This is Totally Terry Ruggles in About 5 Years

If you've ever watched NBC 10 in the morning, you know that Terry Ruggles is becoming increasingly senile while still thinking that he's amusing. I've watched him say some really random & weird stuff while poor Aditi Roy has uncomfortably tried to segue the conversation back to the news.

Given what this newscaster did a few weeks ago, I could totally see Terry pulling the same thing if he forgets to take his old man pills one morning.

I think Coca Cola put the 'coke' back in

If you're as addicted to Coke Zero as I am, you know what I mean. I've always preferred Dt. Pepsi over Dt. Coke 'cause it tasted better. The "aspartame-y" taste of Dt. Coke only served to remind me what I was missing out on. Coke Zero really tastes like original Coke.

But, a few months ago, I decided to give Coke Zero a try and I'm hooked. I just can't get enough of it. If I'm getting fast food, I'm disappointed if the place doesn't have it. I've even asked for it at restaurants. They seriously need to start selling that over Dt. Coke!

So, if you haven't tried Coke Zero yet, I suggest that you do.

Isn't He Dreamy?

Yesterday, while watching ESPN, Tony Gonzalez appeared on screen. My hubby reminded me that I happen to have a huge crush on him. I couldn't remember saying such a thing, so I googled him hoping that some pics would help jog my memory of who he is & why I happen to have a crush on him. Well, after my extensive research I confirmed what I already knew, which is that he's a football player (and yes, he's a tight end, ha-ha), but I still can't remember if there's any particular reason that I have a crush on him.

Oh, well. Does any woman really need a reason? In the meantime, here's someone pretty to look at.

Apparently, there really is a Parents of the Year Award...

And these fuckers won it. If you're like most people, at some point in your life you've muttered the phrase "Parents of the Year" in a sarcastic fashion. Usually, against people whose parenting is so atrocious there's no way in hell they would win such an award if one were actually given out.

Well, keep an eye on the sky today for pigs flying 'cause not only is there such an award but the Fugglars or Duggars or whatever the fuck their in-bred constantly breeding names are, just won it. No, I don't know whether or not The Parents' Day Council are 1) punking us; 2) consists of mouth-breathing multiple breeders; 3) consists of stoners that think this is the funniest shit ever. What I am pretty certain of is that someone was experiencing a Whitney Houston/Amy Wino-type high on some pure,uncut, unadulterated BS when they came up with this fuckery.

The Fugglars have gotten way too much press and attention (thanks TLC!) as it is for reproducing like horny, freaky bunnies. However, in Michelle Fugglars defense, I don't think that she intentionally gets pregnant anymore. I think her ovaries are already hanging outside of her body from giving birth so many times. I think she puts them in a wheelbarrow beside here when she walks around. So, the last dozen times that she became pregnant, I think it happened 'cause she accidentally rolled over into some semen left over from her husband's wet dream & before she knew it - preggers-!

I think the best way to combat this is for the media to start turning on these people & treating them like the Gosselins. Only then will they retreat to the background, like the kids that you never picked on your team to play with for a dodgeball game. And then, when the teacher made you put the freaks on your team, you mercilessly beat the crap out of them with that medicine/dodgeball. It's the only way that famewhores like this will learn. And,yep, it all comes back to grade school.

Fisher Price has just invented a toy to help "out" your son

Ok, so once you get over the fact that Fisher Price's Elmo Tickle Hands sounds like something your kiddie-touching Uncle Chuck would use for your "special time" together, the concept behind this toy seems like a great tool to help out a parent's gaydar.

I love how in the commercial both boys and girls are having fun with this toy. In reality, this is pretty damn lame. They're just gloves with Elmo's face on it. Also, if you were to really give this "toy" to a kid, the only kid that should use it is a girl. In the commercial, they try to use "hip-hop" Elmo to somehow give it street cred so that it can appeal to boys. I think not. If you were to give this toy to your son, how soon do you think it'll take for him to use them as jazz hands? Then, whammo! You've just figured out that you're son is gay.

On the other hand, if I had these "Tickle Hands" when I was a kid, I would've been able to figure out my childhood friend, Craig, a lot sooner. Instead, I had to endure countless hours of complicated dance routines to Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth & Samantha Fox to arrive at the same conclusion that I would've arrived at if Craig just had a pair of Elmo's "Tickle Hands"/jazz hands. What? Don't look at me that way! I was 8! Excuse me if I didn't have a finely-tuned gaydar at that age!

The Cure Cures All

I knew it! Recently Lady GaGa did an interview (http://www.dlisted.com/node/33780) claiming that while she did her coke binge, she listened to The Cure 'cause she found their music soothing. Minus the coke part, I totally agree. I could listen to "Pictures of You" all day. What's your fave Cure song?

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US Open 2009 in review Part III: DONE

Well, it's been an interesting Open. This year was definitely the year of upsets. Last night at the gym I discovered a group of closet tennis fans. Many tvs above the exercise machines were tuned to the match.

I'm upset that Nadal lost in the qtr. finals, but more importantly, that I didn't have more time to see his cute tush bouncing around the court.

Serena lost her shit at some lines woman which was hilarious. I could completely understand her point. It was a bs call. You try hitting a 125 mph ace that's a match point!

And the most upsetting part of all was my other bf, Roger Federerrrr losing to some 20 year old, Del Potro.
Oh, well. Hopefully, I'll be able to go next year so that I can cheer on all my faves!

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2009 U.S. Open Review, Part II: Serena's Lucky Outfit

Also, on the night that Serena made her entrance into the U.S. Open, she was wearing this great outfit. It's nice to know that I'm not the only player that likes to match! Once you stop staring at her amazing biceps, you can see that her outfit matched perfectly, head-to-toe. From the purple headband, to the black dress with purple bloomers down to the fug retro Nike's, my girl looked good. Even though I hate those retro, gaudy high-top style sneakers that Nike is insisting on cramming down our throats this season, it did complement her outfit well. Now, I just have to hop on over to www.tenniswarehouse.com to see if I can get the same thing on sale!

2009 U.S. Open Review, Part 1: Celebs Spotted at the Open

Ok, so this isn't going to be like your typical U.S. Open coverage, where I analyze game stats & athleticism. Nope, these posts will be devoted entirely to everything but that - fashion, celebs, romance, and whatever else happens to strike my fancy.

A few days ago, during the Serena Williams & some other girl that she was using as target practice match, both Common (Serena's bf) & Jeremy Piven were in attendance. Did anyone catch Mary Jo Fernandez's interview with the "Piv"? OMG. He looked like he was flying high on the good shit. At some point during the match, the camera focused in on him watching the game and I could've sworn he was swatting at invisible fairies flying around him, I shit you not.

Anyway, some other celebs that I've seen were Alec Baldwin (who was just caught on camera tonight picking something from his teeth. Embarrassing!), Sienna Miller, Donald & Melania Trump, Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban, Kim Cattrall and Will Farrell. So, check it out. It's what all the cool kids are doing.

So Let Me Get This Straight...

We just finished an 8-year presidency, during which most Americans questioned whether or not Bush had even finished grade school, and now we have a highly-educated President who is trying to place a huge emphasis on the value of education at the start of a new school year(smartypants FlipFlop Girl & Beanorama can dissect whether or not I correctly capitalized president). Also, keep in mind that the US historically ranks behind many other countries when it comes to basic reading, writing and math skills. The kicker? The backlash is at our current President, Barack Obama!

Yes, yesterday Pres. Obama spoke at some school with an oh-so-controversial speech that was supposed to be televised to all of the nation's school children. Prior to his speech, there was much hoopla & discussion as to whether or not he was going to use this as an opportunity to push his health care agenda, etc.

I don't know about you, but I'm so effing sick and tired of the dumb asses that are opposed to anything Obama suggests, even if it's the most logical thing to do, that they come across as even dumber.

Get the fuck over it. Your guy lost. This summer, it was Health Care reform. This fall, it's Hitler's Youth Redux. It's funny that this type of person would be opposed to Obama speaking to their children 'cause one would think that that same type of person would be opposed to sex-ed being taught to their kid. Speaking of sex-ed, it's amazing that some of these dumb asses even figured out where their fuck parts are located so that they could reproduce and create even more dumb asses.

Every time I try to imagine what the mind set is of the person that thinks this way, my jaw involuntarily juts out and my voice takes on a slight twang. I can't ponder in this fashion for long, though, 'cause my brain goes into a mini- aneurysm and the only thing that can make me come to is the smell of something fried wafting under my nose. Like, deep fried Oreo cookies, or something.

So, to the dumb asses of our country that never heard the adage " today's youth are tomorrow's future", I guess my revenge may take a while to come into fruition, but one day, in about 20 yrs. or so, these same parents will be on the news complaining that they can't get their loser ass kids to leave the nest 'cause their kids never learned how much it costs to live in the real world. Why? Because they never placed an emphasis on the value of an education!

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My Fall 2009 picks Part 1: nail color

It's that time of year again when I blog about random things (movies, makeup, tv, fashion,etc.) that I think are trends to look out for this season. First up is nail polish. I love new nail colors 'cause it's such an easy & inexpensive way to treat yourself.

Even though I love summer, I'm always excited for the colors of fall. After years of "French manicure, please". I've finally embraced the richness of dark polish. As spring arrived, I regretted having to re-introduce lighter colors back into my beauty routine.

But alas, fall has returned and I can get back to my love affair with dark polish. So far, I've tried OPI's No Spain No Gain (oh, and who's job is it to come up with nail color names? I would love that job!) and love it. It's a nice berry color. I'm also eager to try out Essie's gray color, since I've never worn that color before.

So, I suggest that you try either of the collections and let me know what you think!

I Read an Article on Endometriosis & Now I Think that I Might Have It. Does That Make Me a Hypochondriac?

I was reading this article in Fitness magazine over the weekend and realized that I have at least 1 if not more symptoms of endometriosis - fatigue.

Not surprisingly, this isn't the first disorder or disease that I suspect that I may have due to watching a show or reading an article about it. In grade school, after watching an episode of Oprah about eating disorders, I thought that I had one of those, too. Even though I was very healthy at the time. At some point I thought I was diabetic, then my brother told me that the symptoms that I thought I was experiencing were the exact opposite of what someone with diabetes would experience.

After seeing a commercial for Yaz, I thought I had PMDD. Symptoms? I'm usually bitchy from about Monday morning to Thursday around 3:30 p.m. I think that I need a prescription for Cymbalta, based on the PMDD that I described above and the fact that I have a hard time getting out of bed for work. Hey, depression is being unable to do things that you normally do. And it hurts. ADD/ADHD - I can't focus when I'm at work. And, according to the commercial, that's one of the symptoms! I just have adult ADD/ADHD. OCD - I'm obsessed & zero in on things that annoy me. I may not wash my hands a million times or turn the light off & on a million times before leaving a room. But I'm still obsessed with certain things. Hoarding - I hold onto magazines and catalogs forever.

So, maybe those things make me sound like a hypochondriac, but I think that it just sounds like someone who's concerned about their health. I still think that I'm going to talk to someone about the endo-thingy 'cause....why not, right?

Boo if you're not watching this...

http://m.bravotv.com/inf/infomo;JSESSIONID=57EAD2089AFE559F838C.493?site=bravo&view=page90058&id=Bravo_7d0b6d8e

You need to get checked! I'm ashamed to admit how much I enjoy the shit storm that is Real Housewives of Atlanta. Scenes like this are priceless. She-man, er, Sheree has a fashion show coming up and I'm sure that there are more fireworks like this one to come!

Demetri Martin- hot or ugly hot?

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I may have to add a different category for Demetri - nerdy hot. I think that he's friggin' adorable. If you've ever watched his show on Comedy Central, I'd think you'd agree. Right now, you can check him out in Woodstock, which hit theaters on Friday. What do you think?

Musically-Challenged

So, I recently heard Busta's Pass the Courvoisier on the car & realized that I would love to own this song (also kinda surprised that I didn't already own it knowing how much the hubby loves some Busta). When I got home, I eagerly hopped onto my Itunes to purchase THE BEST DANCE SONG EVER and to my dismay, Itunes doesn't have it! WTF?

There I was, hopeless and helpless. In the early days of Itunes, I remember that there were some songs or artists that weren't avail on Itunes, but I thought that since then everything mainstream was avail. I haven't bought a CD in years.

What's a girl to do today if she wants music? I just recently stumbled across Amazon's MP3 store (which downloads music into your Itunes library) which not only had the Busta song, but also Paramore's Decode, DHT's Listen To Your Heart. Both of these songs were unavail on Itunes.

I'm hoping that Amazon's store is the answer to my happy feet prayers and a good alternative. I'll keep you posted.

A shower gel worthy of my gym bag

Don't let the title fool you. I'm very fond of Caress's Tahitian Renewal shower gel. This is the shower gel that I keep in my gym bag for a post- workout shower. I'm so fond of it in fact, that today I questioned whether or not my true motivation to go to the gym this afternoon was just for the glorious opportunity to use it.
The gel has a wonderful fragrance, smoothing pomegranate seeds and makes my skin feel awesome regardless of the constantly fluctuating shower temps and brief shower time.

So, if you have to choose a gym shower gel or just want to try something new, give this one a try.

Jonesing for some Nurse Jackie

SPOILER ALERT: if you haven't seen the final epi of the season, this may ruin it! Anyway, I'm totally hooked on this show. It was like my weekly "baby doll". The episodes & season was way too short. I don't know if I can wait a year to find out the cliffhangers! Does Jackie get in trouble for the morphine? What does her hubby do when she doesn't show? Is Coop her new man/dealer? What the hell is going on with Dr. O'Hara? I hope that Zoey still stays adorable!

Am I the only one that's hooked on this show? If so, yo totally need to watch the episodes on demand so that you can get hooked too.

Your kittens are safe...for now.

So, last Thursday was the premiere of Project Runway on Lifetime. I must admit, I wasn't disappointed. The show wasn't overly estrogen-y. However, there was a moment when the recovering meth addict had a tearful breakdown and confession with Tim. I felt a rumbling in my tummy. I knew that my ovaries were about to make a run for it. I gently patted my stomach, and said "whoa, girl. Easy. Let's just see what happens." Fortunately, it was a brief moment of editing weakness and soon the show was back to its fast - paced, sewing action. Whew! One of the downsides of PR being on Lifetime is that they don't spend the entire weekend playing marathons of the show in case you missed it. You'll have to catch the episode in between showings of "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger"? & "Why Does He Beat My Ass"? It's there, though. It's there.

Lindsay Lohan's appearance was pointless, in my opinion. Am I the only one who thinks that she was looking longingly after the dismissed meth addict when he was kicked off the show? I'm serious. I half expected to see her mouthing "meet me in the bathroom. Stall 3." She was seriously dead behind the eyes and has been considered a fashion catastrophe for a while. She was however, sporting her signature gross leggings. I read on another website that someone felt that she was overly harsh to the SamRo lookalike designer. Linds, totally unnecessary. LiLo should know that karma's a bitch. Pretty soon she's going to be begging to do a LMN movie of the week, if she's not already.

Anyway, I'm just grateful that the show didn't completely suck and am looking forward to the rest of the season!

Smiling with my eyes

Excerpt from a convo.

The setup: I am showing off new shoes paired w. an outfit I haven't worn before.

Husband: Wow, you look cute. You look like a catalog model.

Me: Ew!

I think I watch too much Tyra...

Mo Cheeks' Picks

Hello and welcome to a rare and meaningless blog post.

In this post I will share some deep and intimite knowledge, all to your benefit.

#1. One day my parents were in town, we went shopping, they bought me a dress, I decided to wear it that night but OH NO! I didn't have the correct underthings. I dashed over to Daffy's and picked up a way marked down pair of undies. They are now my most favorite things to ever clothe my bottom. Behold: Unders by Beyonce. (real name: Dereon Intimates Seamless Boyshort Panty)

I know, I know. Beyonce and the "clothing" line she created with her mother is the sh!ts but seriously, these bad boys are SO comfortable and never, ever ride up. No lines!! Word.

#2. My wedding was a few weeks ago and it was hot as balls. In the 90s, high humidity. Every few minutes I stopped to ask a friend, loved one or strange caterer, "Is my face shiny?!?" (I was paranoid.) After 12 hours of makeup and plenty hours of sweating my face never glistened (unless with sweet, beautiful tears, naturally) because I was wearing the most amazing powder known: Make Up Forever HD Microfinish Powder. Just go put down the $30 and buy it. It will change your life.

That's all for this year's edition of Mo Cheeks' Tips! Hope you enjoyed my gratuitous oversharing!