Dear Todd Oldham

i saw your new show on bravo, TOP DESIGN, and i must say...you are no heidi klum...that is what you were going for right? project runway meets ikea?

well, sorry, but you are out. and i'm not talking about your sexuality because frankly, i am still on the fence about you...i suspect you are asexual.

no todd, you're out because you have no personality. you also have a funky grill and you look like ellen degeneres if she were to get a sex change.

...wait a second-where has ellen been lately? all of her talk shows have been repeats recently...and come to think of it, you never do see ellen and you in the same room...holy shit! todd, you are ellen! ellen, you are todd!

gosh, that just changes everything! i love you todd oldham (if thats what you want me to call you-wink, wink). your show rocks! keep up the great work! push those poser interior designers till they cry into their paint samples.

p.s.
i hope this doesnt mean that you'll stop appearing in those great amex commercials...i just adore them!