ok, what is it with this city and scammers(you know: con artists, bullshitters, and the generally criminally insane)...
they have infested center city like the lice that have infested paris hilton's thong drawer and i am sick of it!
just last week i encountered one of these fuckers at 17th & Chestnut. it wasnt late at all, maybe 8:00 p.m. the streets were buzzing with plenty of people and Bean Sprout and I were just leaving a horrible eating establishment only to be harassed by one of the corniest scammers i have ever had the unpleasure to be approached by.
"miss, excuse me, miss" he said in a shaky, overly dramatic voice. he was wearing a an outfit right off the racks of Scammers GAP...khakis, a button down and a baseball hat.
we were onto him immediately because the desperation he had painted all over his face was too obvious. "could-could i please-please have a dollar? just a dollar? see-see, i'm a diabetic and i don't-don't have my insulin and i just need a dollar or two to buy an orange juice from rite aid..."
he was really going for the oscar for "Best Scammer in a Film Pretending to be Dying of a Disease" when he punctuated his sentence with a long pause that included him faking a gag reflex and then swallowing back what was supposed to be throw up (question to any real diabetics out there-is throwing up a symptom of diabetic shock? its likely not, and probably more a symptom of being so full of bullshit!).
i was mesmerized by him...i was part disgusted and part intrigued and i must admit...partly scammed because for a second (a split second) it crossed my mind that if this was true, this was sad...Bean Sprout wasnt buying it though and she immediately snapped me out of my daze when she so smartly produced from deep in her jacket pocket a shiny quarter, which she held up right in his face.
"sorry, this is all i have..." was all she said with a smurk. she called his bluff and to my surprise, he just walked away from us without so much as a second thought.
i stared at Bean Sprout with amazement, proud that she had handled it so effortlessly and she assured me that this quick thinking had come with lots of unfortunate practice. turns out, she is approached by these fuckers more times than she count and her trick is to always offer them a mere quarter and if they refuse it, she knows they are scammers...afterall, if you were going in to diabetic shock, would you refuse any amount of money that would get you a step closer to your goal of $1? or better yet, wouldn't you just called the fucking ambulance? so unpretty...
3 comments:
This Bean Sprout character seems tough...a little bitchy... but a woman of the streets. Good for her! It also sounds like she might have been scammed out of $10 to a "pregnant" woman in DC a few weeks ago... but I could be wrong.
Yes, yes...I have been approached many a times by these folks. Usually they are out of breathe as if they have just run a triple marathon. Always dressed in a suit, and always a diabetic with a gym bag on the verge of death. I always get the story that "They're just trying to catch a train...blah blah blah...their van broke down....blah blah blah..." I've even gotten people with nice cell phones, wiping out they ids to show me that they are employees at so-and-so. Well that's just sad. Should I show you that I work for a nonprofit in hope that you will donate money to my pathetic salary?
I think I might do that. Excuse me ma'am...(huff, huff) I'm so sorry to bother you (huff, huff) but I work for a non profit agency in Center City, and well, I just need a few extra bucks so I can make happy hour and buy some wings. Just enough for one beer and a quick greasy bite, (bending over with my hands on my knees in exhaustion), can you help me?
ok, smedelicious, i forgive you killing my cheesecake orgasm, because this comment, particularly the fantasy about becoming a scammer yourself, made me laugh out loud at my cube (hence, my co-workers now think i'm probably looking at inappropriate internet material...)
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