, Krasner also helped him become what he became-which is probably one of the most famous american painters to date. she rarely got a chance to do her own work. she has only 599 known existing pieces. she was rigorously self-critical and her critical eye is believed to have been important to Pollock's work.

Krasner was portrayed in an Academy Award-winning performance by Marcia Gay Harden in the 2000 film Pollock, a drama about the life of her husband Jackson Pollock directed by Ed Harris.

She died at age 75 in 1984.

JT; T Minus 43 days

A Wintry Mix, Eh? Cheers!

so the blizzard of '07 has in fact been downgraded to a "wintry mix". its so funny to hear people with philly accents (myself included) say those two words. its like hearing a bad hugh grant impression over and over. damn those weathermen (and women) with there fancy british terms like "wintry mix" and "wind chill factor". damn them straight to stormy hell.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Anna Nicole again.

I know I am a jerk for weighing in on the too-short life of a dead woman, but it is safe to say a lot of people are fascinated by her. But here's the latest. Supposedly people have video of ANS & her baby a few days before ANS died. In it, Anna Nicole is saying how the baby says MaMa. Now, I don't mean to be a doubting Tomasina here, but isn't that baby like 4 or 5 months old? Do babies speak at that age?

Now I'm not sure if any of you have heard, but I have a new, perfectly perfect nephew (who happens to weigh 14 lbs, 6 oz today, isn't that special) but I think that makes me somewhat of a baby expert... and I go by the old adage: one to walk, two to talk. Am I right or am I right?

I am an American citizen. I am a jurer.

So, today I did my citizen duty and showed up for Jury Duty. Wow. Eye Opening, I will tell you. A real cross section of America shows up at those things (not to mention the non-American Norwegian citizen that showed up in my group, too).

You have your annoying group of 3-4 people that become "friends" for the day and have to comment and laugh about everything. (Like when we are told to line up & turn around, one wiseguy has to yell out 'and then we get to do the hokey pokey?' and all his new jury-duty "friends" laugh and laugh.) Then there is the woman who is the size of a barge who has unzipped her sweatshirt to reveal almost all of her hangy-hangs. Oh, and don't forget about the one lady that announces, "Your Honor, I have problems with my colon" or the other lady who falls asleep during questioning. And the one guy that has to leave because he has a criminal conviction. Or the man next to me that carried around McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts all day and hadn't showered in a month.

Seriously, I thought a jury pool of 40 was a lot to whittle down to 12. But honestly-- I wouldn't trust most of those people to tie my shoes let alone decide my fate.

I was nervous throughout the whole thing, thinking I would get picked and just succeed in hanging the jury because I would only see "gray" not black and white. Plus, yikes, it was a homicide trial. Scary. Alas, I was not chosen. I don't know if it's because I knew the defense lawyer's daughter or what... but either way, even though I didn't want to get picked... I was still felt a little miffed at getting left out. All in all, it was a very cool experience and left me proud (tear, tear) of our democracy. Though I do think they should have supplied lunch.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

The Seven Pound Itch

i know its only mid-february (can you believe it?!), but i am already starting to feel a lil bit of spring fever. and i'm also getting that itch to drop a few of those winter lbs i've put on. i'm feeling sluggish, pudgy, and unattractive lately. i once heard someone call someone else "ten pounds of shit stuffed in a five pound bag."

...yeah, its like that.

so what to do? well, i have decided to eat a bit better than i have been. no more bagels or pretzels in the morning for breakfast. i'm gonna go back to the good ole standby: target brand slim fast. for lunch? try to do more salads, yogurt, fruit. as for dinner, i could do less cheesesteaks, pizza and wawa hoagies.

will it work? it better. i want to look my best as soon as this dreadful weather breaks.

peace, love and dexitrim.


Excerpt from Barack Obama's powerful speech, announcing that he is running for Prez, Feb. 10, 2007:

"I know there are those who don't believe we can do all these things. I understand the skepticism. After all, every four years, candidates from both parties make similar promises, and I expect this year will be no different. All of us running for president will travel around the country offering ten-point plans and making grand speeches; all of us will trumpet those qualities we believe make us uniquely qualified to lead the country. But too many times, after the election is over, and the confetti is swept away, all those promises fade from memory, and the lobbyists and the special interests move in, and people turn away, disappointed as before, left to struggle on their own....

That is why this campaign can't only be about me. It must be about us - it must be about what we can do together. This campaign must be the occasion, the vehicle, of your hopes, and your dreams. It will take your time, your energy, and your advice - to push us forward when we're doing right, and to let us know when we're not. This campaign has to be about reclaiming the meaning of citizenship, restoring our sense of common purpose, and realizing that few obstacles can withstand the power of millions of voices calling for change....

And if you will join me in this improbable quest, if you feel destiny calling, and see as I see, a future of endless possibility stretching before us; if you sense, as I sense, that the time is now to shake off our slumber, and slough off our fear, and make good on the debt we owe past and future generations, then I'm ready to take up the cause, and march with you, and work with you. Together, starting today, let us finish the work that needs to be done, and usher in a new birth of freedom on this Earth."

And this is our current president...

George W. Bush, interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007

"And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."

Red Carpet Muncher

i looooooove watching the pre-shows for just about any awards ceremonies...

golden globes...people's choice...grammys...and of course, the grand-poo-bah of all awards ceremonies, the oscars.

the stars (the bold and the beautfiul), the fashion choices (the good and the bad) and of coursie-course, the awkward celebrity interviews on the red carpet.

who could forget the notorious isaac mizzarahi-scarlett johannsen boob grab of 2006?

tonight, i was watching the grammys and some pretty funny shit happened. i always thought john mayer was toolbag, but it was confirmed when he answered a question from ryan seacrest with incoherent jibber-jabber. granted the question was about he and jessica simpson, and he didnt want to answer it, but whatever happened to the short and simple "no comment"? what a jerk.

the chili peppers didnt dissapoint either. they sprayed ryan seacreast with silly string and then flea pointed to ryan's loins and said, "aw dude, you got some on your cock." the stunner? that flea thinks ryan has a cock.

true to form, scarlett denied any relationship with JT when Guilianna Depandi asked her if they were dating. bullshit, Scar. Sabsy saw you macking JT in south beach and i believe my Sabsy, bitch. and god, what's the dealio? if i kissed JT everyone on this earth would know about it...except my husband :)

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I Didnt Do It, I Swear!

ok, i know its really weird that i posted about anna nicole smith just last night and now she's dead. i can't believe it! i swear i had nothing to do with it...

but, you must admit, i was def on to something. now its the DOUBLE MURDER MYSTERDY of 2007.

holy trim spa.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Dear Todd Oldham

i saw your new show on bravo, TOP DESIGN, and i must are no heidi klum...that is what you were going for right? project runway meets ikea?

well, sorry, but you are out. and i'm not talking about your sexuality because frankly, i am still on the fence about you...i suspect you are asexual.

no todd, you're out because you have no personality. you also have a funky grill and you look like ellen degeneres if she were to get a sex change.

...wait a second-where has ellen been lately? all of her talk shows have been repeats recently...and come to think of it, you never do see ellen and you in the same room...holy shit! todd, you are ellen! ellen, you are todd!

gosh, that just changes everything! i love you todd oldham (if thats what you want me to call you-wink, wink). your show rocks! keep up the great work! push those poser interior designers till they cry into their paint samples.

i hope this doesnt mean that you'll stop appearing in those great amex commercials...i just adore them!

Lyrics to Look At

Times They Are A-Changin*
by bob dylan

Come gather round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
Youll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin
Then you better start swimmin
Or youll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance wont come again
And dont speak too soon
For the wheels still in spin
And theres no tellin who
That its namin.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin.

*inspired to post this due to recent events

Anna, Anna, Bo-Banna

i have tried to abstain from posting about the bloody, trim spa mess that is anna nicole smith but i can't contain myself any longer.

i break my silence now because i believe we are now on the eve of the murder mystery of 2007. it will be the new OJ, a better Jon Benet. it will be full of weirdness, loose ends, and most likely, not have a conclusion.

tonight on the insider (a very intelligent program), the infamous P.O.B. announced that according to the National Inquirer (a very reliable news source), howard k. stern MURDERED anna nicole smith's son, daniel.

i know. this is going to be good to watch. i predict that by fall, there will be a trial. and we all know how good anna performs on the witness stand. but who will be her legal counsel, if her legal counsel is the one on skid row?


this is definitely "beverly hillbillies" meets "murder she wrote" meets soft-core porn.

Poor little thang, little chicken wang.

As I sit here looking at my crusty-eyed, half-lidded, shaven-bellied, drugged-up, hysterectomied kitten, it strikes me that it is pretty brave of the vets of the world to trust their pet owners. I am now entrusted with the post surgical care of a five month old who doesn't speak English! I am supposed to monitor her eating, keep her from jumping (!?), make her abstain from ripping out her stitches, watch for a "walnut-sized lump," wrap her in an ace bandage, etc. It's hard. It's actually an Unpretty job. Poor Rubella... she is so sad & sleepy & sweet.

Algebra in my apartment?

This morning as I was leaving my apartment, I saw that someone had written something beneath my name on the mailbox. It said "Bashore." Now, it could be my old Math teacher, Mrs. Bashore. Or it could be a secret mob code and tomorrow I show up (or rather, don't show up) dead. Or maybe just a prankster, but either way, it freaks me out.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Are you ready for some football?

During the Supah Bowl I got a txt from Unusual Suspect* saying "I decided football is boring unless the Eagles are playing." A truer statement has never been t9-ed. I might tune in if the Steelers, or the Redskins, or the Giants or even those damned Pats were in the big SB (again) but unless my man D-Mac or his #2 Garcia are throwing some hail marys (no idea if that makes sense), I'm not interested.

...But speaking of #2 (and I'm not talking about poop), let's bring it back to me. Because I am an amazing couch footballer! I came in #2 in my fantasy football league, against my football-obsessed bro-in-laws male cousins. I won $80! And for the Supah Bowl, I got numero dos AGAIN on a multiple choice test-- and I guessed all the answers!

Is it skill, or am I just lucky in football pools? And if you answer is luck, can I please be lucky to run into that new Eagle that's also an Olympic skiier and a model? And if the gods of luck can't arrange that, can they arrange a little meetup with Kyle Corver, the poor man's Ashton Kutcher? Thx.

*hardest name to abbreviate, by the way. "Unus" just looks drrty.

Mr. & Mrs. America (To Be)

And the countdown is on... check out the "crazy younger sister bridesmaid."
Wedding Web Page

Monday, February 05, 2007

She's a Maniac, Maniac!

yeah, i did it. and i'll do it again. i will do it everyday that its effing 7 degrees outside (well, that is the what the windshield factor is). what is it i'm doing, you ask your cold, pathetic, little self?

wearing leg warmers. and i could not be happier. and you could not be more jealous.

i am not embarrassed. and i am not afraid to say it: i am one hotsy totsy bi-atch.

i'm sure you probably have heard that i also do a mean flashdance impersonation. well, i do (blush, blush). don't believe me? come see.

Speaking of Kitten War & Open Cat Surgery...

...what if the Rube's soul is stolen during her caterectomy, and afterwards, she acts like this?

Tutini? Blasphemy!

Am I allowed to admit that I think I am the only person in Philadelphia—p’raps, in the country—that doesn’t get all weak-kneed over King Tut?

Yes, the famed King Tut exhibition teaches us folks from the US of A about the burial rites of Ancient Eqypt. But it doesn’t tell you much more about the LIFE of the Ancient Egyptians. It doesn’t admit that we are looking at desiccations of a grave. It doesn’t mention that you will be cursed once you step outside the bookstore. Am I completely thick skinned or am I just wise enough to see through multimillion-dollar marketing?

Say a little prayer for…

…the Rubity Toopsdale, who is getting her female parts cut from her frail little body tomorrow. In 24 hours, my she-cat will be empty in the womb after open-cat surgery. Poor thing. No more future generations of Rubella deVille.

PS You know that ain't my gal in the picture. That's just a cat-ress.