Do I love Ruby?

Good news: Ruby's dreadlocks are gone.
Bad news: She has bald spots. [see image]

She acted like she didn't like me cutting them out, but she didn't try to run away. I think her brilliant animal instincts told her I was being a good Mama and grooming her.

Question: a sometime Unpretty reader (hey there!) thinks his roommate is obsessed with her cat, and that by comparison, I am not obsessed with Ruby. I swear he just hasn't seen the worst of it because I probably try to act like a normal human and suppress it. So, poll: do you guys think I am overly in love with my little Sugarface, Ruby?

Oprah be damned. I like James Frey!

While I do respect people who get pissed off at James Frey for lying about the details of his life in his memoir A Million Little Pieces, I do still hold the opinion that damn-- he wrote a fine book that kept me captivated and really affected me. When Oprah turned on him, and the world freaked out at him, I felt bad for him and wrote him a lil email. And he wrote me back, which I thought was just great.

So, at the dawn of his purely fictional novel Bright Shiny Morning, I was psyched to go with Flip Flop Girl to hear him speak. Flip and I both grimaced when people in the audience harped on the Oprah debacle too much. A lot of people said shit and fuck. A young boy asked him if it was depressing to sit in once place too long (no). Another man asked him about his hairline (genetics). A couple recovering addicts told them they appreciated and identified with his memoir, truthiness or not. He said he disg Philadelphia and drove here a few months ago after seeing Rocky just to run the steps. Norman Mailer gave him support. And I got up the balls to ask a question (q: "what are you working on next?" a: a story about a guy who has epileptic seizures which lead him to believe he's the Messiah).

After, Flip stood by my side as we waiting in the looooong line. She even took a picture of me and Mr. Frey. And I told him I thought it was cool that he emailed me back that time long ago. And he wrote me a nice note in the book.

MetroMcVey: I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it sooner. But Mo Cheeks alerted me to the reading late in the day, and it was a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants decision.

Moral of the story: if I am picked for Book Club, I know my book choice.

Ruby is disgusting. And awesome.

I swallowed my guilt in favor of not being a lame, overprotective Crazy Cat Lady and left Ruby home alone this Memorial Day Weekend. Despite leaving the radio on, giving her three bowls of water and two full bowls of food, and scattering her toys around the apartment, I still felt bad for abandoning her.

Well, I shouldn't have. Because apparently, The Rubes had a visitor. Until she killed it. When I came home I found the tiniest of mouses belly up on my rug. Gross!

I am both proud and grossed out by my dreadlocked little gal. And I certainly won't kiss her on her sweet little face.

Our Book is Popular Even with Animals!

I saw this in Sunday's comics (yes, I still do read the comics section of the Sunday paper) & spotted this gem. Our book club obviously has good taste if it's even mentioned in the cartoons:)

P.S. - You may have to click on the photo to enlarge it so that you can read the text.

Ruby is gross.

As you might know, my cat is pretty much the best and the brightest that ever was made. No doubt about it: she is beauteous. However, she does have dreadlocks on her back.

I know going forward I just have to actually groom or brush her, but until I get to that preventative state I have to deal with about 5 chunks of dreads. What should I do? Advice please.

In the wise words of a woman many Unpretty writers know: "tanks, mon."

Best part of Freaks and Geeks.

James Franco is a beautiful specimen and the most enjoyable part of watching Freaks and Geeks. Also, he's like the Jordan Catalano of McKinley High. And what girl born in 1980 doesn't have a thing for that illiterate brooder?

Chicken cutlets... for your chest.

The Beanorama sisters always tend to get a little cranky when having to dress up. We've just never done so well with all the accotrement of formalwear: the jewelry, the up-'dos, the heels, the ill-fitting dresses, the strapless bras. I especially hate strapless bras as I think they flatten a girl out.

But now that I just finished my fourth stint as a bridesmaid, I have made a most excellent discovery: breast forms, aka chicken cutlets! These things stick to your boobies, look natural, and don't move an inch! They are perfect when the dress fabric is too thin for going commando.

I borrowed a set of chicken cutlets from a gal at work... and she said I could keep'em! Yea!

They make your boobs look like eggs, or like the models in the Victoria's Secret catalogue who have airbrushed nipples, so beware if entering into a time of romance. But otherwise, they are a great find.

Return of the Old Man.

For a few months now I've been powering through all six Star Wars movies. I am finally on Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (the third movie created but the chronological last in the series). I am so over it that I have read newsweek and I am now blogging during the viewing.

Anyway, Carrie Fischer is as skinny as a rail (probably because she was blowing rails all movie long). And Luke looks terrible... like he's chronically ill.

Geeks of the world, I apologize, but this movie stinkaroos.

Don't Panic - only 30 days 'til summer!

If you're like me & trying to fit nicely into a swimsuit come summertime, then try not to panic. If you already look bikini-ready, then go to hell. My gym keeps a daily posting of a countdown to the official start of the summer. As if I needed a reminder as I'm huffing & puffing my way through a workout on the elliptical.

Harrumph!

My Mother: In a Nutshell

I returned from a meeting in another building and the receptionist informed me that my mother had dropped off a package for me. Excited and confused, he handed over a Talbots bag containing: a pair of Spanx, a Lilly Pulitzer sundress (hand-me-down) and a cold Coke Zero.

She is hilarious.

And I adore her.

OMG, I'm actually excited about the new 90210... Booo Yowwww!!!

Song to Get You Through This Rainy Friday

blackkidsmusic.com
they are awesome.

2nd Birthday Party Canceled :(

Sorry, ya'll, but the par-tay has to be canceled. however, if you are joing us for Book Club on sunday, we shall celebrate then!

Last one.

OK! Last picture! Hoorah!

This one is a thank you to all my homies who donated money. It was stressful beyond belief having to deal with that much money ($1400) down there, believe me. Nothing costs that much. And ATMs only would give me $200 to $400 at most each day... and they were most unreliable. Banks had long lines (no online banking) and I was scurred carrying cash around.

But finally, with a little help from an international calling card, my mother, and Western Union, I got the cash out and we could bring it to the (vetted!) construction company. (Jumping across a muddy stream with $1,700,000 Tanzanian shillings in 10,000 denominations was fun, I tell you.)

So, together, we built a kitchen at the orphanage! This way, when it rains they get to eat. And the oldest son gets his room back (it had previously been used as storage and the son was sleeping at relatives'.)

This is Mr. Massawe, who runs the orphanage, celebrating the first day of building.

They told me that because of this kitchen, Jesus would bring me a good husband.

Almost done.

Seriously, I know you guys aren't really into these pictures from my trip, but that's ok, I feel like I have to do this little exercise then move on.

Anyway, here are the kiddos with a cup of bland, non-nutritious porridge for lunch. And a special treat: bananas! 30 bananas cost less than $3.

The girl in the fuzzy pink was a beautiful, smart lil whippersnapper. She was mischievous and had a penchant for folding clothes.

The gal in the blue and white striped sweatshirt took a while to catch my attention. But once she did I was amazed by how smart she was. She knew all the animals--even kangaroo.

The boy in the blue Reebok sweater was so sad. He has a scabby ear and a sad face. I spent about 15 minutes trying to get him to write the word "five." He could NOT write the V. He kept doing it upside down.

Is Underage Drinking & Driving Only Frowned Upon During Prom Season?

On my commute to work, I've noticed that two high schools have the typical "scared straight" drunk driving/totaled cars situated in the front of the school. This lead me to think - is underage drunk driving only frowned upon during prom season? Why does there seem to be so much emphasis put on this single night? Are schools implying that if this were to happen during other parts of the school year, it would be ok? Shouldn't the expectation be that kids aren't supposed to drink anyway? Nor should they be driving drunk? Hell, if there was ever a night in teenage years to suffer from an untimely death, it may be prom night. Think of all the things that may have happened by then and/or that night:

1) Probably lost your "v"card.
2) You've experienced what it's like to be drunk, however, you clearly haven't learned what your limit is.
3) You've gotten accepted into college, but you have yet to carry the burden of worrying about your future, a career, pulling all-nighters & student loan repayment.
4) Finally, this is probably the most dressed up you've ever been & even if you're wrapped around a tree, at least you'll look great.

So, for all of those high schoolers out there contemplating getting behind the wheel while drunk, I say go for it. You've clearly demonstrated that you're adult enough to accomplish the other things ahead of you.

The Stupid Thing That Sherri Shepherd Did ( fairly recently)

I apologize that I haven't been quite as on top of my game when it comes to posting stupid Sherri Shepherd antics. This latest clip is of Sherri doing typical Sherri stuff. As she's simulating a BJ keep in mind that she's somenone's mother. One of these days, when she gets bounced like Star Jones, her kid can look back fondly on his mother's fame :).

The weekend I thought I might die.

Getting stuck at the foot of a smoking, active volcano was creepy. Having sunburn, 15 people, and little water was creepy. Not seeing another car, person, road, or cell phone service for four hours was creepy. Having the jack almost break the driver's leg was creepy. My friend Carmel's swollen toes was creepy. Lifting up rocks to put under the car and finding scorpions was creepy. But the worst part was when our last remaining jeep was speeding and sliding around and turning corners on two wheels, then stalled and almost rolled off a cliff. Not a joke.

That was the scariest part of safari.

The top of Kili!

On my second-to-last-day the clouds cleared and I finally saw the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, affectionately known as Kili. Kili is the highest point in Africa.

Tudor-riffic!

okay, i may write too often about my fave shows, but i can't help it! when i love something, you are the first to know it! what can i say...i'm an open book...book...SHIT! book club meets in less than a week and i still haven't read the book!

anyway...

showtimes series, The Tudors, is simply soap-opera-sensational. it's definitely all my children (best soap ever) set in the middle ages. so many hotties too! i just don't want it to ever end. i hope that this season is not the last, however, annie b.'s time is drawing to a close, and i can't help but wonder if the series will cut off once her head is...well, cut off.

i do hope their majesties will here thy cry and grant me the privilege of another season. of course, only if it pleases thee!

Speaking of...

me, mo cheeks and flip flop girl were just talking about this hot mess. Michelle Duggar, is now preggers with her 18th child.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17...yep, 18.

hey michelle, happy mother's day, you wack job.

The class.

These are the little kids I taught. They were orphans, ages 3-8, so you can imagine that most of the kids were either completely confused by the material, or totally bored, but we tried to strike a good balance. Some knew a lot of English.

Every morning they would say:
"Good morning teacher!" (pronounced teachah)
"I am fine, thank you, teacher!"
"I am (x) years old!"
"My name is (x)."

They would hit each other, ride each other like horses, eat erasers, eat pencil lead, eat dirt, eat stickers, wipe snot all over. And they were just adorable. They LOVED to come write in chalk on the board. Dennis was 8, and he could do math in the teens. There was Fatuma and Beatrice, Iddy and Sia. The girls and the boys looked exactly the same, except the girls wore skirts. They had shaved heads. They were super beautiful. They loved education and were so respectful. They caused a near riot when I handed out stickers.

It makes me so sad that they won't get quality education (or nutrition, or parental love) the rest of their lives.

Los elefants.

We saw the elephants way up close, but there was something about this trunk-to-tails shot that I love. These guys are truly magnificent. It makes me so happy that they exist in large numbers. They are like dinosaurs.

The Maasai.

I love the Maasai. They are a peaceful, gentle tribe. They are polygamous, women are public property, they leave their dead in the open for hyenas, and they sometimes drink cow blood (as I have mentioned) but I still think they are gentle and kind. Some are very familiar with mzungus ( like Zac) and some (like the above) rarely see mzungus. We threw these kids some cookies (or, "biscuits" in the UK) and they went nuts. And we had hours of good camera fun with the man and the woman. They were so rural that they only spoke Maasai, not Swahili, at all. They commented on my (fake) pearl earrings, they wanted money for taking their photo, and then a 13 year old girl showed up with a baby on her back. When the baby saw white people, he was scared shitless, poor thing.

It's So Unpretty's 2nd Birthday and You're Invited

come by Bar Ferdinand next Wednesday, May 14th for a drink or two and join us bloggers and readers as we celebrate So Unpretty's second year of wonderful.

and, if we're lucky, you'll get really, really drunk, cause a scene, and give us something to blog about the next day :)

Bar Ferdinand
2nd Street, Northern Liberties
6:00 p.m.-??

see you there!

p.s. there are three s.u. bloggers pictured in this shot, which really happened at Bar Ferdinand...weird!

Zac.

Aw, Zac. Easily my favorite new friend. He is 24, from the polygamous Maasai tribe (nomadic herdsmen who live in small houses made of dung, and occasionally drink cows blood, and are the most gentle people ever). Zac is a modern dude. He even has a facebook account. He's 24, speaks awesome English, and was the watchman.

I gave him a Phillies hat.

(PS look how short my bangs are!! Terrible.)

I'm back. And more awesome than ever.

As some of you may have heard, I am back from Tanzania in East Africa. It was such a cool experience that I thought I might share some of my favorite pictures with you, my faithful Unpretty readers. (That means you, man from Sem-Sem's party, who said you read this crap!)

I'll start off with a little off-colour (that's on purpose-- I've spent a lot of time with UK peeps so I am going to throw in the British English) photo. Who doesn't love Baboon sex? This was the first animal we saw up close on the safari. They were ALL around the jeep. The girls' butts were gross!

Looney, But Cute

You can't break my heart.
It's liquid.
You melted it when I met you.

-Flight of the Concords

went to their show tonight at the Tower and it was great. and surprisingly, sold out. their new zealand accents are out of control hot and they are staying at the sofitel. so close. no wonder i felt a certain animal magnetism around me all day.

Add this to your Netflix: Fur (An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus)

if you liked "Pollack" or "Basquiat" you'll love this movie. it is about the early years of famous photographer, Diane Arbus. Nicole Kidman does an excellent job as the lead, and Robert Downey, Jr. is brilliant as per usual.

this really inspired me to learn more about arbus and i was saddened and sort of surprised how things ended for her in real life. i don't want to say too much, because i hope someone reads this, wants to see the movie, and then discover it for themselves.

but take me on my word-it's worth it.

Newest Musical Obsession: Joan as Police Woman

Listen to each of these two tracks and I think you'll see why. The whole album is amazing...And that bone structure!?

Jesus wept.

"Eternal Flame" - certainly the most catchy tune on the album...


"Real Life" - one of the most beautiful ballads I've ever heard...

A funny thing happened on the way to the Derby...

While pondering the seriousness of the "no hat, no admittance" rule of the Kentucky Derby party I was heading to, I heard a noise across the street and saw a Gatorade bottle rolling in the middle of the street. Before I could piece together what happened, tghe man in front of me said to another man, "Excuse me. Are you going to pick that up? Pick up the bottle you just threw against that house." Embarrased, the man walked over and picked up the bottle. As soon as The Enforcer turned down a side street, I heard The Jerk throw the bottle again. The sad part of this story is that The Jerk was with his son (about six years old), who learned that his dad is a douche. Poor kid.

And somwhere, a mayor cries.

The Agony of Victory

I usually don't enjoy watching horse races because of the inherent cruelty to animals. But, I played along when I was at a Kentucky Derby party on Saturday. I was secretly routing for the one and only filly in the race, Eight Belles, and was so happy when she placed (horse talk for coming in second place). Then, my heart broke when I heard that she was euthanized right after the race. Apparently she collapsed and broke two of her legs after finishing. So sad. Bye Eight Belles.

My New Thing

The new thing I am obsessed with: exfoliating. I bought St. Ives Apricot Scrub yesterday and have used it two nights in a row. Afterwards I keep feeling my smooth skin and randomly look in the mirror to see if I can notice a difference. I hope this sticks, unlike my bout with at-home full pedicure treatments. I don't like pumicing.

Living alone is interesting.

I Guess I'll Go to Dunkin' Donuts Tomorrow....(Kicks Dirt)

So...the Wawa at 20th and Chestnut will close at noon today. I am absolutely so sad. When the luxurious Wawa at 20th and Locust closed, I was sad, but not as sad as I am now. My boyfriend and I live directly across the street and Wawa has become such a part of our weekend and morning routine. Where the eff are we going to get sandos MADE TO ORDER before our treks to the five million weddings we have? Where am I going to get coffee before my commute to Wilmington every day? Who is going to laugh at us when we go in there and spend 45 dollars on crap?

I want to take a moment and thank Solomon (the most miserable manager alive) and his crew for aiding me through hangovers, caffeine fixes and pita chips. You will be missed.

And I seriously hope Light Eyes* can find a new home, too.

*Light Eyes stands outside of Wawa and holds the door for patrons. He never asks for money and seems surprised when you put some in the cup he is holding. He is awesome.