Someone I know acts as though he is an 80-year-old senior citizen instead of a 26-year-old man in his prime. Below are a few tid bits about him that comprise his geriatric personality.
The other day, he and I were walking on a crowded street at lunchtime. We were mid-conversation when he abruptly stops and says (in an excited voice) "Oh! A quarter!" He bent down to pick up the discarded coin, annoying everyone that was directly behind him, and then he stood donning a satisfied grin.
When neighborhood kids loiter in his backyard, he uses a hose to scare them away, as if they are stray alley cats.
He says "effing" or "the F word." I have also heard him refer to a mean woman as a "B."
He insistantly explains to pizza parlor employees how he wants his pizza prepared and boxed, as if they don't know that when he says "to go" they should put it in a box instead of in the trash. To add insult to injury, he talks to them as if he is describing the fine points of molecular biology.
He is unreasonably distrusting of ceiling fans.
He drives below the speed limit.
He has a pill bottle that is the size of a milk gallon. This is only one of the dozens of pharmacy-related items he keeps on his person at all times.
He scoffs at any bed fabric that is below 600 thread count.
His doctor is on his speed dial...on his cell phone.
He is best friends with the 911 operators because he calls when anything out of the ordinary occurs.
He has been known to lay down extra sheets on his bed before doing the nasty.
3 comments:
This sounds like the 28 year old girl I work with. She oscillated between 7 year old and 70 year old. She dressed well below age appropriateness- jeans that are too short, vans sneakers, hand-knitted sweaters, and bun covers.
But when she speaks it's like talking to a grandma. If you sneeze she blesses you and then asks, "are you alright?"
If you cough she asks, "Oh no! Are you getting sick?"
She knits on her lunch break in the lounge.
she tries to use big, antiquated words like "persnickety" and "curmudgeon," and "snarky."
She coos to her husband on the phone every morning at 8 when he wakes up.
She makes more money than any of us and still frets about spending any of it.
I could go on.
I have never heard an old man use the term "effing." Most old men I have encountered have absolutely no problem saying whatever is on their dirty-old-man-minds.
this by far and away is one of the best post ever!
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