taking SEPTA is like taking a hallucinogen...most times its a ride you won't soon forget and once in awhile you can have a really bad trip.
today for instance...its the 5:00 o'clock rush hour, and i'm just one of many poor fucks trying to get home so i can plant my ass down on the sofa and watch Rachel Ray prove to me what a lazy bitch i am for ordering chinese instead of preparing a three course meal for an entire family in just 30 minutes. i can tell as soon as i walk onto the el platform (elevated train platform for you lucky few who don't have to know that) that i am in for a long commute home. there are crowds of people huffing and puffing because the trains are running late and the last one that came was too full to take on anymore riders. i prepare myself for the ride that is inevitable: a painful fifteen minute stand on a rocking, screeching, stinky train, all the while, trying to ignore the other people around you even though we are nose deep in each others' armpits.
a train finally comes and we pour on, pushing and shoving, each of us praying that we either get a seat, get a pole to hold onto, or at least don't have to sit/stand next to the crazy person (here's a secret: on every el train there is always a minimum of one crazy person that SEPTA plants on board to keep all of the riders in check-think of them like air marshals). i must have done something karmically right today because i actually scored a seat and the person sitting next to me was actually normal. everyone was packed in and we were all waiting for the doors to close when suddenly we hear over the intercom in a gruff voice, "Man With The Bike...there are NO bikes allowed on the el during rush hour-get off the train."
at first, i don't think anyone really heard it, or at least cared because everyone continued stewing in their own misery with no expression on their faces. then a few seconds later i hear him announce again, "Man With The Bike , like i said, there are NO BIKES ALLOWED on the el during rush hour, get off the train now..."
this time people started taking notice....a third of us were snickering, the other third were angry over the delay and the other third...well, they were probably thinking about whatever weird SEPTA commuters which are immune to their surroundings think about. it was a couple more seconds later that i hear (with delight i may add because this to me is entertainment) "Man With The Bike....do i have to come back there and show you how to GET OFF THIS TRAIN?!"
apparently, this finally got through to Man With The Bike, because two seconds later, the doors to the train finally closed and we pulled away. as we raced on to the next stop, i couldn't help but wish Man With The Bike would've called the train conductor's bluff...a fight would have been so unpretty.
2 comments:
I just got in trouble for not writing a comment, so I am correcting my error. Feel priveleged - this is the first comment I have ever written on a blog. I feel very pressured to make this a good one. Anyway, I also do not enjoy Septa, although I have never had the experience of riding this "el" that everyone talks about. I am a regional rail rider. Something was wrong with my train yesterday too. It took me almost two hours to get home. I was not pleased. But, I managed to get a nap in during all the chaos. It was a pretty deep sleep, so I think I may have been snoring. I'm sure the woman next to me was happy about that. I am always afraid that my mouth is open when I fall asleep on the train. Once when I was on a plane with my family (about 6 or 7 years ago), I fell asleep with my mouth open and my mom and sister were throwing peanuts in it. I guess that's where my fear comes from.
the fact that you have NOT written a blog until now is SO UNPRETTY, dammit.
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