Sunday, June 04, 2006

Everyone Hates Me


...well, when i'm sick, like i am this weekend. and hey, i don't blame them, i would hate me to; i'm contagious, i'm winey, i'm annoying because i can't stop hacking up pieces of cancer (that's what i call the hard as a rock, smells like belly button fungus stuff...oh, you still have no idea what i mean...never mind then.)

i caught whatever i have last week, and immediately blamed my innocent husband, who was sick, but like three weeks ago. hey, life's a bitch and we all have a price to pay. i hate being sick!

my own mother refused to hang out with me last night because she cited the obvious fact, "I have to work all next week and i can't afford to be catching whatever you've got." gee, thanks MOM. you seemed to be all over that shit 15 years ago. and back then, i even enjoyed it too. staying home sick from school was awesome. breakfast in bed, watching the Price is Right, staying in your PJs all day, lunch on the couch (p.s. sick food is also awesome...you know: tea and toast for breakfast and soup and crackers for lunch) and the best part of all of this was you had your doting mother's attention for a full day-well, at least when the soaps weren't on...the only bad, but not really, part of being out sick from school was the missed classwork, which you could easily copy from your B.F. the next day in the morning.

now, my husband can only make me the tea and toast and then he's off to work, leaving me home alone. damn the man for not allowing "spousal sick days". Price is Right is over ( and if it is still on the air and i'm mistaken, i'm too afraid to see what Bob Barker looks like in 2006). i have to make my own soup and crackers (and we all know food never tastes half as good when you have to make it yourself) and i'm old enough to realize soap operas suck! and unlike missed schoolwork, being out sick on a grown up work day really sucks. its usual to come in and find your desk/chair/area looking like a Kevin Federline bachelor party hit it. post-it notes litter any stickable surface reading "Where is this file?" or "I borrowed your stapler" or "Your trash can was on fire, so we put it out for you". aside from your stapler, all of your office supplies are also missing and you're left with one broken pencil and a ruler; two office items no one uses anymore and that's why they were spared.

yes, being sick sucks more than a Dyson vacuum cleaner...quite simply, it never losing suction...EVER. so unpretty.

2 comments:

Malaika said...

ohhh honey...the price is right IS still on...i think bob plugs himself in @ night monty burns style...feel better

Smedelicious said...

I miss those days. Being a grown-up is hard enough, let alone being a sick grown-up. I cry now when I'm sick...really.